So Many Tears!

So, we made it three whole days without a phone call from Austin's teacher.  But, at 4:00 this afternoon, the inevitable happened.  There's no need to ask "What" because "The usual" will be my response.  Couldn't control his mouth (talking when the teacher is giving instructions or constantly making little spitting or popping noises), constantly left his seat, "bugging" other students.  (People always say "hitting" but what they really mean is touching, poking, pointing to things they are doing, touching pencils, etc.)  His teacher was pretty positive during our discussion, but she did end with: "Well, I'll try this for a week or two, but if things don't get better, I'll need to have a meeting with you, Austin, the Principal, and the District ALPS Coordinator."  Great!

After I got off the phone with her, I just kept thinking, "Is he really that difficult?"  I know he has always had a ton of energy, and he does struggle in social situations, but is he really that strange?  Is he weird?  Is he really so "different"?  I guess I think of children I know, and he doesn't seem so extreme to me.  

We also had Back-To-School Night.  We showed up a little late because he had an appointment to get his permanent cast on, so we had to sit in the back of the cafeteria and we could not hear a thing (neither could anyone around us)!  I explained to Austin that I was bored too, and that I couldn't hear anything either, but this was a good opportunity to practice controlling his body.  He did great!  The kids all around us were extremely rowdy (one kid was pounding his fist on a folding chair, and the 5 kids behind us were playing with trucks all over the chairs, etc.).  Not that I'm judging; I was just thinking: "See...He's not that difficult.  He can hold still and be good.  He's normal, just like all these other kids."  

When we got into the classroom, the teacher was explaining things to the parents, so he was bored.  Again...I think he did a pretty good job at occupying his brain and not being disruptive.  When the teacher was done, all the parents stood up and went to hand their papers into her.  We were at the end of the line because I had brought some ideas that I thought of after our discussion earlier in the afternoon.  There were a couple of kids from his class, and he completely lost it.  He greeted them with a karate chop in front of their face, his voice volume turned up several decibels, and started running and knocked some papers over.  The thing that really got me is that the teacher said she was going to "talk" to the rest of the class about how to act in front of Austin.  She also said, "We'll get through this.  It will be a good challenge for me and a good learning experience."  What!?!  Is this really the most difficult, challenging student she's EVER had?  How is that possible?  

Maybe something really is wrong with him?  I don't want him to be "weird" or "strange."  I don't want the other kids to ostracize him or think that they are "being nice" to be his friend.  I don't want all the mom's in the neighborhood to think that it is a sacrifice on their part for him to play with their kids.  If something really is wrong, then it has been here since birth.  Is this part of his spirit, or is this a physical trial for him?  It must be so extremely frustrating for him to always think of himself as the "Bad Kid" (his words today).  It must be embarrassing to always have to sit by himself instead of with other kids.  It must be maddening to know the rules and not be able to follow them (at least in social situations).  Why on earth did Heavenly Father trust me to figure it out?  

Just this weekend, my father-in-law was talking about his sister-in-law (his brother's wife).  She's a raging hypochondriac, but probably does actually suffer from some of the ailments.  She and her husband are "Ideal Mormons."  He taught at BYU, and all of their kids and grandkids have made the "right" choices, and they spend all their free time writing volumes (I'm not exaggerating) of genealogy.  I guess she constantly makes the comment that some people have trials with their health and other people have trials with their children, and they are grateful that their trials are health and not children.  It infuriates my father-in-law.  He says, "As if you have a choice!"  It's not like Heavenly Father said, "Do you want bad health or would you rather have your seventh child struggle immensely?"  As if my In-laws said, "You know what...I'll take good health.  Who cares about my kids!"  It's so true!  We don't pick these trials.  I'm just having a really, really hard time admitting that something is wrong with my sweet little boy.  I'm having trouble admitting that he'll never "grow out of it" and he'll struggle with this the rest of his life.  I'm having trouble with the fact that I keep putting him in situations where he is judged and labeled.  I'm having trouble with the guilt I feel because I haven't been more understanding.  I'm pretty much having trouble with the whole thing!  

