Fancy Macy

If any of you have little girlie girls, you have to read the Fancy Nancy books. We've read them before, but over the weekend, my mom read them again to Macy. We were in a store, and I ran to look at some things for Greg, so my mom took the kids to the book section and read these to Macy. She's been obsessed ever since.

On the way to dance class today, Macy said, "Mommy, do I look fancy in my dance clothes." I told her that she was very fancy. She said, "Do you want to name me 'Fancy Nancy'?" I told her that I already named her, and that her name was Macy. She said, "Do you want to name me 'Fancy Macy' then because I am very fancy?" We will survive the "fancy" stage!

Thanksgiving - WARNING: This is a long one!

We had a great Thanksgiving holiday. We went to St. George and stayed in Greg's parent's condo. My mom wanted to "skip" the big meal this year, but I insisted. She made the turkey, and Alexie and I did the rest. Thanks to everyone for being such great sports! I'm glad we had the "traditional meal."

I guess Dad was hungry. We served it buffet style because the table just isn't that big. It took the rest of us a few minutes to get our meal. Even though it's a lot of time cooking and a few minutes of eating, I'm grateful to have a family to cook for. Greg said that the stuffed mushrooms were his favorite. Before bedtime, the kids piled all the pillows in the house on the bed in the master bedroom and jumped on them. Alexie was the "Mom of the Day" as she threw Macy and Abby over and over again onto the pillows. Austin just thrust himself across the pillows. They had the time of their life! Miraculously, there were no serious injuries. My brother-in-law brought the Wii down, and we played it all weekend. It really is so much fun. Maddie kicked our hienies in bowling, but she couldn't beat me at tennis. My dad beat all of us in everything! After playing video game b0wling, Austin wanted to go real bowling (the Wii is definitely easier!). So, Saturday morning, we went bowling. We lucked out and got a lane with the bumpers, otherwise, I'm not so sure Austin and Macy would have had a very good time. Both Austin and Macy were so excited. They threw the ball and waited at the line until it hit the pins (this was a very long time for Macy, but she didn't move). Then, whenever the pins fell down, they both jumped up and down, so surprised, and ran back to tell all of us what happened. Whenever we hit any pins down (even one), Macy would run up to us and congratulate us very excitedly. She's day (every time), "That was perfect!" Paige just loved all the action. She squealed with delight whenever someone came back to their seat, and she was in heaven being passed around.I have so much to be thankful for! I am constantly amazed at my blessings. This past Sunday, the speaker in church quoted President Faust who quoted his daughter who said that when we pray we should ask Heavenly Father to make us worthy of the blessings we enjoy instead of asking for more blessings. I've thought a lot about that, and I think it is so easy to get caught up in the wishes of the world. I wish for a nicer house with a bigger backyard; I wish for a smaller waistline; I wish for a nicer car; I wish for an all-expense paid family vacation, etc. However, when I take a minute and really count my blessings and the "tender mercies" that the Lord has given me, I am truly overwhelmed. It really makes me want to be a better person to be worthy of everything I've been given.

Of course, I am grateful for family. I cannot say enough about Greg. He is an amazing husband and father. I have never been more grateful for our relationship and his dedication to making it better. Thank you...thank you...thank you! At church on Sunday, Austin ran ahead of me and opened the door. He said, "Let me get that for you." He is trying so hard lately! Macy is just a crack up, and very loving. Paige is definitely one of those "tender mercies." She was sent to me exactly when I needed her. This stage is so fun! She is so happy, and she always has the biggest smile for me. I'm so grateful to live close to my parents, my sisters, my brother, Greg's entire family. I had dinner with my sister last week, and we sat and laughed for a few hours in our little booth. What amazing blessings!

Greg loves the show, "How It's Made." He records it and watches it after the kids go to bed. Using Tevo, we can actually watch an entire episode in about 20 minutes. A couple of weeks ago, they had a segment on drinking water. They showed every step of water treatment - from the stream to our faucet. We watched it and just marvelled at the ease of our life. Running water, air conditioning, heating, home insulation, electricity, etc. I am extremely grateful for these things.

I'm grateful for the gospel, and the chance that I have to serve in the church. Our Bishop constantly talks about how running the church is on a volunteer basis, and I am so grateful that it is. I learn so much from the people that I serve with. I love the Primary children. It's so great when they run up to you and say, "Hey...you're my teacher." I feel so blessed to live so close to so many temples. I mostly just feel blessed to have purpose and direction in my life, and to know that someone much bigger than me is in charge of this entire life experience. Faith, hope, and trust are such a blessing.

