Thursday, December 4, 2008

Consumer Report

Even though you may use this:

Or this:

Or even this:

You still may end up with this (This is pretty close to the actual amount of tests that I took):

And so now I am experiencing a lot of this:
And this:

I've taken to calling Greg "Super Sperm" (Liz said that his sperm should actually wear little Superhero capes). At any rate, we are surprised but excited. Due date: June 9th

The Rest of the Story:
I have had a really hard time the last few years trying to figure out where "the end" was.  What I mean is, how would I know when I was done having children?  Greg is done after every child, so he doesn't really count.  As a woman, is this part of my life really over?  When do I know?  I guess I think that I will be 32 when this baby is born, and don't get me wrong, I am definitely NOT 24 anymore, but that seems relatively young to be "DONE."  Maybe I will want another baby in a few years.  How do I really know?

Well, over the past few weeks, it has become very apparent to me that I just can't do this again.  My body just wasn't built for having babies, and it is worn out (hats off to you that do this six, seven, eight, nine times).  The heparin is hard on my body, and this pregnancy has been tough.  I just knew in my heart that it was not a matter of wanting more; My body just can't take it.  Even the past few days (Thanksgiving Weekend), I knew that this was "IT," and I felt at peace with it.  I was ready to enjoy this pregnancy and relish this baby as "The Last."  It always feels good to find peace, gratitude, and contentment.

When I was pregnant with Macy, I had to go to a special clinic at the UofU because of the recurrent miscarriages.  Since then, one of the doctors (Dr. Draper) from that clinic now works one day at my doctor's office (which is fabulous because it is just a regular co-pay and not considered "Specialist Care").  When I was pregnant with Paige, my regular doctor sent me to see Dr. Draper just to make sure we were doing everything he would recommend.  It was very routine.  So, with this pregnancy, my regular doctor suggested the same.  My appointment with Dr. Draper was Wednesday.

I knew they would do an ultrasound because Dr. Draper's temporary office is located in the Ultrasound Suite, and I've done this enough (this is my 8th pregnancy after all) to know that they will check the placenta and blood flow and all that jazz.  Greg stayed home with the kids because it is very routine.  I went in and the lab technician explained that she would take a few pictures and then Dr. Draper would be in.  Okay, no big deal.  Routine.  She put the gel and the wand on my belly, sympathized with my bruises (which is the main reason that I put that previous picture up - I'm seeking additional sympathy), and asked if I had an ultrasound before with this pregnancy.  I explained that the doctor had done a few with the old machine in his office. She said, "Well, did he tell you that there are two babies in there."  I said, "There are not!"  Then I saw two very distinct little heads and bodies and four arms and four legs and I just started sobbing and wishing with all my heart that Greg were there with me.  Routine...right!?!

With absolutely NO family history (neither of our parents could think of any sets of twins anywhere in our family lines), it appears that we are skipping four altogether and going right to five.  It still feels so funny to even say it out loud.  Twins!  What!?!  Apparently we had it wrong all those years.  We tried so desperately to get one baby (ovulation tests, thermometers, etc.) and apparently when you use protection, you actually get two babies.  That's right - TWO BABIES!  Right now, it appears that they are identical twins, and although it is still extremely early to tell (13 weeks), it is looking like twin boys.  I'm still kind of freaking out.  It just seems so unbelievable.  I am thrilled and terrified all at the same time.

The Spiritual Side of the Story:
It is amazing to me how Heavenly Father works.  I joked with my nurse that my doctor was fired because he missed some vital information the first two times he checked me.  But, what I really think was that Heavenly Father was waiting for me to work it out in my own head and heart.  I struggled for a few years trying to figure out when I would feel "done."  I would get so sad when I thought of having all of my kids in school with an empty house.  It was almost terrifying to me not to have a little child at home with me.  When I finally came to realization that this was the last baby that I could physically have (complete with nothing but gratitude and happiness - putting all that sadness aside), then...and only then...did he bless me with this information.  

