Or even this:
You still may end up with this (This is pretty close to the actual amount of tests that I took):
And so now I am experiencing a lot of this:
I've taken to calling Greg "Super Sperm" (Liz said that his sperm should actually wear little Superhero capes). At any rate, we are surprised but excited. Due date: June 9th
The Rest of the Story:
I have had a really hard time the last few years trying to figure out where "the end" was. What I mean is, how would I know when I was done having children? Greg is done after every child, so he doesn't really count. As a woman, is this part of my life really over? When do I know? I guess I think that I will be 32 when this baby is born, and don't get me wrong, I am definitely NOT 24 anymore, but that seems relatively young to be "DONE." Maybe I will want another baby in a few years. How do I really know?
Well, over the past few weeks, it has become very apparent to me that I just can't do this again. My body just wasn't built for having babies, and it is worn out (hats off to you that do this six, seven, eight, nine times). The heparin is hard on my body, and this pregnancy has been tough. I just knew in my heart that it was not a matter of wanting more; My body just can't take it. Even the past few days (Thanksgiving Weekend), I knew that this was "IT," and I felt at peace with it. I was ready to enjoy this pregnancy and relish this baby as "The Last." It always feels good to find peace, gratitude, and contentment.
When I was pregnant with Macy, I had to go to a special clinic at the UofU because of the recurrent miscarriages. Since then, one of the doctors (Dr. Draper) from that clinic now works one day at my doctor's office (which is fabulous because it is just a regular co-pay and not considered "Specialist Care"). When I was pregnant with Paige, my regular doctor sent me to see Dr. Draper just to make sure we were doing everything he would recommend. It was very routine. So, with this pregnancy, my regular doctor suggested the same. My appointment with Dr. Draper was Wednesday.
I knew they would do an ultrasound because Dr. Draper's temporary office is located in the Ultrasound Suite, and I've done this enough (this is my 8th pregnancy after all) to know that they will check the placenta and blood flow and all that jazz. Greg stayed home with the kids because it is very routine. I went in and the lab technician explained that she would take a few pictures and then Dr. Draper would be in. Okay, no big deal. Routine. She put the gel and the wand on my belly, sympathized with my bruises (which is the main reason that I put that previous picture up - I'm seeking additional sympathy), and asked if I had an ultrasound before with this pregnancy. I explained that the doctor had done a few with the old machine in his office. She said, "Well, did he tell you that there are two babies in there." I said, "There are not!" Then I saw two very distinct little heads and bodies and four arms and four legs and I just started sobbing and wishing with all my heart that Greg were there with me. Routine...right!?!
With absolutely NO family history (neither of our parents could think of any sets of twins anywhere in our family lines), it appears that we are skipping four altogether and going right to five. It still feels so funny to even say it out loud. Twins! What!?! Apparently we had it wrong all those years. We tried so desperately to get one baby (ovulation tests, thermometers, etc.) and apparently when you use protection, you actually get two babies. That's right - TWO BABIES! Right now, it appears that they are identical twins, and although it is still extremely early to tell (13 weeks), it is looking like twin boys. I'm still kind of freaking out. It just seems so unbelievable. I am thrilled and terrified all at the same time.
The Spiritual Side of the Story:
It is amazing to me how Heavenly Father works. I joked with my nurse that my doctor was fired because he missed some vital information the first two times he checked me. But, what I really think was that Heavenly Father was waiting for me to work it out in my own head and heart. I struggled for a few years trying to figure out when I would feel "done." I would get so sad when I thought of having all of my kids in school with an empty house. It was almost terrifying to me not to have a little child at home with me. When I finally came to realization that this was the last baby that I could physically have (complete with nothing but gratitude and happiness - putting all that sadness aside), then...and only then...did he bless me with this information.
Before I even got pregnant, I knew I wanted to have one more. Even at that time, I realized that this would probably be my last baby. I joked with Jen, "Maybe if I pray to Heavenly Father, he'll give me twins." But I never actually said that prayer, and I never in a million years thought I had the faith required to ask for such a miracle (honestly - We have absolutely zero family history of twins). On top of that, how could I know that this would possibly be the prayer that He decided to say "yes" to. Although I am aware of how much work one baby takes (and lack of sleep), I am nothing but nervous for the amount of work that two babies are going to take. From listening to other mothers who have lived through this seemingly impossible task, everything is going to be put on hold for a few years while we just try to survive as a family (I hear it is a "blur"). And yet, amid all the anxiety (Dr. Draper spent about 20 minutes explaining all the possible risks with twins on top of heparin babies and he is proceeding very cautiously - I am officially "High Risk"), I sat in that room and cried and felt so loved, knowing with absolute surety that my Heavenly Father knows me and that He hears me even when I don't even know that I'm asking.
Greg is nervous, extremely nervous, and he will definitely be at my next appointment asking every question in the book. However, I just feel like this was the Lord's doing and He will take care of us. I'm not exactly sure what that means (and I hope and pray that it doesn't mean bed rest), but I feel at peace. Even though we will have five children in eight years (and three children ages 2 and under), I am extremely grateful for Austin and Macy because I know they will be such a big help. They were so excited! Macy said, "I knew we were going to get two more babies." I told Austin that we have a lot of training in the next few months to get him ready to be my extra big helper, and he seemed up to the task. I feel grateful that they are coming in the Spring so I will have everyone around me for the first few months. I feel grateful that Paige is going to be my two-year-old. She is so sweet and accommodating (much more than my other two at this age) and I am going to need that. I am grateful for our neighborhood and ward who I know will help me (three meals is NOT going to cut it ladies). I feel so grateful for all the friendships I have, and I honestly lose count of all the incredible women that I know I can count on at the drop of a hat. I feel grateful for my family who love me so much (despite my bi-polar Sundays), and will be there when I need them. I feel grateful for Greg's family, and especially his mother who never did twins but did this eight times (two with special needs). I know she understands the word "overwhelmed" and she is nothing but loving and caring toward me. I feel grateful for Greg. I am just so honored that he is the one going through this life with me. We are not perfect, but I think we make a pretty good team. He came home with flowers for me on Wednesday night with two cream Gerbera daisies to represent these two babies. And even more sweetly, he cleaned up the kitchen and got me some sweet potato fries from Rumbi (bring on the weight gain). He is a good man, with a good heart, and I know he adores each and every one of us. I love him.
And I am grateful for blogs. I'm sure there will be several days when I am shedding tears of frustration and exhaustion that I will need to come back to this very post and remember that I am grateful and that this really is going to be a blessing in our lives!