An Ode To My Mothers

Since I have very little recollection of Mother's Day (thanks to Demerol given after my C-Section), I wanted to make sure that I got in a proper tribute to our mothers before May was officially over.

My Amazing Mother-in-Law:
Greg's mom dropped everything (with just a few hours notice) to come and stay with my kids when the twins were born. She ended up staying 13 days!!! She took care of everything while I was in the hospital, and I appreciate it so much. She cooked, cleaned, washed the laundry, shopped for groceries, and loved/spoiled my kids to pieces. Although Greg and I tried to insist that she sleep in our bed, she spent half the time on the blow-up mattress in the basement, and the other half sleeping on the bottom bunk in Austin's room. She also managed to juggle taking care of my kids with taking care of her 93-year-old mother. She is amazing!

My mother-in-law never travels alone. She always has my two sister-in-laws with her. Due to a couple of recessive genes, both Suzi and Sharon were born with physical and mental disabilities. My mother-in-law has selflessly devoted that last 45 years of her life to being a mother. Although Suzi is in her mid-thirties and Sharon in her late-twenties, they still require my mother-in-law's constant attention and care. She selflessly takes care of them (and her other six children and 27 grandchildren) with a smile on her face and never a complaint (I'm not exaggerating - I have never, ever heard her gripe, whine, or complain about being a mother or ever expressing a desire for a little "Me Time").

She absolutely LOVES babies, and luckily...blessedly...she was able to spend nearly three days of her time with the twins. She held them constantly and helped out with the feedings - even in the middle of the night. The last night she was here, she slept on the couch so she could help out. She and Greg took the first feeding while I slept, and then she and I took the second feeding so Greg could sleep. So selfless and so helpful. What a blessing she has been. I don't know what we would have done without her!

On one of our first dates, I asked Greg to tell me about his parents. When he mentioned his mom, he said, "My mom...she's an angel." All of her children absolutely adore her! Even though she is practically the perfect mother, and I tend to fall very, very short in the "Perfect Mother" Category, she doesn't judge me for my imperfections. She is nothing but complimentary and supportive. I greatly appreciate a mother-in-law that is not critical. I learn so much from her loving and patient example, and I can feel of her love and prayers for us.

My Equally Amazing Mother:
I love having my mother close by. When Austin was born, my mom really wanted to be there. I am so thrilled that she asked and that Greg and I insisted that she attend his birth (and the birth of my other children - although she was about 10 minutes late for Macy). It is part of our family folklore that she nearly fainted at Austin's birth (she was actually on the floor of the hospital room for a few minutes), but she said that it was just so difficult for her to see one of her children in pain and on oxygen. I often joke with Greg that the second Austin was born he dropped my leg so fast that it plopped on the bed so that he could be with his new son - He was so excited! I was so grateful to have my mom who stayed by my side, holding my hand, and narrating everything that was going on because even though the baby was born, I was not finished. I had to stay on the bed while they stitched me up and finished with all the gorey details of birth. My mom never left my side! Since then, I have watched her empathize and cry and support both of my sisters through their own pain and the birth of their children as well. Having my mom with me during the most difficult and monumental moments of my life is like being wrapped in my very own security blanket. Even as a grown woman, I feel so safe and protected with her by my side. No matter what happens, I know...with absolutely surety...without a doubt...that there are two people who will always love me and always be there for me. It is an overwhelming feeling and there are no words to describe the gratitude I feel for my parents.

My mom came down with the flu a couple of days after the twins were born. She was down and out for well over a week. I think it nearly killed her to be bedridden and not help out more. She tried so very hard to will herself healthy, but her body took its own, sweet time. Once she was feeling better, she was on fire. She so lovingly planted my flower beds and flower pots. She knows how much I love, love, love my flower beds, and she also knew that there was just no way that I could physically get down on my hands and knees and do the planting myself. She spent one Thursday evening planting while my dad washed our cars. Just another act of selfless, loving service because she knew how much happiness it would bring to me.

My mom has also taken the older kids overnight several times so that Greg and I could sleep in. Yesterday, she took all three kids to Austin's baseball game because Greg had some church obligations and there was just no way I could get all five kids (including two three-week-olds) to the field by 9 a.m. Impossible! My kids absolutely adore their Nana. They love being with her, and she teaches them and loves them and sees the best in each one of them. She lets them know that they are special and loved. She is a constant example to me of the ideal mother. Every single time I am with her, I learn more about love, compassion, understanding, happiness, and the joy of motherhood through her outstanding example.