Funny: Outside his classroom, they have some art projects hanging.  The kids were supposed to make flowers growing out of a pot.  It is obvious that all the parts of the flower were cut out already, and the kids just had to assemble them.  The kids were supposed to write or draw pictures about themselves (their likes, talents, abilities, etc.) on the petals and glue them onto the stem and flower pot.  Every single flower is perfect!  Then...There is Austin's.  Three of the flower petals are in place.  The rest of the petals have been cut up and he glued them on as if they were falling off the flower and landed at the bottom of the pot.  I had to laugh at this one.  In truth, Austin could care less about assembling a stupid flower.  I am secretly proud of him for being his own person, being expressive and creative, and not following instructions perfectly, even if he is labeled "The Strange Kid."  

Mother of the Year

This is Austin on his first day of 2nd Grade.  This is also a picture of Austin with his first broken bone.  It actually happened on Friday night.  We were at Greg's parents cabin in Bear Lake, and we were getting ready for bed.  I had all three kids in the room, and I was on the floor getting Paige into her pajamas.  The room we were staying in had a huge sleigh bed.  All of a sudden, Austin leaps over the footboard and just plops down on the ground - It was like a belly flop without the water.  He landed pretty hard, and he started crying immediately and holding his right arm.  I just sat there and thought, "That was the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life."  He told me later that he was trying to land on one hand.  

Anyway...He was holding his wrist, but he could move his fingers and bend his hand back and forth.  It also didn't swell at all.  I gave him some Ibuprofen and sent him to bed.  He woke up at 2 a.m. and whined all night about it.  But, even in the morning, there was still no swelling and he could move his hand.  We spent the entire day at the beach.  He was babying his arm, but he still had a great time.  He played in the sand, rode on the boat, and even did a cannon ball off the boat in the middle of the lake.  At one point, I watched him climb up on this blow-up trampoline.  He mostly used his left hand, but he had to use his right hand to pull himself up.  He winced a little, but it didn't seem to phase him too much.  So, I figured that he obviously tweaked his arm a little, but it wasn't broken.  

Sunday morning, he woke up with his arm swollen.  I thought that broken bones swelled immediately.  I guess I was wrong.  We made an appointment for Sunday night, and left Bear Lake after lunch.  Sure enough, the X-Ray showed a fracture on both bones a couple inches above his wrist.  The doctor said it was the most common break that they see in little kids.  Oops!  I felt so bad!  Greg came home from the doctor and pointed out that Austin has ALWAYS had an extremely high pain threshold.  From now on, when Austin says that something hurts, it probably hurts 3-times as bad as a normal person.  Sorry Bud!  I promise I'll believe you from now on.  Greg also assured me that, since Austin is a boy, this is definitely not the last time that he will do something unbelievably stupid and hurt himself, so I might want to work on giving sympathy even when the action is completely idiotic.  I'm working on it.  

Silver Lining: Austin is pretty excited to get a cast on and have everyone sign it. 

Macy!!!

Greg went to San Francisco with his dad and brothers to see the Giants play this weekend, so I took Austin and Macy to see Wall-E.  I actually really liked it, even though it was unlike any other animated film I've ever seen.  The funniest thing, though: Macy keeps calling it "Why-Lee."  It is absolutely hilarious!  I stopped trying to correct her.  Even about a half an hour into the movie, she looked at me and said, "Is that Why-Lee?"  Austin was so sweet.  He brought his wallet and he had a gift certificate to Cold Stone (a birthday gift from his friend, Quinn).  He treated Macy and himself to some ice cream after the movie.  What a great brother!

On the way to the movie, Macy ran into the house and insisted that she had to bring her purse like me.  "And I have to put stuff in it."  We're already late (of course), but I let her grab her purse.  She threw in a necklace, a toy stethoscope, some princess socks, and a toy cell phone.  When we got in the car after the movie, she said, "I have to make some calls."  I hear her dial some buttons and start talking: "I can't play right now, Tanner.  I have to go to my Nana's house.  I know you're sad.  Don't worry...I'll play with you tomorrow.  Okay...Bye."  Then, more dialing.  "I'm terribly sorry, Matt, but we went to the movie theater without you.  I know you are sad.  (Sigh)  Next time we go to the movie theater, I will go with you.  Okay...Bye."  Hilarious!  Even funnier with her adorable little lisp ("movie feeder").     

...

Yesterday morning I heard her in the bathroom and she just belts out:

Scenes by the wayside

Tales of the sea

Stories of Jesus

Tell them to me.  

...