Before I even got pregnant, I knew I wanted to have one more.  Even at that time, I realized that this would probably be my last baby.  I joked with Jen, "Maybe if I pray to Heavenly Father, he'll give me twins."  But I never actually said that prayer, and I never in a million years thought I had the faith required to ask for such a miracle (honestly - We have absolutely zero family history of twins).  On top of that, how could I know that this would possibly be the prayer that He decided to say "yes" to.  Although I am aware of how much work one baby takes (and lack of sleep), I am nothing but nervous for the amount of work that two babies are going to take.  From listening to other mothers who have lived through this seemingly impossible task, everything is going to be put on hold for a few years while we just try to survive as a family (I hear it is a "blur").  And yet, amid all the anxiety (Dr. Draper spent about 20 minutes explaining all the possible risks with twins on top of heparin babies and he is proceeding very cautiously - I am officially "High Risk"), I sat in that room and cried and felt so loved, knowing with absolute surety that my Heavenly Father knows me and that He hears me even when I don't even know that I'm asking.  

Greg is nervous, extremely nervous, and he will definitely be at my next appointment asking every question in the book.  However, I just feel like this was the Lord's doing and He will take care of us.  I'm not exactly sure what that means (and I hope and pray that it doesn't mean bed rest), but I feel at peace.  Even though we will have five children in eight years (and three children ages 2 and under), I am extremely grateful for Austin and Macy because I know they will be such a big help.  They were so excited!  Macy said, "I knew we were going to get two more babies."  I told Austin that we have a lot of training in the next few months to get him ready to be my extra big helper, and he seemed up to the task.  I feel grateful that they are coming in the Spring so I will have everyone around me for the first few months.  I feel grateful that Paige is going to be my two-year-old.  She is so sweet and accommodating (much more than my other two at this age) and I am going to need that.  I am grateful for our neighborhood and ward who I know will help me (three meals is NOT going to cut it ladies).  I feel so grateful for all the friendships I have, and I honestly lose count of all the incredible women that I know I can count on at the drop of a hat.  I feel grateful for my family who love me so much (despite my bi-polar Sundays), and will be there when I need them.  I feel grateful for Greg's family, and especially his mother who never did twins but did this eight times (two with special needs).  I know she understands the word "overwhelmed" and she is nothing but loving and caring toward me.  I feel grateful for Greg.  I am just so honored that he is the one going through this life with me.  We are not perfect, but I think we make a pretty good team.  He came home with flowers for me on Wednesday night with two cream Gerbera daisies to represent these two babies.  And even more sweetly, he cleaned up the kitchen and got me some sweet potato fries from Rumbi (bring on the weight gain).  He is a good man, with a good heart, and I know he adores each and every one of us.  I love him.

And I am grateful for blogs.  I'm sure there will be several days when I am shedding tears of frustration and exhaustion that I will need to come back to this very post and remember that I am grateful and that this really is going to be a blessing in our lives!      


Kimberly Porter said...

Congratulations, Emily! I am really so happy for you. You are a terrific mother and twins just top off that wonderful family of yours. :) I can't wait to hear more about your pregnancy and to see those twins in June!

I feel for you with those shots...they're the worst, but so dang worth it!

You and your darling twins will be in our prayers from now until the delivery.

Lots of love to you!!!

Roccy said...

What an awesome, and I mean AWESOME post. Congrats sweet girl.

I wish we lived closer so I could help you and give you all you need. But I hope it's some consolation that you're getting lots of prayers and warm excited thoughts all the way from Arizona!

Marianne said...

Oh my gosh! That is crazy. Congratulations! Now I understand why you've had a crazy couple of weeks.

Jana said...

Thanks for a good cry this morning! Thanks for sharing the spiritual side of're awesome!

Tera said...

How Exciting Emily! That is always a dangerous question, the "am I done" one. I think it usually means you are not! What a great way to top off your darling family. You will be in our prayers. Thanks for sharing.

Sarah said...