I have been up since 4:30 this morning. My sweet little Spence was having kind of rough time. He wasn't screaming, but he just couldn't quite settle down. He insisted on being held and just seemed really uncomfortable. After a couple of hours, he finally fell asleep. At that point, I decided just to stay up so I could get the kids ready for church. As I sat there, trying to comfort my new little boy, I peacefully watched the sun come up and had the following thought: At some point in my life, a time that I don't remember, my mom was up at 4:30 in the morning taking care of me. I was completely helpless, and she was the one providing me with all my needs, wants, and plenty of love and tenderness.

I owe everything to my mother.

It is my prayer that I will be able to evolve into the same type of woman as these two selfless examples. I fall so short so much of the time, but I have two perfect examples, and I am grateful.

What a Difference a Few Weeks Makes

I wanted to document how far the twins have come since they were born.  We really have been so blessed, and I know that the situation could have been much, much more serious.  We were in the hospital a total of 11 days, and I am eternally grateful for all of your prayers and faith on their behalf.  Spencer and Kade were in great health, and they were strong little fighters from the beginning.  In the Level 2 Nursery, they only had to be on oxygen for a couple of days, and the IVs lasted about a week.  They were under the heat lamps for several days until they were able to better maintain their own heat.  They both had the feeding tube to help bulk up the weight gain in the beginning.  There were some days when every other feeding was given through the feeding tube.  The idea was that they could feed them while they slept soundly under the heat.  That way, they didn't have to expend any calories and could just get nice and fat.  Those were hard days though because it meant that we could only hold them every six hours (every other feeding).  I was grateful that I was rooming in at the hospital so I could get up in the middle of the night for those feedings.  I couldn't stand going an entire 12 hours without cuddling them.  

From about Day 3, when my milk finally started coming in, they have been drinking breast milk which has been fortified with 24 calorie formula.  So, they are getting about 20% more calories than the breast milk alone.  We are still doing that at home.  We mix up a huge bottle of breast milk and add in the extra calories and we are set for the day.  In the beginning, the doctor required that they drink a minimum of 18 mL per feeding (they were on an extremely strict 3-hour eating cycle).  They only had a half an hour to eat that amount otherwise they were exerting more calories than they were taking in.  Those first few days, we did everything we could to get that extremely small amount of food into their little bellies, and it usually took every second of the 30 minutes.  We had to stop and burp every 5 mL until their bodies got used to it.  We would tap on the end of the bottle, squeeze their cheeks around the nipple, tap their cheeks and neck, push the tip of the nipple on top of their mouths, etc.  

After only a week, they had improved so greatly that their minimum requirement was 35 mL and they were coming in short of the half hour time period pretty consistently.  Today, just two and half weeks later, they can down 55 mL in about 10 minutes.  They have done so well on their eating and weight gain that I can now nurse them twice a day.  Today, both babies were hungry at the same time, so I attempted to nurse them at the same time.  We made a colossal mess as I tried to manipulate their little heads one-handed while getting them comfortable with the football hold.  The entire time, Paige kept asking me, "The babies are biting you Mama?"  But, we eventually succeeded and it went quite well.  

We took them in for a weight check last Friday, and both babies were 4 pounds 4 ounces.  They were doing so well that I relaxed a bit on the three-hour feeding schedule.  If they are still sound asleep in the middle of the night, I let them sleep a little longer instead of waking them.  They rarely go over four hours, and generally stick to about three to three and a half hours. 

It is a little tedious pumping before or after every feeding.  The other day, I had Macy cover me up with a blanket after I got the pumps in place so I could still be modest.  Her friend, Claire, came over and I was sitting there with a blanket over me.  Macy said, "My mom's just getting milk out of her...um...body."  Then, she walked over to my ear and said, "Mom, I didn't say (whispering now) your boobs."  She's very fascinated with the entire process.  But, I have to admit, I miss the days when my innocent little girl had a much cuter name for "boobs."  She used to call them "knuckles."  It cracked me up - still does.   

A few more pictures of our little guys (who looked so big to me this morning - my babies looked big, not my husband):

One of My Favorite Things...

...is watching a big, strong Daddy carrying his sleeping children in from the car. Completely zonked out, Paige snuggled her face into her Dad's neck to protect her eyes from any light while Greg sweetly rubbed her back to keep her asleep. Melts my heart.

Let the Adjustment Period Begin

Let's begin with the Good News: Austin, Macy, and Paige absolutely adore their new brothers!!!