Later on, she was walking around the house singing to herself:

You're never fully dressed - Huh (Little bum shake on the "Huh" part)

You're never fully dressed - Huh (Bum shake)

You're never fully dressed - Huh (Bum shake)

Without a...Smile! (Arms out, hands waving) - With the lisp ("wif-out")

Male Brain Vs. Female Brain

Men and Our "Nothing Box"

I thought I would post this You Tube video link in response to a post on my friend Latoya's blog.  (Just click on the title and it should take you to the video clip.)  My dad actually showed us this clip several months ago.  The guy is a little dramatic, but I think it is hilarious and so true!  Greg and I often use this analogy to help us try to understand each other.  Enjoy!

My Baby is Getting Bigger!

You are worried about seeing him spend his early years in doing nothing.  What!  Is it nothing to be happy?  Nothing to skip, play, and run around all day long?  Never in his life will he be so busy again.  ~Jean-Jacques Rousseau

My sweet, darling baby is turning into a curious, opinionated (but still sweet) toddler.  I called Greg yesterday and whined to him that my baby is looking so big!  It's been the past few days that I've noticed.  She not only looks bigger to me, but she's started talking so much more and understanding even more than that.  She tries repeating everything we say, and she just starts jabbering sentences like we know what she's talking about.  She brings me diapers and says, "Pooh, pooh" when she's ready for a change.  Tonight, she got out some stuffed animals and tried to put diapers on them.  Then, she put them on the floor and said, "Night-night" and kissed them.  Sweet Girl!

She's hilarious.  She walks around on her tip-toes, and since she learned to say "Hello" from the British parrot, every time the phone rings, she says, "Hello" over and over again in her own British accent (leaving the "H" off completely).  She adores my dad, and often asks for Nana and Papa throughout the day.  She wakes up in the morning calling for "Dad-dy," and as soon as Greg picks her up (can he really resist his little girl's calls?!?), she points to the open door and says, "Mommy."  She loves us so unconditionally.  We are her entire world, and it just isn't going to last much longer!  That's the blessing of being the third child: We now know how quickly babies grow up, so we cherish these moments so much more deeply!  

She is still my best eater, and she will take my finger and lead me into the kitchen when she is hungry, or she'll stand next to the counter where we keep the fruit bowl and point and ask for "Na-na" (banana).  She also brings me empty cups begging for "ba-ba" (which means milk).  I swear she has a sixth sense for chocolate.  She instinctively knows when it is in the house.  She often brings me the Costco-size bag of trail mix because she knows there are M&Ms inside.  

She does this hilarous thing ever since we taught her "If You Chance to Meet a Frown."  She makes a grumpy face and then opens her eyes really wide and smiles.  It is so funny!  She sings (at least attempts) ABCs, Twinkle Little Star, Row Your Boat, Wheels on the Bus (the crying baby and "shhh-shing" mom are her favorites), Old McDonald, and Popcorn Popping.  She also loves the Popcorn song from the Barenaked Ladies album.  She squeals with delight when she hears the beginning and makes her popcorn hands and says "Pop" over and over again.  Every bird says "quack," but cats "meow" and dogs "bark."  Whenever she sees a dog, she gets excited and says "Mo" (for Molly, my sister's dog).  

 

She has truly turned into a climber.  She climbs on everything - the couch, the table, the piano, up to the computer, etc.  If she can't reach it, she'll go get a stool and put it next to the edge, and then climb up.  She's no dummy!  She colors on everything!  She can hunt down a pencil, pen, crayon, colored pencil, etc. and finds any type of paper to color on (music books, sticky-notes, checks that haven't been cashed).  Oh well...At least it's generally some sort of paper.  

She is just getting so curious!  The girl can empty a cupboard or a shelf like nobody's business.  I love her so much!  She is the joy of my day!  Sometimes I don't do her hair because I love the long, rag-a-muffin hair with her deep, chocolate eyes.  I could just eat her up!

Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist

I've often referred to myself as a "Recovering Perfectionist."  Sometimes, I find this funny because #1) I've come a long way, and #2) It wouldn't hurt a bit if I applied some perfectionistic attitudes to more in my life (like housework-That one was easy to 

let go).  