We had a teacher appreciation dinner yesterday evening. It began with a little stress (although I truly enjoy thanking all of our Primary teachers), but as I drove home, the snow had stopped, and the moon was out. This is one of my all-time favorite experiences! It is so peaceful and beautiful to see the trees coated white, every yard draped in a perfect blanket of snow (free of any footprints), and the ground glowing because of the reflection of the moon. It made me so grateful to live in Utah, in this climate. This beautiful scene, coupled with a really nice evening, lifted my spirits and made me think of all those "tender mercies" the Lord blesses us with.

Enchanted

We went to see "Enchanted" yesterday afternoon. I went with Madeline, my mom, Austin, and Macy. It was pretty funny. I sat by Maddie, and we laughed all the way through it. For any of you that have little girls that are "Princess Fanatics," you will definitely get this movie.

The main character is a soon-to-be princess that gets stuck in New York City (you know this if you've seen a commercial or preview). She is absolutely hilarious! She goes around telling everyone that they look "beautiful," but she does it with such sincerity and expression. After the movie, we commented on what a happier world it would be if we went around telling everyone that they were beautiful and pointing out their best qualities (sparkling eyes or gorgeous hair). My mom agreed that we should start doing this anyway!

I've Been Tagged

The Rules:

1. List the link to your tagger and also post these following rules.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird, etc.
3. Tag 7 people at the the end of your blog also leaving the links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are "TAGGED" by leaving a comment on their blog.

Okay...so I'm not usually very good at these "tag" things. But, since Kim tagged me, I guess I'll give it my best shot. Kim is Greg's darling cousin. In truth, most of Greg's cousins (and there are TONS of them) are quite a bit older than I am, and not all that interested in a friendship. Then...there's Kim. I love Kim, and I've loved getting to know her better through her blog. So, I'll be a good sport and do this. As you can see from my posts, I normally have a difficult time talking about myself. My husband and my kids are just so much more interesting, funny, exciting, etc. Here goes:

1. I am a pretty decent snow skier. Neither of my parents ski, but when I was in Jr. High, they had a ski program where you got to get out of school early once a week, bus up to Brighton (ski resort), and have a lesson and "free" ski. When Greg and I were dating, we went on a ski trip with some friends. I hadn't skied in 10 years, and I was so nervous because Greg is an excellent skier and snowboarder. But, I got up to the top of the hill and soared down. I guess it was a lot like riding a bike, so to speak. I've never tried snowboarding because we only go skiing about once a winter because it is so stinkin' expensive! But, I really do love it, and it's something Greg and I can do together.

2. I am a "Recovering Perfectionist." I'm actually recovering beautifully, and I'm sure my husband would appreciate much more "perfection" in my life (especially when it comes to organization and routine). As a child, and especially in Jr. High, High School, and College, I put an awful lot of pressure on myself. When I did mess up, I was devastated and embarrassed. I had several anxiety attacks and meltdowns. I'm working on it!

3. One of the most fun things I've ever done in my life is being a balloon handler in the Macy's Day Parade in New York. We had kind of a lame balloon - Peter Rabbit. I was 20, and I did this with my sister, Lisa, who is a year younger than me. We had to turn in our measurements because every balloon has a designated color, and every balloon handler gets to wear that color of jumpsuit. Well, we knew it would be cold (freezing, actually - The wind chill factor made it so it was the kind of freezing like the scene in "Dumb and Dumber" [one of my husband's all-time favorite movies] where their snot freezes to their face.) Anyway...we knew it would be cold so we added a few inches to all of our measurements to allow for coats, sweaters, gloves, hats, etc. underneath. Apparently, the parade planners account for this as well. We got our jumpsuits and started laughing hysterically. These dark brown jumpsuits were for behemoth's - The parade was expecting two 6'2", 300 pound women. The jumpsuits were so big that the crotch fell below my knees. Despite that, we had a blast! It's actually quite difficult because you have to keep the balloon down until the very end where you put it up for the cameras. As soon as you pass the cameras, you turn the corner, and you have just a couple of minutes to take down the balloon. So, there are about 50 people lying down on this huge balloon - you have to put your whole body into it. People are running around, frantically screaming to hurry it up and work hard, but there is so much helium that they are speaking in that high pitched voice. Lisa and I were rolling on the balloon laughing our heads off. We just couldn't take anyone seriously in that high voice. Even though we had a blast, the parade probably didn't miss us the next year.

4. I work through a lot of my problems and stresses in my dreams. I reconcile friendships that ended badly, plan Primary activities, parent my children correctly, etc. Sometimes, after I wake up, it is so real to me that I can't determine if I really did something or if I just dreamed it.

5. I love skinny dipping! I love swimming anyway, but I really love swimming naked. I am usually not all that comfortable being naked, and as Macy pointed out, nobody really likes me naked. But, if I ever get a chance to do this, I love it! It makes Greg very nervous. I got him to do it with me once, and after about 1 minute of pure stress, Greg was ready to put his swimsuit back on. Quite honestly, it's usually the other way around. Greg is usually the one telling me to relax and enjoy myself.