They love to hold them, and they are constantly stroking their little heads and cheeks. They even helped feed them their bottles a few times. Paige's favorite thing is to "help" with the burping. At times, she gets a little too energetic in her affection (an aggressive rub on their heads or a way-too-tight hug), but overall they have loved having them home. Just last night, Macy had to kiss Kade about seven times before bed (he was awake so I was carrying him around with me during the bedtime routine). Before bed every night, without being asked, Austin seeks out both of the boys and lovingly pats them and gives them sweet little kisses on the tops of their heads. It really is so touching and tender to watch. It makes my heart feel so good to see my children expressing love toward each other instead of the usual arguing and screaming.

Now for the Not-So-Good News: Austin, Macy, and Paige are taking out their adjustment issues on me, and it is making me crazy!!!

I have endless patience for these two little babes. The initial getting out of bed in the middle of the night is hard for me, but once I'm up, it really doesn't bother me to feed them and take care of them in the peace and quiet of the dark of the night. However, I think my tiredness is definitely taking a toll on my patience reserve because I seem to have very little left over for the three older children.

Austin has reverted back into that annoying thing he does where he simply disregards anything that we (or any other authority figure) asks of him. He doesn't put up an argument, he just acts as if he hasn't heard you. He is constantly at odds with Macy. He deliberately finds ways to torture her. It's as if he wakes up every morning and tries to out-do himself. ("Let's see," he says while climbing out of bed, "I made Macy scream at the top of her lungs 20 times yesterday. Today, I think I'll try to make it 25.") He is also being more aggressive at school. He got in a food fight with Seth earlier this week (he told me that Seth threw a banana at him - and showed me the marks on his shirt to prove it - so he threw his broccoli at Seth), and kicked Ethan while standing in line that exact same day.

Macy seems to have completely forgotten that she has been taught manners and overall general kindness. She demands everyone around as if she is the Queen of Sheba (I don't know who that is, but it was very big with my parents when I was young), and has completely eliminated the following phrases from her vocabulary: please, thank you, excuse me, may I, I'm sorry, etc. She has also acted very much like a two-year-old instead of a five-year-old. The other day she dumped out an entire box of cereal and another box of animal crackers on Jen's trampoline. I was completely shocked to find out that it was Macy and not Paige. She deliberately says mean things to me and then gets in the most sour mood imaginable when she is disciplined.

Paige has become even more fiercely independent (I know, I didn't think it was possible either). This is not necessarily a bad thing, except that it takes her a good 20 minutes to get dressed because she insists on doing it herself or the fact that she insists on emptying her porta-potty all by herself which means that there is urine on our bathroom floor several times a day. In addition to this, apparently whenever I am around (other people inform me that she saves the following behavior just for me), she reaches her arms up to me, whines, and when I can't pick her up (I just had surgery), she throws herself to the floor and proceeds with a very impressive tantrum. She will destroy anything in her path during these tantrums, and so thoughtfully picks herself up and follows me if I walk away and then proceeds with the tantrum when she catches up to me. I try to explain that I can sit on a chair and hold her, but that is not good enough.

I know this is a huge adjustment for these three, and I guess I just need to keep praying for enough patience to spread evenly among five children. My mom told me once that it took her seven years. She prayed every single day that she would not yell once throughout the day, and after seven years, she did it. (Funny...I don't remember her yelling all that much.) Let's see, Austin will be nearly 15 at that time, and Macy will be 12. That sounds like a pretty good time for patience to kick in.

Guess Who's Coming Home Today!?!

One Week

Well, it's been one week with our new babies, and Greg and I are sort of the Welcoming Committee in the Level 2 Nursery.  Nobody checks our bands anymore, and they let us do almost everything with the babies.  We know all of the nurses, and they take pictures for us and decorate their cribs with handmade blankets and cute little signs.  We have seen almost everyone come and go (Little Gabe is still with us, but they are crossing their fingers for Monday).  As I sat rocking my babies the other night, I watched Cohen go home and then Baby Wyatt finally got off the oxygen long enough to go home as well.  I watched these parents lovingly and excitedly care for their babes (both were first children).  They were so attentive and just absolutely adorable first-time parents.  My heart felt so full of happiness for their new little families.  As I watched Dad stroke Cohen's head while Mom bounced him in her arms, I had this thought:

How strange that they only have one baby, and they have to take turns holding him.  Greg and I always have our own.  We are so lucky because we never have to take turns.  

