Emily and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I woke up three times in the night to Macy complaining that she was scared.  I got out of bed late and rushed Austin through homework and we scrambled through the sock basket because none of the socks in our house are matched and we went on a mad shoe-hunt and glove hunt right when it was time to leave.  I didn't fit in a shower and I mistakenly skipped breakfast while I in my mad rush to get all kids to school.  When I finally reached the parking lot, I backed into another car as I was trying to park.  I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

After filling out accident reports in 19 degree weather, all the time realizing that I left my gloves at home, I finally made it into the store to exchange (not return - exchange) the curtain rods and curtains that are the wrong size only to find that if you can't find your receipt (even though the new curtains are actually a higher price and you therefore want to spend more money in their store) and you tried to be fiscally responsible by paying cash (I got some cash for Christmas and I figured when it's gone, it's gone - I'll decorate my room until the money runs out) you can't actually exchange anything.  While expressing my disbelief for such a ridiculous exchange policy, a manager finally told me that he would allow me to return three items.  Great!  What good does it do to return one curtain rod and two curtain panels only to have the other curtain rod mismatched!  

I think I'll move to Australia.    

I ran home, ransacked the house for the receipt, and finally found it tucked away in a pocket of my old purse.  Two and half hours later, I walked out of the store with a hungry baby, a $500 fender bender, a starving pregnant lady, and curtain rods that will actually fit my stupid bedroom windows.  I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I nearly fell asleep during Nathan's piano lesson, Paige decided to "empty" her own training potty during Josh's piano lesson (some of it actually made it on the inside of the toilet bowl), and Paige cried through most of Maddie's piano lesson because the three-hour trip to Target took much longer than the anticipated 10-minute trip so she missed her nap, of course.   

Maybe I should ship my children to Australia.  

Austin came how with a "Report Card" today full of an entire page of comments/parenting suggestions from his teacher.  As usual, he isn't living up to his potential.  This time, it was suggested that "we" set a goal of "following directions the first time."  Brilliant!  I wonder why Greg and I haven't thought of that one before!  I look forward to Parent/Teacher Conferences and Progress Reports like I look forward to pap smears.  

Maybe I should find a gynecologist in Australia.          

As a result of the "glowing" Progress Report," I harped on Austin for an hour and a half while he was working on what was supposed to be a "fun" research project for school.  I was critical, demeaning, impatient, embarrassed, frustrated, and it ended in tears - for both of us.  It was definitely a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  

For bedtime, I pulled my act together but insisted that I choose the bedtime story.  We read "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" by Judith Viorst.  I looked at my children and said: "I have had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day today."  Macy's eyes got enormous and she said, "For reals?"  I explained that I had been in my very first car accident and it was completely my fault and it was going to cost me a lot of money.  Austin said, "How much?"  I said, "Probably $500."  His eyes got as big as Macy's at this point because he understands money now.  I apologized for my behavior and expressed my frustration but that it was no excuse for my impatience and anger.  They both forgave me...for the five-billionth time.  

I know that it really wasn't that horrible of a day.  I know that truly horrible days include words like "brain tumor" and "layoffs" and phone calls at 2 a.m. followed by "There has been an accident."  I know that my day wasn't horrible at all - It was a stupid day.  I made a lot of rookie mistakes, and I got more and more frustrated/angry/disappointed with myself as the day went on.  A lot of great things happened today as well: no one got hurt in the accident, I finally did get my stupid curtain situation resolved, I spent some one-on-one time with Macy giving her a "reading lesson" and she did pretty well, I have great friends who listened to me vent, my husband wasn't upset at all when I told him about the accident that was ALL my fault (have I mentioned that part yet), we do have car insurance, my Honda Odyssey definitely won "The Battle of the Mini-vans" over the Dodge Caravan (a few scratches on my car - not even a dent, and a completely destroyed bumper on her car), even though we were gone WAY longer than expected, Paige didn't have an accident in her "Beauty" panties while we were out running errands, and my mom happened to be home for a late lunch when I stopped by to pick up some costumes for Young Women.  Not to mention the fact that Jackie just dropped off eclairs from Schmidt's Bakery which will make a completely delectable dinner.  My biggest regret at the end of the day is losing my temper with my kids.  I'd give almost anything - I'd pay a thousand insurance deductibles - if I could just stop yelling at my kids.  I hate seeing that pathetic, deflated look on their face, and I hate the fact that I put it there.  I hate it more than anything in the whole wide world.  

