Austin and ALPS

Beware of the following ramblings. I've already talked this out with a lot of you, but I just wanted to get it down "on paper" and out of my head.

This has been so hard, but we've decided to put Austin in ALPS next year and take him out of Entheos. I've struggled with this decision on so many levels. At first, I thought that I couldn't take him out of the Charter School just because I've worked SO hard on it, and my pride was getting in the way. Then, I had all the people that told me that he shouldn't go to the Charter School in the first place that got stuck in my head. Again...A pride issue. I couldn't let them be right, and have me be wrong. But, luckily, those superficial and selfish thoughts only lasted a short time. What it boiled down to was what was right for Austin - not me.

It all started last Fall when we were really struggling with school. His teacher was calling home nearly every day and he was getting sent home A LOT. I was like a crazy lady, sobbing in the Principal's office. I was desperate for anything!!! So, I signed him up to take the test to get into the ALPS program, and I paid the fee - knowing virtually nothing about the program and even less about the test.

Things did improve at school, but I took him to take the test in February because we'd paid for it already. I about died when we got to the test. First of all, there were two slots available for all of the 2nd Grade in the "West-side Jordan District" (don't get me started on that subject - it makes me downright crazy). Anyway...They stuck him in one of two rooms that were full of 2nd Grade testers. I would guess that there were easily 45 kids testing in 2nd Grade alone. For three hours, he sat with the SAT test normally given to current 2nd graders. When I asked him about it, he said that you were just supposed to read some stuff and then answer some questions about it. He said that he had to fill in little circles. I also asked if the ladies in the room helped him, but he said, "No. You just have to do it by yourself." We did this for two Saturday's, and I was convinced that he would fail miserably. Not that I didn't believe in his aptitude, but he had NEVER taken a test like that in his life, and he honestly wasn't doing that great at tests in his current class.

Apparently...He passed the test with flying colors. They combined the SAT test scores, with a teacher evaluation (which he didn't do that great on), and a personal evaluation (he actually scored himself lower than average which surprised me greatly) to come up with an overall score. I'm not exactly sure how they come up with the score, but the kids needed a score of 50 to get into the program, and Austin came out with a 63. Nobody was more shocked than me.

Then the prayers and fasting began. I'm really sad that he's leaving Entheos because I truly believe in that school and Expeditionary Learning. It is just amazing! And they are making some changes in the Administration and programs that are just so impressive and exciting. But...What it really boiled down to was that it wasn't working for Austin. I really felt like it was the answer several years ago, but I guess now we have a different path for a while. I just want him to live up to his potential and get the most out of school.

He's really sad that he's leaving Entheos, too. He sobbed when he found out, and we still haven't told him our final decision. He has always loved going to school. It's such a dichotomy: He is extremely social and thrives on social experiences, but he really loses control of his impulses when he's around other kids his age. It's a big problem.

Austin really drains me. I love him to pieces, but he is extremely exhausting for me. It makes me so sad that I feel this way. I just could not endure another school year like this one. It was just too hard on me (and him). He would say his prayers at night and ask Heavenly Father to help him not be such a "bad boy." That just breaks my heart. I don't know if I believe that any 6-year-old is "bad." I feel at peace with our decision, and I hope he thrives in this situation. It is so easy for me to forget all the amazing aspects of Austin's character, but he really is such a unique child and has been since birth. He is definitely his own spirit who marches to the beat of his own drum. He is NOT a people pleaser. I actually admire this in him seeing as I've spent most of my adult life trying to come to grips with the fact that it is impossible for me to please EVERYONE. If Austin is going to do something, he has to do it for his own, intrinsic reason. Greg was editing videos and there was a video from Easter when Austin was four. The Easter Bunny left a note explaining that if Austin and Macy wanted to find their Easter baskets and learn more about Jesus, they had to follow the clues. He read the entire note by himself! He read words like "learn" at four - with relative ease!?! This really is a gift of his, and I am hoping and praying that this new teacher and program can help him.