Heidi told me to check your blog but wouldn't say why, just that it was 'crazy' and I guessed that you were pregnant, then before I turned on the computer I honestly had the thought 'maybe she's having twins!' maybe it is my Mother's Intuition...I still cried when I read it! How amazing! Congratulations!

Jenni foo foo said...

You "gave in" to telling mighty quickly!! :) Yay, I'm so happy for you, it will be so fun!

Kim and Brian said...

Congratulations!!! I am so excited for you. What a huge blessing for your family.

Seriously, let me know if you need anything. I'm happy to help in any way.

By the way, I'm great at shopping for boy clothes ;) We need to have a day of shopping with all of us.

Jackie said...

Oh my goodness! I about died when Jen told me the news. (I hadn't read your blog yet.) Ugh- I wish I could've watched the girls for you on Wednesday so Greg could've been there with you! I couldn't imagine finding out something like that without my husband there! You and Greg are great parents and you will survive! Please please let me help by babysitting or whatever you may need. I will be offended if you don't ask! Love you!

Lindsay said...

WOWZA!!! Tera called me and told me to check out your blog and boy oh boy, what a surprise! You know what the first thing that came to my mind was? Heavenly Father trusts her and knows she's a great mama and can handle two. I've just read so many of your honest posts in the past (which I love by the way) and hear your frustration and all the things you often feel incapable of - but isn't this a testimony to you that you are doing great? I always knew you were. Congrats!

And by the way I'm sure the "people with twins blogs" will be coming out of the wood work, but I have a dear friend with twins, if you want to know. AND my cousin just gave birth to twins on Tuesday! Oh, and those twins were born after her 6 yr old, 5yr old, and 3yr old TRIPLETS!!! 7 under 6!!! You are awesome...

Laura said...

Holy Moly, Emily! Congratulations!!! You are an amazing woman and an amazing mom. I can only imagine the joy and the wonder coming your way...but remember we're all here to help...and I only live a couple of house down the street. I would be soooooo happy to do what ever I can to help you out.

JK said...

Lisa called last night and let me know the wonderful news! How exciting for all of you! Congratulations!

Mary said...

I am actually speechless! That doesn't happen very often - twins or me being speechless :) I am so happy for you and your family. I hope that this pregnancy isn't too bad for you. Maybe with 2 they will be a little nicer to you and beat up on each other instead! Please keep us posted. Congrats again!

Alexie said...

curtis and i are already wondering if you will be doing "twin" names. if nit, feel free to consider curtis and matt. :o)

Valerie said...

Oh, Em. Whoa. As for being pregnant with twins - especially with the way YOU do pregnant - I'll pray for you. Oh, the agony! I figure the pregnancy makes actually having two newborns a little easier, b/c at least you're not PREGNANT anymore!

But as for having twins. Identical. Boys. It ROCKS! What a blessing for your family, and what a blessing for those twins to come to such an incredible family! I KNOW Heavenly Father sends extra blessings along with extra babies! How else could we survive it??

The wife of a GA that I spoke with once was a twin. She told me (so it must be true!) that mothers of twins get a direct ticket to the celetial kingdom! She also told me something that I absolutely believe. She said that she thinks she and her twin made some agreements with each other before they came here. They agreed to help each other and be there for each other. I think my twins did that too. They are there for each other and HELP each other in amazing ways. It's not just that they are always together. They have complimentary strengths, and I know they would be totally different people if they hadn't had each other to help them through difficulties.

I could talk about twins forever, so I had better stop myself! Congratulations!!!!!! I know I'm far away from you guys, but if there is ANYTHING I can do to help, I hope you will let me know! Yay! Emily - let this be a testament to you that Heavenly Father trusts you as a mom and you're doing it right! =)

Amber said...

NO WAY!!! I haven't even finished the rest of the post yet, but I have to say how amazing that is for you guys! Oh, the irony- trying so hard to get one at a time, then not trying and getting TWO at once! I really hope the pregnancy goes well for you! :)

Colette said...

Oh wow!!! Congrats Emily!! I'm so excited for you this made me cry. Twins :)