It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

My mom says some days are like that.

Even in Australia.  

A Child's Prayer

Last night for FHE, Greg asked Paige if she wanted to pray.  Sitting on his lap, with her arms folded obediently, this is how it went:

Greg: "Dear Heavenly Father,"

Paige: "(mumble, mumble) Fader,"

Greg: "Thank you for this beautiful day."

Paige: "Dank do bor chocut."

(At this point, I made the mistake of laughing, which sent Austin and Macy into fits of laughter, which fueled the fire even more for their little sister.  I couldn't help it; I found it hilarious that she came up with that on her own!)

Greg: "Thank you for Austin."

Paige: "Dank do bor chocut."

(Sensing Greg's frustration, I calmed myself, and asked Paige to repeat Daddy, which she finally did and finished a very nice prayer.  Honestly, what was he thinking - not thanking Heavenly Father for the glorious blessing of chocolate right off the bat?!?  Hopefully, he learned his lesson.)

Separated at Birth

This is what Paige's hair looks like when she wakes up in the morning or from a nap:

 

She must rub her head back and forth from side to side until her little curls turn into nappy frizz.  I can't help it; she reminds me of Charlie Bucket.  However, I just can't bring myself to cut off her curls because I know they will be gone forever, and I LOVE them (almost as much as I love her)!  

Paige's Latest Obsessions:

• Trying to talk in complete sentences
• Showering (with bathing a close 2nd) - She'll take three a day sometimes
• Saying "Oh sorry" when she hurts someone
• The word "no" (she is almost two)
• All animals
• Singing
• "Cookies" (any sort of cracker) in a cup
• Taunting Macy
• "Reading" on her own
• Elmo & "Beauty" (any of the Disney Princesses)
• Taelyn
• Puzzles!!!

Tuesday, January 20th: A Monumental Day

Due to the emotional instability of our darling four-year-old (rough day for our Little Princess), we decided it would be best to put certain individuals to bed early on Monday night and postpone Family Home Evening until Tuesday.  It worked out beautifully.  We started out by talking about Martin Luther King Jr. and the reasons why we celebrate his birthday.  We watched part of the "I Have a Dream" speech, and talked about his nonviolent approach to the Civil Rights Movement.  Then, we watched Joe Biden and Barack Obama take the oath for Vice President and President of the United States and attempted to listen to his speech (Austin said that they watched it in school, and "it was really long").  

Although it was over their heads, I tried to explain the injustice that black people have suffered in America throughout our history and express my awe and gratitude that the American people elected a President regardless of the color of his/her skin.  I tried to explain that Martin Luther King Jr.'s "dream" was realized on this historic day.  In truth, I honestly can't fully understand it.  I have never lived in an era where people were not allowed to vote because of skin color, gender, or religious affiliation.  I have never lived in a place were people regardless of background could not use the same public restroom.  I have never personally witnessed a violent act due to any sort of prejudice.  I am sheltered.  I do, however, stand in awe of people throughout history that have sacrificed everything to fight for that justice, and I was grateful to witness this historic event.

 
For the Activity Portion of FHE, Austin decided he was ready for Dad to pull his tooth.  He was very brave!  Greg used string at first, but ended up tying floss around the tooth and yanking.  Without a whine or a tear or a hesitation, Austin bravely withstood the torture.  When they were done, Macy was fascinated with the hole in Austin's mouth (mostly because it involved some blood).  She asked, "Is a gold one going to grow in its place?"  I do consider Austin to be a very unique, talented kid, and it would be magical to have a child that grows golden teeth, not to mention probably finance our children's college education, we explained that it is more likely that a huge, awkward, white permanent tooth will grow.  Without further ado, after seven and a half years, I give you the 1st Official Lost Tooth:

Austin put his tooth in a plastic bag with this note:  (Greg had a bit of a brain cramp when it came to spelling "fairy".  Austin kept saying that "f-a-i-r-e" just doesn't look right, but he trusted his good old dad.)

