Search, Ponder, and Pray

I spend much too much time on the "Ponder" when I should be doing more searching and praying.  I spend so much time in my own head that sometimes it makes me crazy.  I know it makes my husband crazy at times.  Usually, whenever I say, "So...I've been thinking," it is followed with an "Oh no...What now?"  Sometimes, however, I am interesting and he becomes completely engrossed by my thoughts.

About a month ago, my husband and I were spending the weekend with his family at the Bear Lake "Cabin".  We have the most adorable nieces that are 17, 17, and 16.  Anyway, while we were there, they got into some trouble.  They got ripped a good one by one of their mothers in front of everybody.   I won't go into details, but I will say that I can see both sides of the argument (Side 1: Parents of Teenagers; Side 2: Teenagers Themselves).  They broke a family rule, but I don't think that what they did was that bad.  In fact, I don't think it was bad at all, maybe just a bit careless.  When my mother-in-law asked one of them about it later, she said, "A lot of times, I think I am making the right decision, but it turns out to be the wrong decision."  

How true is that statement (especially for 2-year-olds and teenagers)!  I've been thinking about it all month.  There have been so many times when I think that I'm making the right decision and people get offended or my intention is misunderstood.  I feel like this happens frequently with my church calling or my interaction with people in family.  Other times, I think I am saying the right thing to a child, and the next thing I know, there are tears and I don't even know where I went wrong.  I go into something (like teaching piano to Austin) with the best of intentions (being patient and loving), but I end up completely impatient and threatening that I'm not going to do this anymore.  Why is this?  Why is it so difficult for me to just be loving and patient?!?

A lot of you have heard this theory, but I'm writing it anyway:  People are not all bad!  I know that doesn't sound very groundbreaking, but I think it is one thing that complicates life.  Oftentimes, in the movies or in books, there is a very clear line between "good" and "evil."  We went to a melodrama this summer, and it was so much fun!  The kids had a blast booing and hissing at the villain as he entered the stage in his black suit, twisted fake mustache, and evil expression on his face.  They also had fun cheering and clapping for the beautiful maiden, dressed in white, with a twinkle in her eye and gorgeous smile.  One of our family's favorite movies is "The Great Race."  It is a clever, comical melodrama (and a really fun family movie if you want to check it out).  It is hilarious simply because the hero and the villain are so drastically one-dimensional.  But, in reality, people are much more complicated.       

People make mistakes; I make mistakes.  Sometimes, these are really big mistakes.  Sometimes, these "bad choices" (as my kids would call them) hurt other people to the core.  Yet I never wake up and think, "Who can I really hurt today?" or "Which one of my children can I scar for life this morning?"  Every morning, I get out of bed thinking to myself that it is a new day and I am going to do better today than yesterday.  Since I am an optimist by nature, I assume that the very large majority of people do not exist to intentionally hurt other people.  I sincerely believe that there is good in everybody.  Every person has been born with the light of Christ, and even the most evil people (I'm being dramatic here and talking about terrorists or a Hitler-type) are children of our Heavenly Father and He still loves them.  

I've tried to hate people before.  It doesn't work very well for me.  Mostly because despite the many ways that I have been hurt by them, I can see the good.  I also know my weaknesses and pray that those people that I have inadvertently offended will see the good in me as well.  I also know the peace that comes with finally letting something go and fully forgiving.  I know the peace that comes with finally letting something go and completely repenting of my own sins.  

This is where I've been all month.  My goal for October:  Do a lot more searching and praying to strike a balance and learn how to be a more loving, kind person.