I got an email today, and this quote was at the end:
"Patience and perseverance have a magical affect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." - John Quincy Adams
Why can't I learn this?!? Yesterday was the Sacrament Meeting Primary Program. I felt very calm about it all morning, and they actually released me from Primary President, so I bore my testimony. Everything was going well...until my children got up on the stand. I thought they were monsters (nicest word I could come up with). Austin goofed off with Hannah the entire time, he danced during the songs instead of singing them, and he actually fell off the risers (yes...He is seven years old). I didn't even see Macy, but in Greg's words: "She could not have been worse." (Although Jen assured me that she definitely could have been worse.) I was mortified, embarrassed, angry, humiliated, and felt completely worthless as a mother as if nothing we are teaching them is sinking in. I could just feel the anger growing and growing and the spirit leaving as the meeting progressed. I haven't been this angry in a long time. In my testimony, I spoke about how much love I felt when my first child was born - love that I didn't even know existed before then. By the end of the program, I was trying to summon any love at all! In my fury, I banned the following: All sugar, TV, videos, computer games, toys, the zoo, and pretty much anything fun for the rest of their lives. I stopped just short of banning Christmas.
By contrast, Paige has been sick the past couple of days. Sunday morning, she started crying about 4 a.m. at which point we discovered she had thrown up in her crib. Poor baby was dry-heaving the rest of the morning. She took a morning nap, and was doing better by church. Not wanting Greg to miss the program, or possibly because I needed him to witness his children's behavior, Paige came with us. Directly after the closing prayer, she threw up all over my parents. She also threw up all over her car seat at the end of the day. I don't know how many times I scrubbed the carpet, how many loads of laundry we've done, or how many baths she had yesterday, but through it all I remained calm, PATIENT, and loving, acting with complete empathy. Even this morning, when it was evident that she was not doing much better, I just accepted the fact that I would be holding her all day and threw out any aspirations of being productive. Why? Why can I express such unbelievable patience in one situation and have it completely allude me in another situation?!?
Overall, I think the program was a success. They knew the songs and sang them so beautifully (except for my children who didn't sing one word). We had the Primary kids "write" the program. We interviewed them and used their answers as their parts. It turned out to be completely adorable and so sincere. Here are a few of my favorite lines:
- I think Jesus loves me just like my Mom and Dad love me. I think Jesus loves me even more!
- Jesus wants me to listen and loves me so much, like a trillion times.
- When we die, Heavenly Father and Jesus are going to keep us.
- I know Jesus takes care of us. He gives us cows to the earth to give us milk, and pigs to oink for us, and horses too.
- Prophets teach us and when we're being good they say, "You are being very good." I think Heavenly Father loves everyone in the whole world.
- Prophets teach us Jesus died on the cross so that everyone can stay alive after they die. It was very, very special.
- When I read my scriptures, and I see the word "heaven," a picture pops up in my mind of everyone in my family hugging in heaven.
- I'm thankful for my blessings, like my body. Jesus gave me a body, my mom, dad, brother, granny, and grandma. I'm so thankful for all those people that I love!
- I learn about the scriptures with my family. My favorite story is about Captain Moroni. I like him because he is strong and smart. I really like the part about sending spies to the Lamanites. Captain Moroni didn't go to war because he liked to fight, he did it to protect their families.
- I like to sing my prayer. When I sing a song, my cousin Jesus can hear all the way in heaven.
- My Personal Favorite: If I could choose one place to go on my mission, it would be Richfield. I would really like teaching people about the church and passing the sacrament.
11 comments:
There are some things that simply irritate and other things that bring out our inner compassion.
When a child is truly sick (and not milking it), we feel sympathy for them. We know what it feels like and that there is nothing they can do about it. It's much easier to feel motherly love for them at these times.
In contrast, I think it's when we know the child can do something about it (their behavior) that it's hard -- when it's a choice of agency (deliberate). That would explain your reaction to your children in the primary program. Isn't it frustrating that they don't just want to do what they should?!
I have a child that is so much more dramatic than my others. I know he's been this way since birth and doesn't have complete control over it, but I swear, there's got to be a point when he uses his agency to be more pleasant. I can go from a calm rational mom one moment to umm ..... something else.
Me again.
I've also found that I take the built up stress from one situation, such as taking care of a sick child, and project it on something else. I often overreact to a child who wasn't doing something horrible simply because I'm worn out or worried about something else! Patience is defenitely something that eludes me much too often.
Holy cow rotten times! That does not sound fun.
But that program idea is awesome!! I wonder if we have time to incorporate it this year...probably not. I love that, though. We're having our kids fill in some of their parts, like telling why they love Jesus or how they show their family love. I think it should work out!
Oh, I am so glad you posted those quotes! I was sad I missed it. I went to a cousin's baby blessing. Those are priceless! I really think wards should do that kind of program more often. I would much rather hear what the kids have to say. Also, thank you for sharing your hard times and good times. I think your feelings are totally natural. I probably would have lost my patience with the throwup. You're great, Emily!
Emily, I think the program was a hugh success. I also think that often it's easier to have patience with other people's children than with your own. I know it's true for me. Try not to be so hard on yourself.
I was constantly trying to get Heather's attention to have her look at you and not at Aubree. She was turned the opposite way from all the other kids the entire time. Also, she constantly had her tongue out, not just licking her lips but her chin and her nose and anything else she could reach with it. I have no doubt if she had been sitting where Austin was she would have fallen off the bleachers too. Still, I thought she did a great job singing and I thought the whole program went very well. I loved it.
My favorite line...Ryan Petersen..."I love my mom. She's pregnant and she's alwayas sick." BTW, you've been an amazing Primary President. Thanks for all you've done! :)
Emily- like I told you before- the chairs were really close to the edge of the bleachers. I know if I were sitting there I would've fallen off! And Logan almost did too. I know we always want our kids to be perfect and shining examples because we feel it's a reflection on us when they misbehave. Let me tell you- I doubt many people even thought twice about your kids. Kids will be kids. They all act out. We as parents do our best. I don't judge any other parents because of their child's behavior. And Logan only sang about two words of the program also. Boys will be boys. :) I thought the program was great. I loved to listen what the kids were saying knowing that they wrote it themselves. It makes you realize that they really do learn something. Thank you for being a great primary president and also to your counselors and the teachers! I will definitely miss you from our Sunday morning meetings though...
I'm glad Christmas is still on. Is that okay to say? =) I'm still trying to decide if Jen's comment about Macy (she could have been worse) makes her an optimist??
I am sorry to have missed your program. It sounds like the kids did a good job, as well as the presidency! You are such a good primary pres -- I am sure you will be missed!
I'm sure the program was fabulous. I had to write the Primary Program several years ago and had the kids use their own words as well. It was great!
sucks.... :)
Ya, Emily, GREAT idea having the kids write their own!! :)
Sorry! I wasn't trying to "Steal Anybody's Thunder" (that was just a happy accident). Jen actually wrote the program and came up with the brilliant idea and got the children to be so adorable, and I just acted as her "Assistant." Didn't she do a fantastic job!?!
It sounds like it was a fantastic program. We're doing the same thing with our primary kids this year too. Their own words are too good to not use!! Congrats/condolences on being released. We're moving so I'll be released right after our program on the 26th. I'm looking forward to not being the primary pres.
It seems random doesn't it, the things that set you off and the things that you can endure with patience. There seems to be no rhyme or reason for me either. Sometimes I'm calm through the most unbelievable kid crap...and then? I flip out at the drop of a hat. I don't know. Motherhood is a mystery.
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