6. One day, I'd love to backpack through Europe. This is one of the very few regrets of my life. I actually don't really believe in regrets. I believe that when you choose one way, you sacrifice other things and that's okay. But, I do kind of wish that Greg and I would have done this before we had children. It's not something that we can do while we have children at home. So, in about 20 years, I'd love to take 6 weeks and travel throughout Europe.

7. I love playing practical jokes, but I get so excited that I usually give away too many hints ahead of time and usually blow it. Most of the practical jokes that I play revolve around Christmas, but it is just so fun for me. I also don't mind being the brunt of a really good practical joke. I've got a good one in mind for this Christmas, and I've asked Greg to be in on it, but he has his doubts. I think I'm a lot funnier than he does.

There you go. I can't believe how difficult it was to come up with 7 things! I won't officially "tag" anyone, but I would absolutely LOVE it if anyone wants to do this on their blog! So, consider yourself tagged if you're reading this (but I won't hold it against you if you don't do it either)! :)

Austiosos

My mom says that I don't write enough positive about this little man. I'm so sorry...I really do love and adore you. He's started really enjoying drawing and writing notes. I absolutely cherish these notes. I love it how he spells everything phonetically. It brings me so much joy! How boring it is going to be when he can spell everything correctly. The other day, he got it in his head that he was going to write people at school a "letter." These are generally pictures of the person in which the "letter" is addressed with Austin and some sort of written note about the person. He did one for Miss Rachl (his 1st grade teacher), Miss Carin (his class aid), Mr. Dan (the other 1st grade teacher), Miss Emily (his kindergarten teacher), Miss Kristena (the other kindergarten teacher), Miss Lexie (the music teacher), and Miss Desira (the art teacher). *Notice the phonetically correct name spelling. He worked on them all evening, but didn't finish. He was up at 5:30 the next morning to finish. He was so excited. He put them in a plastic sack on which he wrote "Entheos teechr envelops." He delivered them and was so happy!

He also writes books. On the front cover, he writes "written and illustrated by Austin." He wrote my mom a book for her birthday about a dragon that lives in a cave and eats bats. The baby dragon is born and breathes fire on a horse. Then, the dragon eats the horse for dinner. He was so proud of his book. It is so fun to see him really enjoy drawing because it really isn't something in which he's taken interest in the past. He also LOVES Lego's, anything Star Wars, riding his Razor (scooter) like a maniac, and his Kinex. He is really enjoying Tae Kwon Do, and he actually won a listening game last week. I know...I was shocked! He's getting much better at concentrating rather than giving into the distraction of other kids in the class.

He's a good kid who really does try (most of the time). Last Sunday, he was trying so hard to be good during Sharing Time. He opened his Book of Mormon and read four pages of Alma. He kept coming to tell me what he had read. I don't know how much he actually understood, or if he really read all four pages, but he did read verses on each page.

He has so many amazing qualities! I marvel at his abilities and his thoughts. We have some very interesting, thought-provoking discussions. He is growing so fast, and it is sad to see him lose some of his innocence. But, it is incredible to watch that little brain operate! He is so loving, and so happy! When Austin was born, I worked with a man that always "dedicated" a song to each of his children when they are born. I kind of liked this idea because I've always felt like my dad kind of "unofficially" dedicated "In My Life" by the Beatles to his kids. When Austin was a couple months old, I heard "Your Song" by Elton John and I just cried (kind of corny, I know, I blame it on the hormone imbalance). Every time I hear it, I think of Austin. I love you, Bud.

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside

I'm not one of those who can easily hide

I don't have much money but boy if I did

I'd buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no

Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show

I know it's not much but it's the best I can do

My gift is my song and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song

It may be quite simple but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss

Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross

But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song

It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do

You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue

Anyway the thing is what I really mean

Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world

Thanks so much for the pictures, Jen. I can't say how much I love what you do! You have such a talent for capturing the perfect moments!

Macy Love

What can I say about this one! She should be a stand up comic. After the "naked" comment, my dad said that I am going to have to publish a book of Macyisms. I think I could write a commercial:

10 boxes of toys dumped out in one heaping pile; 1 hour of organizing and clean up...3 overflowing sinks from playing "tea party"; emergency mopping...1 unflushed toilet; a "natural" scent that lingers throughout the house...crackers ground into the carpet of every room; three different vacuums to get it all up...never ending whining about a glass of milk; 2 gallons a week...daily Disney Princess movies; 1 bottle of Excedrin...a trail of clothes leading to one naked little body; evil eye from the older neighbors..."Look Mommy - I can do 'I love you' with my fingers"; priceless.