Dear tooth faire: Can I pleas keep my tooth.  This is my first tooth.  I want to show my friends.  I will give it to you tomorrow. From: Austin

He went to school the next day with his tooth in his pocket, on Cloud Nine because the Tooth Fairy took his note and left him a note, and two dollars richer.  Happy Kid!

An After-School Conversation

Me: So, Austin, how was your first ever Spelling Bee?

Austin: We didn't have it?

Me: Why not?  (Honestly, we have be practicing for two weeks!)

Austin: Cocoa died, and all the girls were crying so we couldn't have the Spelling Bee.  Why do girls cry so much?  (Cocoa was their class pet - a guinea pig.)

Me:  That's just what girls do, especially when something dies.  Were you sad?  

Austin: A little, but we wrote letters to Cocoa.

Macy:  It's okay, Austin, don't be sad.  Jesus just has to recognize him and then he'll come back alive.

Austin:  (Always quick to correct his sister)  Mace, I think you mean "resurrect."  Yeah.  Maybe in three days.

Me:  (Laughing) Well, Christ was resurrected after three days, but I think it will take a little longer for Cocoa.  (They are sort of getting it, right?!?)

32

I had a very relaxing, easy-going birthday full of visitors, phone calls, chocolate (lots of it), presents, and dinosaurs.  Austin woke me up with a singing card that he found hilarious (it was pretty funny) that he and Macy both signed.  Greg let me sleep in while he got the kids off to school, and then Jen showed up with my new apron (pay not attention to the drunkard behind the apron - honestly, Emily, open your eyes):

 

Isn't it adorable!?!  I've been wanting a full-length apron for a few years now, and she loves me so much that she made one for me (along with a card that was so sweet that I'm planning on having it read at my funeral).  My mom brought me lunch, and I think that if she were being really, really honest, she would have to admit that when she saw the apron she secretly wished that she had given birth to Jen all those years ago since her own flesh and blood didn't inherit her creative homemaking abilities.  :)

After that, Cami showed up with two mini bundt cakes from "Nothing Bundt Cakes."  The chocolate one was delicious, but the white chocolate raspberry was to die for!  Laura sent over yummy, gourmet chocolates, and Meagan sent an entire, homemade chocolate cake with homemade frosting covered with an abundance of chocolate shavings (in the previous picture, it looks like I made the cake, but it was all Meagan and it was heavenly)!  Kim lovingly brought over two sets of adorable green and yellow preemie onesies, hats, and booties.  Alexie topped off the evening by bringing over cupcakes with sprinkles.  Not to mention all the phone calls, email cards, and birthday wishes.  Thank you to all my wonderful friends and family.  I felt so loved all day long! 

I saw this in a Parenting Magazine and thought about asking for one for my birthday:

In case you can't tell, it is a bronze sculpture of a pregnant belly.  But, I wondered if a few people would find it uncomfortable if I showed up at the Relief Society Christmas Party with my bronze belly bowl full of Strawberry Spinach Salad.  So, I decided to ask for one of these:

Now I can grow my own herbs at home all year round!  Greg lovingly restrained himself and held in all the comments about how I am evolving into a hippie (it was my birthday after all) and picked one out himself.  It will take a few weeks to get it going, but if anyone needs fresh herbs, please don't pay those ridiculous grocery store prices, and just come on over and help yourself.  I'm so excited!  

