So Many Tears!

So, we made it three whole days without a phone call from Austin's teacher.  But, at 4:00 this afternoon, the inevitable happened.  There's no need to ask "What" because "The usual" will be my response.  Couldn't control his mouth (talking when the teacher is giving instructions or constantly making little spitting or popping noises), constantly left his seat, "bugging" other students.  (People always say "hitting" but what they really mean is touching, poking, pointing to things they are doing, touching pencils, etc.)  His teacher was pretty positive during our discussion, but she did end with: "Well, I'll try this for a week or two, but if things don't get better, I'll need to have a meeting with you, Austin, the Principal, and the District ALPS Coordinator."  Great!

After I got off the phone with her, I just kept thinking, "Is he really that difficult?"  I know he has always had a ton of energy, and he does struggle in social situations, but is he really that strange?  Is he weird?  Is he really so "different"?  I guess I think of children I know, and he doesn't seem so extreme to me.  

We also had Back-To-School Night.  We showed up a little late because he had an appointment to get his permanent cast on, so we had to sit in the back of the cafeteria and we could not hear a thing (neither could anyone around us)!  I explained to Austin that I was bored too, and that I couldn't hear anything either, but this was a good opportunity to practice controlling his body.  He did great!  The kids all around us were extremely rowdy (one kid was pounding his fist on a folding chair, and the 5 kids behind us were playing with trucks all over the chairs, etc.).  Not that I'm judging; I was just thinking: "See...He's not that difficult.  He can hold still and be good.  He's normal, just like all these other kids."  

When we got into the classroom, the teacher was explaining things to the parents, so he was bored.  Again...I think he did a pretty good job at occupying his brain and not being disruptive.  When the teacher was done, all the parents stood up and went to hand their papers into her.  We were at the end of the line because I had brought some ideas that I thought of after our discussion earlier in the afternoon.  There were a couple of kids from his class, and he completely lost it.  He greeted them with a karate chop in front of their face, his voice volume turned up several decibels, and started running and knocked some papers over.  The thing that really got me is that the teacher said she was going to "talk" to the rest of the class about how to act in front of Austin.  She also said, "We'll get through this.  It will be a good challenge for me and a good learning experience."  What!?!  Is this really the most difficult, challenging student she's EVER had?  How is that possible?  

Maybe something really is wrong with him?  I don't want him to be "weird" or "strange."  I don't want the other kids to ostracize him or think that they are "being nice" to be his friend.  I don't want all the mom's in the neighborhood to think that it is a sacrifice on their part for him to play with their kids.  If something really is wrong, then it has been here since birth.  Is this part of his spirit, or is this a physical trial for him?  It must be so extremely frustrating for him to always think of himself as the "Bad Kid" (his words today).  It must be embarrassing to always have to sit by himself instead of with other kids.  It must be maddening to know the rules and not be able to follow them (at least in social situations).  Why on earth did Heavenly Father trust me to figure it out?  

Just this weekend, my father-in-law was talking about his sister-in-law (his brother's wife).  She's a raging hypochondriac, but probably does actually suffer from some of the ailments.  She and her husband are "Ideal Mormons."  He taught at BYU, and all of their kids and grandkids have made the "right" choices, and they spend all their free time writing volumes (I'm not exaggerating) of genealogy.  I guess she constantly makes the comment that some people have trials with their health and other people have trials with their children, and they are grateful that their trials are health and not children.  It infuriates my father-in-law.  He says, "As if you have a choice!"  It's not like Heavenly Father said, "Do you want bad health or would you rather have your seventh child struggle immensely?"  As if my In-laws said, "You know what...I'll take good health.  Who cares about my kids!"  It's so true!  We don't pick these trials.  I'm just having a really, really hard time admitting that something is wrong with my sweet little boy.  I'm having trouble admitting that he'll never "grow out of it" and he'll struggle with this the rest of his life.  I'm having trouble with the fact that I keep putting him in situations where he is judged and labeled.  I'm having trouble with the guilt I feel because I haven't been more understanding.  I'm pretty much having trouble with the whole thing!  

Funny: Outside his classroom, they have some art projects hanging.  The kids were supposed to make flowers growing out of a pot.  It is obvious that all the parts of the flower were cut out already, and the kids just had to assemble them.  The kids were supposed to write or draw pictures about themselves (their likes, talents, abilities, etc.) on the petals and glue them onto the stem and flower pot.  Every single flower is perfect!  Then...There is Austin's.  Three of the flower petals are in place.  The rest of the petals have been cut up and he glued them on as if they were falling off the flower and landed at the bottom of the pot.  I had to laugh at this one.  In truth, Austin could care less about assembling a stupid flower.  I am secretly proud of him for being his own person, being expressive and creative, and not following instructions perfectly, even if he is labeled "The Strange Kid."