She found a "pet" worm:

Tragedy strikes - The worm got ripped in half:

Paigie Pie

How can I express my joy!

• She crawls (on her knees if she's on carpet, on one knee and one foot if she's on hardwood or tile) and pulls herself up on everything. She tends to get stuck under chairs (and the piano) quite often and she doesn't care for it. She got stuck under the bar stool the other day and stood up, holding onto the legs while whining for help to escape. Austin and Macy got the biggest kick out of it. Austin said, "Paige put herself in jail." And everything goes in the mouth. I'm sure she's eaten her fair share of "mystery" items off the floor.
• She talks (kind of). She says, "Da da, Na na, Nay nay, Ma Ma," and new today, "Ba ba." She doesn't know what they mean, but I love to listen to her jabber. She has a very happy squeal that she attaches to any of the above sounds.
• She sleeps. She takes a few naps a day and sleeps through the night. When she wakes up, or if she isn't happy about being put down, she climbs up on the bars in the crib and stands, facing the doorway and "screaming" for me. She stops crying immediately when I pick her up. She is also great at sleeping in her car seat if we are away from home. All I have to do is drape the blanket over the carrier and she's out in a couple of minutes. Greg can get her to sleep in his arms, but I can't do that anymore. She sucks on her bottom lip when she's tired. It's adorable.
• She's getting teeth. She's be miserable the past few days. One day, she'll have a fever of 103, the next day she's fine. She won't let us near her mouth, but there is definitely a large white bump on her bottom gum. It should pop through any day. This is such a hard time. Poor baby!
• She dances and claps. She dances to any music: toys, commercials, ring tones, etc. It is so adorable! She bounces and shakes her head. She also loves to clap. Only one hand moves, the other one just stays in place. So funny!
• She smiles...ALL the time. It is so easy to get a huge grin out of her. All we have to do is look at her, and she lights up. She looks for Macy and Austin all the time. I get her out of her crib and she automatically turns to the doorway and down the hall. She squeals with delight and kicks her feet when she sees either one of them. How great would that be if we squealed and kicked whenever we saw someone we loved!

Too Late

I never do this, but I just couldn't sleep. I was so tired, and I took some headache medicine and went to bed early (10:45 - I really do try every night to get to bed at 10:30, but I'm lucky to close my eyes before 11:30). Greg came to bed about a half hour later and we started talking. I guess we both had some things on our mind. Anyway, he fell asleep (my talking will usually do that to him), and I finally got up at about quarter to one. I realized that I hardly ate dinner, so I had some toast, then came down to the computer. I put on Jen's blog to listen to her array of music. (I'm so out of the music circuit; if you wouldn't hear it on Sesame Street, then I probably don't know it. But, I can sing about 5 different versions of John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, and I do great harmony to Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.) I've been working on Primary stuff ever since to try to clear my head. I'm about to search the Internet for some dye-free Christmas candy to put in my kid's stockings, but I thought I write a few words.

I got the Ensign yesterday (I know...I know...you all probably got it a long time ago, but we really need to get in the habit of getting our mail more than once a week - I'm surprised we don't get hate mail from the mailman). After I glanced through the Priesthood Session talks, I turned to the beginning and read Elder Packer's talk on serving in the church. I remembered this talk from conference, and I loved what he said about how each calling is important, and how marvelous it is that we have members that serve one another. But, as I was reading, I was struck by something that he said. In talking about the worth of souls in the sight of the Lord, he said, "It would be very disappointing to my wife and to me if we supposed any one of our children would think that we think we are of more worth to the family or to the Church than they are." Even though he was talking about serving in callings in the church, I applied it to my little family. He said that even though we, as parents, "preside" over our family, every family member is worth the same "to the family."

Maybe this is totally obvious to most of you, and I'm probably not saying exactly what I mean - words are so inadequate. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father understands the heart because I have such a difficult time verbalizing what I really feel inside. Anyway...I don't think I ever thought of Greg and I as more important than our children to our family, but we are the ones that organized this family. We are the ones that brought children into this family. We should be the ones responsible for shaping and molding this family, right?!? Maybe not...maybe I should change the way I look at it. Maybe Heavenly Father sent us these children to shape, mold, and teach us. They are of the same "worth" as us, as parents. After all, without them, we wouldn't be the same family. Even little Paige, at 8 months old, is of the same worth as any of us. How different our lives would be without her! Even though she's only been here 8 months, I can hardly remember what it felt like without her. I can picture us in my mind before she was born, but I can't remember the feeling of not having her.

I really believe that the spirits of my children were more valiant than I was in the premortal world. I look at them, their gifts, talents, abilities, tendencies, etc. and wonder what Heavenly Father has in store for them. They are each so different and so intriguing, yet they all have an energy and a determination that is absolutely explosive. They are all "do-ers." Instead of always thinking what I have to offer them (in terms of what I need to teach them and do for them), perhaps I should start trying to figure out what they have to offer to me. They were sent to me for a reason and purpose, and they have as much "worth" to our family as any other member.