Isn't it amazing how quickly we redefine "normal."

I love you my sweet boys.  Think fat thoughts so we can bring you home too!

Adjusting Our Sails

I watched an interview with Elizabeth Edwards the other day, and I really liked an analogy that she made from her new book.  She said:

“I have said before that I do not know what the most important lesson is that I will ever teach my children…I do know that when they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not go her way…she adjusted her sails.”

I have been so anxious the past several months about the arrival of these twin babies.  As I’ve said before, Greg and I were actually using protection at the time they were conceived, and since twins don’t really run in our family, it never even occurred to me that we would ever have twins.  So, the anticipation of this adjustment has been overwhelming at times – as if I have been in the midst of a storm.  I have doubted my ability, and I have doubted my Heavenly Father’s judgment in my ability.  I have been so concerned as to how adding two children would affect my life, our family life, the lives of the children we already had, etc.  I was trying to see these babies as a blessing, but also acknowledging it as a trial, and I was reluctantly and nervously adjusting our sails.

I forgot about one thing though: How much these two sweet spirits would bless our lives and change them for the better.  Yes, we are adjusting our sails, and traveling a new, unexpected course, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  With the birth of all of my children, I am amazed that heart could contain so much love.  And I see, with new eyes, all of the love around me.

Their birth was difficult for me.  It was a different kind of difficult than with my other children.  I walked into that Operation Room and it was daunting, to say the least.  I had to take a couple of deep breaths to calm my nerves and accept the fact that there really wasn’t another option so I needed to suck it up and be brave.  I felt much better when Greg and my mom walked in.  I spent their entire birth concentrating on my pain and working with the anesthesiologist (who was wonderful) to manage everything on my end.  It was long and difficult.  I was physically and emotionally drained.  I said a lot of prayers to help me keep holding on and staying strong.  My sweet husband rubbed my face and my mom kissed my forehead in reassurance.  I saw each baby briefly before they were taken to the nursery.  As soon as I saw them, I felt immediate peace and love and trust from my Heavenly Father.  Our family is definitely on a different route, but what a privilege it is for us to be able to adjust our sails to accommodate these new spirits!

As I held my sweet boys tonight, I looked at Greg and said, “Can you even imagine our lives without one of them?”  There is nothing quite like having four, inquisitive, bright, beautiful eyes attached to two 3 pound, 13 ounce little bodies (yes, they still weigh exactly the same) staring up at you in awe.  Such strong, fighting spirits in such small bodies!  Everyone that meets them automatically loves them and can feel of their sweetness and strength.  The nurses fight over who gets to take care of them (I witnessed that today as I was in the nursery during a shift change).  Today, as I was feeding Kade, our nurse held Spencer up to her, eye-to-eye and said, “I really like you.  You know that?  I really do!”

They are a lot of work (I’ll post the laborious schedule later), and yet people seem to gravitate toward them.  Last night, Greg was at Austin’s baseball game when the night nurse came on her shift.  When he called, I went on and on about her and how he was really going to like her.  When we walked out of the nursery last night, he said, “You’re right.  I do really like her.  But I love Kelly too.”  He paused, thinking about all of nurses that have cared for our boys.  With a deep breath, he said, “There are so many women that I love now!”

He’s right.  I love these women so deeply for loving my sweet babes and taking care of them with so much love, patience, and tender attention.  They have all been wonderful, and I will be forever grateful for all of these surrogate mothers.  (Spencer & Kade)

For Mother’s Day, I held my boys for the first time.  Later on in the day, I got to hug and kiss my other children as well.  The last thing I did that day was receive a tender kiss from the man who made it all possible.  I have adjusted my sails, yet again, on behalf of my children.  I will never be the same.  I feel glorious.  

Oh, it's gonna happen babe... and it did

Fellow Emily bloggers,

This post is created by father Greg of the Burr 7 clan! What an amazing day. We drove to Jordan Valley Hospital at 8am for the scheduled birth (yesterday late afternoon's request by Emily's doctor). By 10:05am Emily's C-section was started. Child birth is an amazing thing... A miracle of miracles! Either way babies come into this world... it is simply amazing!

Spencer Wayne (4 lbs. and 16.5 inches) was pulled out at 10:32am.

Followed by Kade Bryan (4 lbs. and 18 inches) was pulled out at 10:34am.