Greg and I went out last weekend (nothing like Market Street halibut and hilarious friends for my birthday), so tonight I went out with my other favorite guy in the world - Austin.  We went to "Walking with Dinosaurs" at the Delta Center (or whatever it's called now).  It was really pretty incredible.  It was kind of like a live documentary.  There was a paleontologist (actor) that walked us through the different periods of the Dinosaur Age.  He was very engaging, and he talked about the different plant life, how the continents shifted, how scientists learned from different types of fossils, the vegetation, and how mountains and volcanoes formed and how it affected the dinosaurs.  Austin was old enough to be completely engaged and enthralled with the dinosaurs (of course) but all the science as well.  

These pictures aren't the greatest (I actually had to Photoshop a tomato seed that was hanging right off the end of my nose - classy), but you can see the teeth behind Austin.  It was actually a huge, black screen that reached to the upper level.  It would open up and the dinosaurs would come out onto the stage.  Some were small (baby T-Rex and there were three raptors - Austin's favorite) that had men inside of them (you could see their feet), but the other dinosaurs were huge - ginormous (as Macy would say).  The adult Brachiosaur reached all the way to the upper level and had to keep it's head down a little so it didn't bump into the lights.  The Stegosaurus plates lit up when it was about to be attacked by the Allosaurus; The two Torosaurus males fought to become leader of the herd; and the Mother T-Rex rightfully defended her baby against the Ankylosaurus and Torosaurus (cousin to the Triceratops).  It was pretty incredible, and so much fun to spend the evening with Austin!  When it started, I got a little choked up because I just love seeing my kids have the time of their life.  Don't worry - I quickly pulled it together because who cries when they walk with the dinosaurs?!?  This was the perfect ending to my birthday.

A few weeks ago, I told Greg that I feel like I've really aged this year.  He looked intensely at my face and said, "Yeah...I can see that."  Even though I wasn't really looking for a response (especially not that response), we laughed about it.  It feels weird that I can easily use the phrase, "I remember twenty years ago (or twenty-five years ago)."  And I can remember my own mother at my age.  She was also pregnant with her fifth.  The nice thing is that I feel a lot more comfortable with myself.  Maybe that is one of the blessings of getting older - acceptance.

I purchased myself a hot pink yoga mat for my birthday.  I've always used the gross ones at the gym.  I went to yoga today, and let me tell you, as if I don't feel awkward enough doing yoga, that awkwardness was intensified by a hundred when I tried to do yoga pregnant.  As I sat there, attempting to stretch, I decided to embrace my pregnant body and try to really enjoy the next four months.  This is the last time that I will ever experience this, and there really is something miraculous to grow a living being (or two) inside you.  These little boys are with me constantly, and I just adore them already.  So...I give you the 19-week belly along with the boobs that are on a hormonal loan before they deflate once again into nonexistence:    

Oh, and the winners of the Pay it Forward are Kristy, Maddie, and Paige.  Thanks for playing everyone.  So you three can expect something in the mail in the next week, and be thinking of some way that you can Pay It Forward as well.  I'll throw in an extra one for Mindi since it is her birthday today!  We shared so many about 20 years ago (see how easily I can throw that phrase around) that we might as well share "32" as well.  Happy Birthday, Mindi! 

And now...as Greg would say...I am in my thirty-third year.  Bring it on!

Pay It Forward

I was the lucky recipient of Jackie's Pay it Forward post in December.  I think she may have spoiled me because I was the one and only winner.  Thank you!  It is now my turn to give.  I purposely waited until now to post (Jackie was probably wondering what happened), but who wants yet another present the week of Christmas.  I thought it would be much better to wait until we existed in a gross, grey, inversion-induced Utah January to hand out presents.  I figured that would really make someone's day.  Plus, it happens to be my birthday this week.  So, I figured what could be more festive than giving away presents for my birthday!?!  Here's how it works: Everyone who wants in, just leave me a comment by Thursday, January 15th and I'll let my kids randomly choose 3 lucky winners from a hat. If you're chosen you can't break the cycle of "Paying it Forward." Good luck! (You can still play even if I don't know your address.  Just leave your email, and I will contact you if you are a winner.  Please...Just PLAY!)

Don't disappoint me!  It is my birthday after all.  

I better get a handful of comments so I can celebrate in style!