I also read Sister Beck's talk on "Mother's Who Know." I should probably memorize this one. You know, becoming a wife was such an easy transition for me. It felt so natural to me, and I think I'm a very good wife (maybe not the best housekeeper, but a pretty good wife). The transition to kids was more difficult. I really had a hard time figuring out how to be a wife and a mother simultaneously. I'm learning as I go, and I fear that I'm a slow learner. I really do love this talk, and I want to be a "knowing" Mother. This is my new prayer - one that is truly always in my heart.

How much do I LOVE this picture!?! Thanks, Jen!

George Washington Night

As many of you know, Austin attends Entheos Expeditionary Learning, a local charter school. The founders of this school do not believe in “traditional” fundraisers like selling candy bars or wrapping paper door-to-door. One of the main reasons is because a large majority of this money goes to the company providing the “fundraiser” and only a very small portion goes to the school. As you may or may not know, charter schools are PUBLIC schools. We get our funding through state and federal money. We actually get less money per pupil than public schools located within districts. Therefore, it is still vital that we host fundraisers.

We have a fundraiser coming up this Friday night entitled, “An Evening with George Washington.” An actor comes dressed as George Washington and tells about his life and gives excerpts from famous speeches. I have never actually seen this performance, but he came highly recommended. The best part is, the actor only charges $150 and we get to use the rest of the money for the school! It should be a fabulous evening if anybody wants to attend.

“An Evening with George Washington”
Date: Friday, November 16th
Time: 7:00 p.m.
Place: Entheos (4710 West 6200 South in Kearns)
Cost: $5 per person, $20 per family ($15 per family if purchased in advance)

NAKED

*During this entire conversation, keep in mind that Macy was using her slightly snotty, know-it-all, very matter-of-fact voice and a straight face.

So, Macy walked in on me this morning while I was using the bathroom. She just waltzed right into the bathroom and asked, "Why are you going to the bathroom?" (I just love it when she is so obviously "3" by asking ridiculous and totally apparent questions). I said, "Because I had to go." When I was finished, I planned on getting in the shower and started to undress. Then she asked, "Why aren't you pulling your pants back up?" (I have actually turned the shower on at this point and it is running. Since this was clearly another ridiculous question, I decided to have some fun with her.) I said, "Oh...I'm not going to wear any clothes today. I'm going to be naked the whole day. Don't you think it's a good idea to go to church naked?" She said, "no." I asked, "Why?" She said, "Because nobody likes you naked!"

Don't worry - There won't be any pictures to go along with this entry!

Productive Saturday

WARNING: This is kind of a boring entry, but I'm using my blog as my journal as well, and I just had to record a productive day!

I had a very effective Saturday, thanks to Greg helping out with the kids. First, I did a deep clean of the bathrooms. This included getting the steam cleaner out to get even the baseboards and the corners. I also washed all of the bathroom rugs. By the time I was finished, you could have eaten dinner off the floor (or even the toilet).

Then, I planted bulbs in my garden. Gardening is one of the skills that I really wished I possessed. I fake it, but I can never recreate the beauty that is in my head. One day, when I have some free time (ha, ha, ha), I'm going to take some gardening classes and learn how to get my garden to look like the temple grounds. Anyway...I planted 84 tulip bulbs in our small flowerbed, as well as some Hyacinth bulbs. My friend, Kim, has some gorgeous Hyacinth's that come up every Spring. I've admired them for years, so I decided to put a few of those in as well. There is something about planting bulbs that fascinates me. I put these in the ground and then wait for the ground to freeze over the winter. Instead of killing the bulb, it awakens every spring to surprise me with such beauty. Every time a plant one, I can't help but wonder if it will emerge in the Spring. To me, it's just one of nature's little miracles.

In the evening, Greg and I attended the Temple with my parents and my Aunt Susan. It was a very nice session, and quite inspiring. Although the sister on the back row was snoring. :) I have to admit that it felt great to just sit and relax after such a busy day. I can't tell you how good it feels to get something accomplished. Most days, I feel like I am just trying to keep up with the tornado that emerges from Austin, Macy, and Paige, let alone have time for "deep cleaning" or household projects. I've come to the conclusion that my house will never be clean again for several years. I remember when I used to take half a Saturday and have the entire house cleaned (bathrooms, laundry, floors, kitchen, etc.). So instead of having a completely clean house, I just have bits and pieces that get cleaned while the rest goes to pot. So, at this point in time, if you come over, please take a few minutes to enjoy the pristine bathrooms (and ignore the rest!).