I want you all to know what an incredibly annoying child I was...in a lot of ways (just ask my mother).  For example, "Not Crying" was on my daily chore chart.  I was also very much a tattletale and a know-it-all.  Apparently, when I was 5 or 6, I got in my parent's friend's car and it was quite messy.  I guess I announced that my dad could clean it for them.  I also wrote a story all about divorce when I was in 1st Grade, and it got published in the school newspaper!  I'm sure they were thinking that there was this poor girl who was struggling with her parent's decisions and publishing this heartbreaking story would give her an outlet and let everyone know how difficult divorce could be for a child.  Of course, my parents were not getting a divorce.  I have no idea where I even got my thoughts about divorce, but it didn't stop everyone in the neighborhood calling my parents to see if everything was okay.  Another time, I guess I went to school and told everyone that my parent's showered together (thus contradicting the "divorce" story).  It must have gotten back to my parents because I still remember my mom explaining to me that there are some things that we should just keep inside our family.   

These are the "cute" examples.  Trust me - I was difficult!  I've just been thinking a lot lately about how deep our thoughts and actions run.  I spend a lot of my time trying to overcome a lot of my insecurities and false ideas about myself and my world that started when I was very, very young.  I have AMAZING parents, and I am in no way blaming them for any of these.  I came with them, so maybe they run even deeper than I can fathom.  

I have always believed that if I couldn't be "The Best" at something, then it wasn't worth trying (Falsehood #1).  And when I failed (which I did constantly because it is incredibly difficult to be "The Best" in the entire world at anything), I was completely crushed.  I was an incredibly sore loser because I truly believed that I shouldn't lose at anything (even a game of UNO).  I constantly compared myself to other people because I had to know how good they were in order for me to try to be better.  

I remember that I lost a Debate tournament in 6th Grade.  My dad came to pick me up and I was in tears and so angry at Mindi Kidd for winning...again!  It seemed to me that Mindi was perfect at everything.  She looked exactly like D.J. (Candace Cameron) from "Full House", she was incredibly smart, and she seemed to succeed at everything she tried (she ended up as Student Body President).  Anyway, my dad looked at me and said, "Well...She must have done a better job than you.  Don't blame her for winning."  I love my dad!  Truly, I do!  I was incredibly offended by his wisdom at the time, but he is absolutely right!  I know for a fact that Mindi's life was not perfect.  She was the first friend I had whose parent's got a divorce.  I remember her coming to school and telling us in 8th Grade.  Her life wasn't "perfect" as I had imagined (whose is), and she was incredibly beautiful, intelligent, and talented.  I didn't realize it at the time, but her outstanding qualities didn't diminish mine or anyone else's.  I just couldn't help but compare.  

I had a hard time enjoying anything.  I'd like to think that I've grown up a bit.  I can now sing and enjoy it for the pure enjoyment of singing and not compare myself or condemn myself for not being the best.  I am a mom of three children, and frankly, at this point in my life, I don't have the time or money to train my voice the way I used to.  But, I've never enjoyed it more in my life.  I sang with Lisa in church a week ago.  Lisa naturally has a stronger and richer voice than I do.  Instead of being embarrassed that mine is the same as hers, or worrying about what people will think, I thoroughly enjoyed singing with her.  I loved the song, and I loved the harmony that I learned.  I also love that she starts out the song because I find so much joy in listening to her.  

I'm feeling the same way about photography.  I have always loved photography as an art.  I have attended a few shows, and when I need a "break" I like to go over to Barnes and Noble and look through photography books (I've done this for years).  I never thought that I had any artistic ability, and believe me, I've tried.  I've taken several art classes over the years, and it just isn't one of my talents.  I have a problem trusting my instincts and doing what comes naturally.  Whatever I produced never looked like the professionals, so I quit (because I wasn't "The Best").  However, at 31, I am finally feeling more comfortable in my own skin and learning to enjoy the journey a bit more.  I am learning, and I am loving the process.  I know I only know a small fraction about what I'm doing, but it just shows me that I have a lifetime to learn, grow, and improve.  I started a very simple photography blog because this one is private and I realized that the people can't view their own pictures.  I would really love some honest, constructive feedback.  It's the only way I'll get better.  :)

This incredibly long winded, somewhat narcissistic post, wasn't meant to go into all my insecurities, nor was it a plea for people to disagree with me.  It's just that I have a lot of insecurities, and I rarely let them out because I have always believed it is a sign of weakness.  I am learning that it is just a sign of being human, and maybe my silly confessions can help other "Recovering Perfectionists" realize that it is not only okay, but a lot more interesting and enjoyable to not be so "perfect."    