Baby Update

I am officially 18 weeks today, and the babies both look great.  A few tidbits I have learned over the past few days:

• The doctors are pretty certain that they are identical (monozygotic).  For those of you who don't know, that means that there was just one egg and one sperm, and that the egg split after fertilization.  They are actually in two different sacks, but it appears that they share a placenta (a huge indicator of identical twins) and the membrane is extremely thin that separates them.  
• The doctors are also carefully monitoring the amount of fluid in each sack.  Right now, the greatest risk is for Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome which can only occur when there is one placenta.  This happens when one baby receives too much blood flow (bigger baby) and the other one doesn't receive enough (resulting in a smaller baby).  As of today, both babies are exactly the same size which indicates that they are receiving the same amount of blood.  This is a very, very good thing!  
• One of the most commonly asked questions is if twins run in our family.  From what I've learned, there is nothing hereditary about identical twins.  It is simply a genetic abnormality where a cell splits when it isn't "supposed" to.  As far as fraternal twins go, there are a lot of factors.  It can be hereditary passed through the women in your family; older women tend to have twins because it is more likely for older women to have two eggs release simultaneously; previous pregnancies can play a factor; and obviously fertility drugs play an huge roll.  But, with my situation, it does not appear that it had anything to do with heredity.   
• Today, these babies are about the size of bananas.  We have determined that Baby A deserves a much feistier name than Baby B because I can feel him moving NONSTOP and his heartbeat has always been about 25-30 beats faster than his brother's!  In fact, Paige's heartbeat was never as high as this baby (hers stayed around 150 - or lower - all the time, which threw me off a little since we didn't find out her gender before she was born).  They generally say that girls have faster heartbeats, but I have a feeling my little Baby A is going to be a spitfire.  Good thing!  That's exactly what our family needs, a little more energy.  We have so many shy, reserved children already, it will be great to have a change.  :)
• I am still in so much shock that this is actually happening to us.  I think back to six/seven years ago when we were struggling to do anything and everything possible to try to have "just one more baby."  We really tried to have our kids closer than three years, but it just didn't seem to work out.  That was an extremely hard time for us.  Here we are, just a few years later, and we are going to have five kids under the age of eight!!!  I never, NEVER - in a million years - thought that I would ever have five kids.  We were extremely lucky/blessed to have two.  When Paige was born,  she seemed like the icing on top of an already adorable two-layer cake.  It is just a testimony to me that the Lord really does answer our prayers - even if it takes several years.   
• When it comes to names, my brain is still turning to mush.  I keep waiting for something to stand out and win me over.  It hasn't happened yet.  We have tentatively decided to give them both of our father's names as middle names.  Now, we just have to come up with a couple of first names.  
• I cannot express my gratitude for all of you amazing mothers (and fathers) out there who have told me how much you love having twins.  I get such mixed reactions from people that I absolutely cherish the ones with positive attitudes.  Thank you so much!
• I have officially given in to maternity clothes.  They don't quite fit yet, but nothing else in the closet seems to fit anymore either.  
• On a completely unrelated note: Now that we are starting the potty training with Paige, she frequently accompanies me to the bathroom so she can "learn by example."  There is nothing better than hearing "Great job, Mommy!  High five."  And they say that you never get any positive feedback when you're a mother!

2009

I've been thinking a lot about goals for 2009.  I've contemplated the usual suspects: food storage, regular scripture study, exercise, savings/debt ratio, patience, patience, patience, etc.  But, I've settled on two words: Remember and Relish!  Please enjoy (or disregard) the long-winded explanation:

I never wrote my grateful moment for December 31st because it was too important to me to write down only to print it off and not see it again (I erase my Grateful Moments at the end of every month and start new with the first).  So, here goes: 