Some Quotes on Childhood

They recently released my wonderful 2nd Counselor, so I bought her a book full of artwork and quotes about children. Before I give it to her, I'd like to share some of my favorites:

• Love your children. Cherish them. They are so precious. They are so very, very important. They are the future. You need more than your own wisdom in rearing them. You need the help of the Lord...Pray for that help and follow the inspiration which you receive. - Gordon B. Hinckley
  
• Childhood is the most beautiful of all seasons. - Unknown
  
• There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million. - Walt Streightiff
  
• Kids: They dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford
  
• I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift would be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt
  
• We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. - Stacia Tauscher
  
• Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. - Garrison Keillor
  
• I love these little people; and it is not a slight thing, when they, who are so fresh from God, love us. - Charles Dickens
  
• The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him. - Pablo Casals
  
• While we are trying to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about. - Angela Schwindt
  
• When I approach a child, he inspires in me two sentiments: tenderness for what he is, and respect for what he may become. - Louis Pasteur

My "babies":

I Really Need to Cut Back on the Crazy

I have got to pull it together because I think people are a little sick of my "crazy." The stories of me and my insanity are legendary in my family. My parents love to talk about the nutty little girl that sobbed uncontrollably in my bed because I stepped on my hamster and killed it and was afraid that constituted murder so I was never going to heaven. Or, the time they took me in a cave, turned out the lights, and made a joke that the switch was broken to turn it back on and I totally freaked out. Or, when the fear of nuclear annihilation was huge in the early 80s, and I was terrified that they were going to drop some kind of bomb in Murray, Utah and our skin would melt off our bodies. Then, Lisa likes to tell the one where I hated my hair so I threw the brush at the mirror and stormed out of the bathroom. Greg likes the story of when we had been married about two months and he criticized the way I was making scrambled eggs (he had the audacity to suggest that I not use a metal fork on a Teflon pan because it would ruin the pan). Anyway, I ended up throwing the eggs in the garbage and telling him that if he didn't like the way I made eggs, he could make them himself - all while storming out of the kitchen.

Greg thinks I'm absolutely loony because I hold my thumb in between my pointer finger and middle finger while making a fist - subconsciously (like when I'm sleeping or while we're watching a movie or waiting in line). I also don't like things to touch my neck when I'm relaxing so I take the neck of the shirt and put it on my chin. I would also die of mortification if Greg ever heard me fluff (that's what we call it in my family; my mom always hated the word "fart" - for years, I thought "fart" was the "F-word"). So, when we're lying in bed at night, I make him plug his ears and talk out loud so he doesn't hear it. I also sleep with clothes by my bed just in case there's a fire in the middle of the night. That way, I can just slip on my clothes and not have to be caught outside in my underwear. For the record, I've never been in a house that has been on fire. Probably not much of a chance of that happening, but I keep the clothes next to me just in case.

No wonder Greg suggested that I be put on medication yesterday! Unfortunately, these are the nutty things that people know about. They have no idea of the craziness inside my head.

For the third time in two and a half months, Austin was sent home from school yesterday for disrupting the class and not listening to the teacher. I totally and completely lost it. I sobbed for most of the day - to the point where I had a headache and it was painful to try to keep my eyes open (does anyone else ever do that?). I called Greg I don't know how many times completely erratic - crying and going on and on about my inadequacies as a mother and wife. I have a very hard time understanding how this isn't my fault. You hear all the time how we're raising a generation that has no respect for their elders. I have tried beyond belief, but I can't seem to teach him that. I listen to parents say that it isn't their fault, yet as an outsider looking in, I can see some behaviors that may be making the situation worse. How come I can't see it in my own family? How come I can't see it in my mothering? How come I don't know how to teach and help my children?

A friend made a comment to my sister that she loves reading my blog because it is about this "perfect" life where the family eats dinner together and the husband brings the wife flowers. I generally try to write when I am in a good mood and not in "crazy mode," but I feel like I've been portraying something that is false. Yes, my kids do say and do lots of funny, adorable things. And I absolutely relish those moments. Those are the moments when I think to myself how grateful I am for these little beings that live in my home and produce these wonderful, spontaneous moments. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. And I LOVE babies! I should probably have children until they are three and then pass them along to someone else. I am struggling beyond measure with this 6-year-old. And he's only six! What on earth am I going to do with a thirteen-year-old? The thought nearly suffocates me. And for as many adorable moments that Macy has, she has just as many bratty moments. I am sick to death of the whining, screaming, and sassiness that comes out of her mouth. A LOT of the day is filled with her brattiness. I feel like everything is spinning out of control. And when it spins out of control, out comes the crazy!