Through the blood, tears, stitches, and babies cries we made it through the morning. Emily is recouperating well and wanted so bad to post this post. But the hospital internet was quirky and made it impossible for a post. I decided to try it out. I hope it all works out!

The twins are basking in the warmth of their heat nursery stations. Both little fighters have latched on well to the bottle (Kade had a bit of trouble at first - hence the tube through the nose). I figured the tube was just a way to help us decipher which baby was which (jk). "I may be tiny but I'm strong." Any guesses on band and song quote? No it is not Duran Duran Honey!

Emily has been high on pain killers and anti-nausea medication. She was a bit queezy throughout the day so she was unable to visit the twins until 7:45pm. She saw them both on their way out of the operating room (to the nursery). She was able to kiss Spencer quickly before being wisked away. That was brutal! Finally, she was able to get into a wheelchair and visit the two new additions to our family. It was precious to see her instantly bond with both! She wanted so bad to hold them. I felt guilty (briefly) at the time I was able to spend with them throughout the day. I held them during their baths, fed Kade, and entered freely into the nursery as I pleased to squeeze toes, rub peach-fuzz heads, and hold hands with the babies!

A father's role is all perks (can we blame Eve? jk)! We contribute our DNA for a split second and then watch the following 9-months of morning sickness, swollen feet, sore back, etc. It is not fair that mothers go through pregnancy and birth only to be stranded in a recovery room in immense pain while the father trapses around the hospital freely.

I know those of you who know Emily agree whole-heartedly when I say... "Emily is an incredible, wonderful, and amazing woman!" I could add soooo much more to that list but I would fill her blog to the maximum capacity. She did a wonderful job and I am so proud of her. She is the light of my life. I love her so much and appreciate the mother, wife, and woman that she is. I am a lucky man and I know it! Happy Mother's Day Em... I love you,

-GREG-

ps: a few more pix

I Think This is Really Going to Happen

Can you make out this picture?  Those are two little baby heads right smack together.  Guess where those heads are located?  Right under my ribs.  Yes, we have two breech babies which means C-Section - end of discussion.  I went in to the doctor this morning for a routine ultrasound, and after an hour, I was suspicious.  The measurements are low - typical for my children.  They are measuring three weeks behind, and there hasn't been any significant or measurable growth in the past two weeks.  The doctor walked in and said, "I think you should have some babies right now."  When I asked him to define "right now," I think he could either sense my nervousness or witness my lip quivering (I was trying very hard not to start sobbing out of panic).  He explained his reasons and then very cautiously monitored the blood flow through each umbilical cord.  He finally decided that we could wait a few days.  I have another appointment on Friday, and as long as the babies keep very active, I may even have another week.

When I called Greg, I think that he too could sense my nervousness.  He was very good and supportive and excited (which helped immensely), and I think it would actually calm his nerves to get these babies out.  It is just so real right now.  With two babies inside of me, I still have two free hands to take care of everything else.  My mother-in-law is really the only person in our family that has had a C-Section.  She assured Greg that even if he is home to help me, I am going to need a lot more help.  We are in the process of writing our "Needs List" and trying to make arrangements for next week.   I am much better at being on the "giving" side of service (just like most of you), but I guess it is my turn to be on the "receiving" end for a little while.  Everyone has been so wonderful, and I seriously have a list of a dozen people who I know I can count on at any moment.  Thank you (ahead of time) for your care for me and our family.  I feel incredibly blessed through all the anxiety.  

Greg took these pictures on Sunday (34 weeks).   He loves these pictures, and I really appreciate them after about six months.  So, it is good that he pushes, I mean "encourages" me.  

A Moment to Gripe, If I May

For me, nothing makes the Sacrament Meeting Spirit disappear faster than when some grumpy old lady reaches back, squeezes my son's leg, and tells him to be quiet, especially when I am sitting right next to him.  I didn't even think he was being that rowdy.  Both he and Macy were sitting with workbooks on their laps, even though I admit that they have a hard time remembering to whisper and Austin occasionally made sound effects with his mouth while drawing his picture.  But, it wasn't like they were climbing all over the place or fighting.  They sat in one place the entire meeting.  Later on, I asked Austin to get me a tissue out of the bag.  This required him to stand up and bend over, which caused him to bump into her arm that was across the back of the bench.  She glared at him, sighed, and shifted her position.  

I'm just so annoyed!  

I really wish people would say things to me if they think my children are being unruly instead of disciplining them right in front of me.  I just don't think it's their place.

Okay...With that off my chest, I will try to enjoy the rest of my Sunday.