True Heroes

I am writing this to ease my own heart and empty my own head.  I sincerely hope that I do not offend anyone, and I apologize if that happens.  

You probably all had that assignment in school - at some point - to determine what made a "real" hero.  I remember reading "The Odyssey" in 10th Grade and discussing the heroic traits of Odysseus and comparing those traits to historical figures versus "modern heroes" (i.e. Michael Jordan - it was the 90s) versus people in our own lives that we consider to be personal heroes (i.e. a WWII veteran).  I was in a meeting Friday night where we were re-introduced to this topic, so that is one reason that it has been on my mind.  I've also been "sucked into" some of the PBS documentaries that have been running the past couple of weeks on Abraham Lincoln.  One documentary specifically dealt with de-mythifying Abe Lincoln, or basically getting to the truth of this great man.  One segment showed an AP History class debating whether Lincoln truly is a "hero," even when the class had been shown his "darker side."  It was a very interesting debate, one that has deepened my appreciation for him as a human being, dealing with his own issues both political and personal. 

But tonight, as my heart breaks and I have been fighting tears for hours, I want to share my thoughts on another type of hero known as Birth Mothers.  Years ago, after extensive testing, our good friends found out that they were not able to have children.  I remember that phone call distinctly as we discussed the mourning process as their dream of having a family had essentially died.  I remember hanging up that phone and thinking to myself: There could be nothing more difficult than this trial.

A few years later, we again found ourselves on the phone night and day getting updates from this family as they fought for their darling little boy while sitting in a hotel room in a neighboring state.  As we learned more about this birth mother and her unshakable faith in the Lord's answer, I thought to myself: No, placing your child for adoption has got to be the most difficult trial.  At this point, I had the opportunity to have a baby myself.  I knew that as soon as the two little lines appear on your sacred urine stick, a mother loves that little being inside of her.  I knew that after nine months, I was merely going through a formality of giving birth to this child that I already knew.  I had a strong relationship with this baby, and it was my pleasure to meet him face-to-face even though we already had an indescribable bond.  I knew that this birth mother felt the same way about her little boy.  Yet, she also knew that she (and his birth father) could never give this baby the blessings that an intact family could give him.  She was completely unselfish.  It was painful for her to give up her son.  Of course she cried and mourned his loss.  Miraculously, she even nursed him for the first couple of days knowing that anything she could give him would strengthen his body in the future.  Completely and totally unselfish!

Since that time, my life has been touched on several different occasions by women and men that have unselfishly placed their children in two-parent homes.  We have had experiences inside our own family, with close friends, and even with complete strangers.  These women are true heroes in my eyes.  Their example makes me strive to be a better mother; a mother more dedicated to putting the needs of my child before my own.  Their example makes me strive to be a better wife; a wife that shows her children a living example of a loving marriage.  Their example makes me strive to be a better daughter of God; a Daughter who puts complete trust in the Savior and His plan and does so with faith and happiness so that my children may feel the Spirit reside in our home.  Their example makes me want to be a better American; an American who stands up for my beliefs and fights more fervently for laws and leaders that support and defend those beliefs.  Their example makes me realize that there is pain and suffering in every life - that we are definitely not immune - and it is our role to help ease the pain and suffering of others through unselfish service.  Thank you to all of you who have been touched by these great women (and men)!  Thank you for impacting my life so profoundly.

The Ensign arrived yesterday so I flipped through the pages and read the headings of the stories.  In one story, I found an example of Christ and His Disciples in John 9:2-3.  The disciples see a man who was born blind, and they ask the Savior, "Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?"  The Savior answered, "Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God shall be made manifest in him."  Sometimes it seems like bad things happen to good people or that the "bad guys" win too often.  Sometimes it seems unfair that "blessings" are given to certain people.  However, I have come to realize that my thinking was wrong all along - There is no trial that is "the most difficult."  We all have our own trials, and yet I firmly believe in this scripture: Trials are given to manifest the works of God; to help us turn our own lives over to the Savior and trust in Him to carry our burden and have faith in "His Plan."  I have had those experiences, and I know that the answer and the peace and the love of Christ does come (eventually).