I feel like I should be able to handle this. These are normal, everyday problems. I have healthy, strong children with exciting minds and endless energy. I have a husband that loves me and is devoted to our family. I have a beautiful home and wonderful friends and neighbors. I have enough food in the cupboard and in the fridge. I know that opposition is a part of life and we should expect it. So why can't I handle this!?! I look at people that I love whose lives are so full of turmoil because of physical illness or choices that other people are making, and my heart breaks for them. And I can't even handle this everyday problem. I feel guilty, weak, faithless, and like I'm letting everyone down, especially these perfect little spirits that were entrusted to me.

Let me say two things:
#1 I did not write this for because I want people to leave comments disagreeing with me. I wrote this because it is honest and raw. I was very, very low yesterday. I do not feel this way all the time; I don't even feel this way most of the time. Every once in a while, I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world and I just can't do it anymore. In my frustration and helplessness, I turn "crazy." I am generally an optimistic, hardworking person. I will keep searching for answers and trying to be faithful. I know that fear is the opposite of faith. Right now, I have way too much fear. I have been on my knees for years asking for guidance, and I just have to keep that up. I feel like I've gotten answers in the past, but I'm having a hard time hearing the answers right now. I felt very strongly that this school was an answer to my prayers, and I'm having a hard time figuring out why it isn't working.

#2 I really do love my kids. I took the chance, writing this entry, that people may or may not call social services, but I really do adore them. I have learned more in the past six years than I ever dreamed. These three spirits have enriched my life and given me a purpose that I never would have known. The funny and poignant things that they say are absolutely priceless. The warmth and fulfillment I get by holding them and loving them cannot be expressed in words. I absolutely do not regret having this family. It's scary to me to let them grow up (there's that "fear" again). I so enjoy the young, innocent little scientists - exploring anything and everything. I love watching their personalities and interests emerge. I am so grateful that I have them! Greg and I have decided that all we can do is love them more. We are making a very conscious effort to show more love. It's a hard thing to learn - how to love the person, the eternal spirit, and not love the behavior; how to love the "whole" person - weaknesses and all! I'm grateful for all of your love, in spite of my "crazy."

So Darn Funny

I took Macy to dance class today, and her teacher showed her the costume for the Christmas recital. It's light blue velvet with silver, sparkly snowflakes, feathers around the shoulders, and layers of ruffles with sequins for the skirt. Macy looked at it and said (in a very matter-of-fact tone), "That is so darn cute."

Things like this totally make my day!

We Said 3-5 Years (We're Looking at 8+)

Really, this title could be used to describe several "goals" Greg and I set when we were first married. One of them being that we would probably only need to "borrow" my parents first bedroom set for about 3-5 years. Don't get me wrong - this was a fabulous set right out of 1975. The way my mom describes it, my dad went to the deepest, darkest corners of Granite Furniture and found the cheapest thing in the entire store. Amazingly, it has lasted 32 years! Today, we purchased a new one.

This all came about because we decided to move Austin to the downstairs bedroom. Up to now, Macy and Paige have been sharing a room. This works out fine until Macy decides to climb in the crib to wake Paige up. So, in order to save my sanity and spare Macy's life, we decided to move Austin downstairs, Macy into Austin's old room, and keep Paige in her room. Unfortunately, we are not fast movers. We (meaning Greg) finally finished painting Austin's room. I liked the colors of his old room so much that we went with the same color scheme: dark blue on top, lighter blue on the bottom with a white trim. To be really fun, we (again, meaning Greg) painted one wall with magnetic paint first covered with chalk board paint. We thought we were being fun, cool parents, but Greg's brother said, "Why don't you just buy him a chalk board?" I still think it will be fun for our kids to be "allowed" to draw on the wall.

Anyway...we also "borrowed" the bunk beds from my parents. These were from my childhood and are on their last leg, but Austin loves them. We needed a new dresser for his new room. I've been looking for about a month now, and I just couldn't find anything I liked. Then, I had this brilliant idea: We could give Austin one of our old dressers (which is really my parents old dresser) and we could get new ones! Greg thought I was brilliant as well. So, today, we went in search of a new dresser for me and chest of drawers for him. We bought a new headboard a couple years ago when we bought our king-size bed. We were looking for something to match the cherry wood. We narrowed it down to two: one that I liked and picked out and one that he liked and picked out. After walking back and forth between the two about 50 times, weighing the differences, and trying to convince the other person that we were right, we decided to go to lunch. I suggested "Rock, Paper, Scissors", but Greg refused because I always win that game (which I do). Then, Greg had a brilliant idea. He said we should call my mom and have her come and decide. The deal was that we couldn't tell her which one of us picked which set and that she couldn't look at the price. The deal was that we couldn't disagree with her - her word was final. I thought I had it made! Surely my mother would agree with my style. I was wrong.

