A Vow of Kindness

I rarely watch Oprah, but I the other day she had a psychologist from Britain who has devoted his career to studying "happiness." (I'm sure this is a re-run, but like I said, I only watch Oprah a couple times a year.) Anyway...it caught my attention so I Tevo-ed it and watched it. It was kind of interesting. It turns out that it wasn't "happiness," but more of an inner joy/peace that certain people have and other people don't. Several people were interviewed, ranging from "very happy" to "quite miserable." For example, on man was a funeral home director and talked about how he views his job as an opportunity to help people during a very difficult time in their lives. He had affirmations that he said every morning, and a very positive attitude. The psychologist made the point that helping people (serving others) was a key component to happiness. There was another guest that the psychologist described as a "chosen optimist" because bad things had happened in her life, but she chose to start out every day being grateful and positive. She also tried not to compare herself and her life to anyone else. At the end of the show, Oprah asked what people could do today to be more happy. These were the two suggestions:
1) Forget the past. The psychologist said that he believes that anyone who lives to be 30 years old has experienced enough in order to be miserable the rest of their life. So, we just need to let the past be the past and not worry about changing it. We should go forward with a determination to do better.
2) We should take a "vow of kindness".

This reminds me of a talk that President Hinckley gave at the end of conference. I wanted to quote it, but I loved the entire talk. I tried posting a link, but it didn't work. His talk is entitled, "Each a Better Person" and is published in the November 2002 Ensign. It's short, but some great thoughts on moving forward with a resolve to be a better person in every aspect of our lives.

"A Vow of Kindness" - I love that language. Nothing he said was new to me. I know that service and a positive attitude help with happiness, but I like the wording. I think that I am generally a nice person, but I can be more kind to my children and my family. I say things to them that I would never to say to anyone else - even a stranger at the grocery store. I would never put my finger in someone else's face and say very sternly, "Stop that right now" (notice the absence of "please"). And I would never grab somebody by the arm (perhaps a little too tightly at times) and say, "Go to your room right now!" Why do I think I have a right to do that just because they are children (correction: my children - I would never do that to a neighbor kid). I need to take a "Vow of Kindness" within the walls of my own home. This is so easy to say right now because Austin is at school and Macy and Paige are both sleeping. It's so easy to be patient, kind, and loving when the kids are no where near me. Why is this so hard? It shouldn't be!

We went to a Parenting Fireside on Sunday night with Elder Ballard and Richard and Linda Eyre. It was so nice to see Elder Ballard in a more relaxed setting, and I've actually heard the Eyre's speak before, but it's always nice to hear again. I took my Spiderman notebook with me, and these are some of the things that I got out of it:

• Parenting is the hardest job you'll ever love. It really is! I rock Paige to sleep at night, and I have such a hard time putting her down once she's asleep. I love to hold her and love her. And my kids are so funny! Our life definitely wouldn't be as interesting if they weren't around.
• We are raising treasures. Our kids are pretty much who they are - we just need to discover it. Brother Eyre told of an experience he had one night when he got up in the middle of the night with one of his babies. The baby wasn't hungry or messy, but he was still crying. Amid frustration, he came to the realization that this baby was actually his brother. Just because he was born 30 years earlier, what right did he have to be frustrated with this little being? If the baby had been born first, the baby may have been frustrated with him instead. These children are on loan to us, and perhaps they were the more righteous ones in the preexistence. Maybe they have an incredibly important mission in life, and we just need to raise them in order for them to complete that mission. I've heard President Monson say that children have so much energy because they have such enormous spirits in such a tiny body. I try to remember that when my kids are bouncing off the walls in Sacrament Meeting.
• Live from good moment to good moment and forget the stuff in between. This is very similar to the marriage advice my dad gave me. He believes that marriage is a roller coaster. If we are in a "high" point right now, enjoy it! If we are in a "low" point, ride it out because it's bound to get better.
• It's not a game of perfect. We must never give up on our children.
• No guilt - Don't judge yourself. Don't take too much pride in a child that does well; don't feel too guilty for a child that struggles.
• Less than 1/5 of our lives will be spent in child-rearing. I guess that's even more of an excuse for me to continue to rock Paige to sleep at night. I've got to enjoy it while it lasts!
• Family Laws: They have five, one-word rules in their home. Every rule has a consequence that can be summed up in one phrase. I love the simplicity! That makes it easy for everyone to remember. Their rules are: Peace, Respect, Asking, Order, and Obedience.
• They had a lot of other ideas about teaching children responsibility and family traditions. We have a lot of "big day" traditions (like birthdays and other holidays), but we need to come up with some everyday traditions. Any ideas?

From President Ballard:

• Learn from listening (with an understanding heart and a patient mind).
• Know that we need help from our Heavenly Father. Be wise enough to listen to the spirit. Almost always a calmness will come, and in the next few days a solution will come. I couldn't do it without prayer. I figure these children are our Heavenly Father's children and He knows them best. He knows what is right for them and can help me more than anyone.
• "If you love me, keep my commandments."

I know this is very long-winded. I just needed to talk about my frustrations. I want so badly to enjoy this time of my life. And there are so many moments that I do enjoy, I just want my kids to remember a kind, happy mother - not a witch. That's another one of Linda Eyre's books, "I Didn't Plan to be a Witch." It's so true! I'm open to any suggestions.