You see, when weaving a blanket, an Indian woman leaves a flaw in the weaving of that blanket to let the soul out.  ~Martha Graham

Certain flaws are necessary for the whole.  It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks.  ~Goethe

Lazy Cook

What do you do when you don't want to cook?  I try really hard to cook a decent dinner every night, but sometimes I just can't!  Old Reliable for me is grilled cheese sandwiches (sometimes I add some ham or turkey for a real fancy meal).  For some reason, Greg's mom always served canned peaches with grilled cheese sandwiches.  So, we generally have canned peaches along with it.  (I had a roommate that always served tomato soup with grilled cheese.  This is my personal favorite, but my love for tomatoes must to too strong to share because no one else in my family will touch them.)  When I'm not home, Greg always serves "Mission Surprise" (cooked egg noodles, a can of tuna fish, and some Miracle Whip - Yum!).  

So...I'm curious.  What is your "lazy meal"?  

Learning

I haven't been much of a blogger lately.  I've been spending all of my free time trying to figure out Photoshop and editing some pictures.  I have been extremely blessed the past few weeks to get in some practice.  I did some bridals (so much fun), and Alexie had her baby a couple of weeks ago.  Kind of funny, but two of her close friends had babies at the same time (one on the same day and one the day before).  Alexie graciously let me take some pictures of Max, and she spread the word.  So, I got some practice with three babies in the past two weeks.  I'm also taking a Photoshop 101 class this month (it is only once a week for four weeks).  I went to my first class last Thursday night.  I learned some new stuff, but I was actually quite impressed with the stuff that I managed to teach myself.  I wasn't completely lost when he was talking about everything.  I actually had a lot of fun!  

Thanks to all you patient people for letting me practice.  Greg looked at my pictures and asked me when I am going to find "my own" touch.  I guess right now, I'm just copying a lot of Jen's poses.  But, seriously, she is AMAZING!  Who better to copy from, right?  I'm mostly focusing on figuring out lighting and some of my camera settings.  I'm just enjoying taking it slowly, and I love it when I learn even one new thing!  I think I'm mostly just enjoying having a little hobby. 

Sheri is in our ward and is getting married in August.  Sheri is one of the girls that went on Trek with us a couple of years ago, and Greg and I just adore her.  She is so sweet and was always happy!  Trust me, on Trek, a happy person is priceless!  Somehow, she agreed to let me attempt her bridals.  I was SOOOOO nervous.  She was a little late to the shoot, so I spent that time giving myself a little pep talk.  My heart was pounding, and I just kept thinking, "What am I doing!?!"  I decided I would do my best to fake it, and at the very worst, she isn't paying me so she can pay somebody else to re-take them if she wants.  Once we got going, I calmed down a bit.  I think we got some pretty shots (and a few just for fun).  

This is my new nephew, Max.  He is such a sweetheart.  Alexie was born with a ton of dark hair, too.  My mom used to call her a little papoose.  Alexie's babies have the best cheeks for kissing.  I love it, and I love holding him.  Alexie has even managed to get some use out of Austin's 7-year-old baby clothes (some of them).  We even got a few fun shots of Abby!  She DID NOT want her picture taken.  Abby loves Austin the most in all the world.  So, I had Austin stand behind me and play peek-a-boo with her while we attempted a few shots.  Can you see the perfect kissing cheeks on her?!?  She hates it, but I can't help it and I smooch her anyway!  Alexie has always had gorgeous eyes, and I just love the way they sparkle.  

Little Zoe was born on the same day and in the same hospital as Max.  How funny!  She is just the sweetest thing!  She absolutely loved having her hands in her face, and she did this hilarious little grunting noise to fall asleep.  Did I mention how much I love babies!  Sometimes, I would just hold her while we figured out what we were going to do next.  It was so fun!  Poor Amber had bruises up and down both of her arms from the IV (she said the nurse really had a hard time with her).  Thanks to my Photoshop class, the bruises are gone!  






This is little Addie, and her adorable big sisters Anna and Lilly.  Lilly is only 2 months older than my Paige.  Hello...Paige...You might want to start growing some hair!  Amber is Alexie's best friend since before I can remember.  She is a brave woman with three little girls, ages 3 and under.  But, seriously, they are the cutest little girls, and Amber is so patient.  It was so fun chatting with her while we tried to get Addie to sleep.    

Thank you to all of you for letting me practice.  I'm really having a lot of fun learning!