My mom was so excited and a little drunk with her newfound power that she left work right away. After weighing the options, she chose Greg's set. It is a very nice set, and better made. It's just very "safe." Mine was much more interesting and had more character. Oh well...I'm trying to be a good sport. My mom was trying to convince us to buy the entire set. She said that we've (meaning our entire family) done things half way all our life to save a little money and that we should have a full bedroom set that matches. I do love the sleigh bed. Maybe we can finish off the set next year! :)
I've never decorated my bedroom. I know that all the wisdom of Oprah suggests that your bedroom is your sanctuary. Mine could be better defined as "the hiding place." Meaning that other people see all the other rooms in your house before they see your bedroom, and when people come over, I shove all my piles and mess in my bedroom and shut the door. That way, I come off as the perfect homemaker, but not a very romantic wife. Anyway...my parents always give us a certain amount of money for Christmas, and I think I will pick out some new bedding. I want to paint our room and put up crown molding. I've always loved the painting by Gustav Klimt entitled, "The Kiss." Maybe I'll purchase a reproduction and decorate the room around that. The good news is that Greg feels slightly guilty for "winning" so I think he'll let me finish the room the way I want!

Happy Halloween!

We had a very fun Halloween. Greg helped the kids carve pumpkins on Tuesday night, which we grew in our garden, while I took pictures of the festivities. We actually grew six of them, but three of them stayed green and never turned orange. So, we carved a few. The best part was that Greg had picked Austin up from school that day and came home with two dozen roses for me. Greg loves to surprise me with flowers out of the blue for no reason at all. What an amazing husband (and son)! Greg carved a witch for Macy, and Austin created his own scary/funny face. Macy was hilarious (as always). After Greg had cut around the top of the pumpkin and was about to pull it off, Macy said, "Is there going to be blood inside?" After he took it off, she looked in and said (in a very excited and relieved voice), "Nuts!" I guess pumpkin seeds resemble nuts. Both she and Austin were good sports and helped clean out the inside. I had her hold it up and told her to pretend like she was eating it for a picture, but she wasn't going to do that!

Macy wanted to be a witch for Halloween, so we went and bought a pattern last month. Then, she changed her mind to a Princess. When we went to look at fabric, the Halloween fabric was so much more fun than another pink frilly dress, so my mom and I talked her into being a Princess-Witch. She was thrilled! Austin wanted to be Dracula. This is possibly the easiest costume ever. I bought him black pants and a long-sleeve, white dress shirt (which he desperately needed anyway for church), a $3.95 black cape from Walmart, and some face paint. It was great! Paige was a little duck. I bought this costume when Austin was a baby, and now it's been through Macy and Paige.

At school, Austin's class studied about spiders for the entire day-math had to do with spiders, reading groups had special books about spiders, and someone brought in a tarantula. The classroom was decorated with giant spiders on the ceiling, and spider legs hanging over the windows and doorways. Very creepy (and thrilling for a 6-year-old boy)! Miss Rachael even dressed like a Black Widow. I went to his school for the parade while Greg took the girls trick-or-treating at his office. After that, we had chicken noodle soup and they went trick-or-treating. While they were gone, I gave Paige a sucker for the first time. She loved it! Occasionally, she would lose track of it, and it was often stuck to a part of her body. I would find it on her belly or the back of her arm. Another little girl with a sweet tooth!

As always, both my kids loved giving out treats even more than receiving them. Macy sat on the front porch with Greg with the candy bowl. My good friend, Angi, used to live across the street from us. She was like the neighborhood Grandma (even though she was only 30-something). She always had extra fun treat bags for the neighborhood kids. So, in my feeble attempt to be like Angi (Greg said that those are huge shoes to fill), I did some fun treat bags for Austin and Macy's closest friends. Great fun was had by all!

I'm such a mean mom (as Greg would say) because I kept a few treats for the kids, but the majority of the candy was left out for the Halloween Goblin. We are trying to keep Austin off food dye, which is nearly impossible with Halloween candy. So, in the middle of the night, the Halloween Goblin came to our house and left a Polly Pocket for Macy and a magnetix Spiderman figure for Austin. They still got to enjoy the holiday and participate in trick-or-treating, but we don't have to succumb to food dye. Even though Greg probably doesn't believe me, I really did struggle with this one. I want my kids to have the "normal" childhood that we experienced. We never had to share or ration our Halloween candy. (Although we did have to dump our bags out and let me dad take whatever he wanted. He said it was rent for letting us live in the house.) I don't want Austin to be "weird," but I don't want crazy behavior either. I don't know! My doubts were made more apparent the next morning when I got a call from the woman that we carpool with. She said we didn't have to pick her kids up for school because she was letting them sleep in because Halloween was such an exhausting night. Greg said she was the "cool mom." Sorry Austin...I guess I'm not "cool"!