December 31, 2008: Today I'm grateful that Paige actually woke up as we were ringing in the new year.  After enjoying her company for about an hour, I went to put her down as Greg shut down the house.  That night, I decided to rock-a-bye for a minute.  My intention was to sing her favorite song ("Winnie the Pooh" Theme Song), kiss her goodnight, and put her in her crib.  But, I ended up rocking her for a half an hour.  After every song, without moving her head from its resting spot on my shoulder, Paige would pat my back and say, "Sing Mommy...Pease."  Every other song was "Winnie the Pooh" and I snuck in some of my favorites in between.  Even though it was 1:30 in the morning, and I knew I would pay for it the next day, I just couldn't bear to put her down.  I just sat there, rocking my three babies (these twins are extremely active so I am aware of them constantly), trying to squeak out pathetic singing through my tears (I am pregnant after all), never wanting this moment to end and feeling extremely grateful to have a baby to rock.  

Austin's teacher sent home an Optional Homework Packet for the Christmas Vacation.  I threw it in the garbage.  We enjoyed early church today (Thank Heavens), and I really wanted to take a nap this afternoon, but instead, I played some games with Austin.  We have spent the entire Christmas Vacation as schedule-less as possible.  The kids played in the snow, earned a movie in the theater, spent countless hours playing Princess Legos (a made-up game consisting of their two favorite things: Princesses for Macy and Legos for Austin), coloring, hours at Nana and Papa's, picnics in the family room, and anything else they could possible imagine.  They have been so excited about everything!  Last night, Greg observed, "You know, we just forget that the ordinary is new to them."  

Tonight at bedtime, Macy picked out two books.  I made it incredibly clear that she was going to bed when those two books were over.  She inevitably begged for just one more story, and I willingly gave in.  It was a three-story night, and if I was being completely honest, she probably could have turned it into a nine or ten-story night with very little effort.  Even though I tend to rush bedtime too often, I love this precious time with my children. 

I did something tonight that I rarely do - I let Paige stay up an hour and a half past bedtime.  She was so entertaining.  She put on Macy's new patent-leather purple boots over her sleeper, pushing the button on the back of Sleeping Beauty's neck and singing over and over again "Once Upon a Dream," and tapping me on the arm and saying, "Mommy, more puzzle pease" while pointing to the puzzle closet.  She was so completely enjoyable.  Greg teases me that I love her more than the other kids, which is absolutely not true.  I have the happiest memories of Austin and Macy at this age.  I love watching toddlers learn from their surroundings and figure out language.  This is certainly a highlight in my life.  I have too many expectations for Austin - He is the unfortunate first child.  Macy is four, and it has been my experience that four is a bi-polar age (hilarious and deliriously happy one minute/snotty and bratty and naughty the next minute).  Even though the relationship may be more complex and less carefree with Austin and Macy, I still love them so much.  My heart aches every night when they go to bed because I am too hard on them, I lose my patience too easily, and I so desperately want to be a good, happy, loving mother.    

My Point: Remember that this is such a short time of my life.  One that I will miss terribly when it is gone.  I constantly have a child on my lap or in my arms.  Even my seven-year-old is still so affectionate and loves one-on-one time with Mom and Dad.  Remember that all my children will have is their memories.  I want them to always feel loved unconditionally by their mother.  When I had Austin, I received the following advice at a baby shower: "Always act like it is the highlight of your day when your child walks in the room."  I am going to remember to act accordingly more often.  (I stole this one from Brother Bos's testimony this morning) Remember that every day, even every hour of the day, I have the choice to make it a little bit better than the last.  Remember my Savior more frequently throughout the day and follow His example.

Relish this time of my life and live "In the Moment" more frequently.  Relish these babies (no matter how challenging it gets), recognizing that these will be my last in this life.  Relish in each of my children's (and my husband's) god-given gifts and abilities.  Relish in the things I choose to do as equally as the things I choose not to do - recognize that I can't do everything and that is okay.  Relish in the "Little Moments" (just "one more" story, more rock-a-bye, more Sunday afternoon games, more laughter, more chubby-cheek kisses, more nights in my husband's arms, more childhood observations, more "All By Myself" prayers, more candid photographs, more dinner conversations - The possibilities are endless really).  

2009 is going to be a monumental year!