Macy's preschool class went on a field trip to Sweet's Candy Factory. Once again, something that was supposed to be a lot of fun turned out to be full of stress and frustration. They make you wear these little white caps that cover your hair. Not really a big deal, unless you're 13 months old. Paige was just too young to understand that she had to leave it on. So, I wrestled with her the entire time. Just before we went in, the lady was giving instructions while I was buckling Paige in one of their strollers. Macy walked around the corner to the drinking fountain. The lady said, "Who's child is that?" (I love that phrase!) She proceeded to tell me that I had to keep a very close eye on her while we're in the factory (duh!). Then, she explained to all the children that we had to stay inside the yellow lines. For all of you that know Macy, you know that she likes to mosey a bit. So, we were at the back of the group and Macy was a couple of feet behind me. Again...the lady lectured me, and only me, in front of the entire group about how I really need to keep an eye on her. She was staying inside the yellow lines, right?!? It's not that I wasn't aware of her. So, I spent the next few minutes trying not to cry for being reprimanded AGAIN while Macy's teacher walked over to us and took Macy's hand. I just kept wishing there was a way for me to escape and just leave.Throughout the rest of the tour, I had to take Paige out of the stroller because she wouldn't keep her little cap on. Macy spent time in the stroller, out of the stroller, holding my hand, Miss Linda's hand, and a very nice Grandma carried Paige for me while I rescued Macy from another mother who was reprimanding her for not listening to the tour guide and playing with the taffy wrappers. Honestly! Why do I go in public with my children?!? I despise field trips almost as much as I despise Parent/Teacher Conferences. I haven't gone on one of Austin's for that very reason - I just can't handle all the other parents judging my son and my parenting. I know they will judge us even if I'm not there, but I don't have to witness it. I spent the entire tour wondering if I'm just over-sensitive or if my children really are so much more disobedient than all the other children in the world. The thing is...not one other child (or parent) got reprimanded during the entire tour. Macy (and I) got in trouble about five times. I never feel so inadequate as a parent as I do in public.
To top it off, there was a lovely message from Austin when I got home. It was his teacher and himself explaining everything that he was doing wrong today. A few day's ago, his teacher sent home this note, "Best first grade day so far! He (Austin) even spent a few hours at Table 7 away from Miss Karen! Yay!" For the past few days, in Austin's prayers, he has said, "Please help me to have another 'best day' at school. Please help me to graduate from Table 4." Poor kid! Why can't his teacher just handle it with him? Why does she have to get me involved? It's the middle of April for heaven's sake. It obviously isn't working to have him call home! Arghhh. I hate days like this! I feel like such a complete failure, and I feel absolutely zero incentive to go on!
*Explanation of Table 4: This is a table where four of the most difficult boys have sat for the past five months. Miss Karen, the full-time aide, sits at their table with them and helps keep them on task. A couple of weeks ago, two of the boys got to go sit at regular tables (like Table 7), while Austin and Seth were left at Table 4 with two girls who are good behaviorally, but struggle academically so they need Miss Karen's help.
10 comments:
You know what I think? I think you are a completely normal mother with completely normal CHILDREN and that parents and adults really need to lighten up! Seriously - do they not have kids? If they do, are they really that perfect? I feel your pain, I feel the all judging eye all to often, but to be totally honest with you, I don't let it bug me. I think mothers particularly need to be more sensitive towards other moms because I know they've been there. Even if they like to pretend they haven't.
Don't feel bad, I get a call home from Jamie's teacher about every week. And I hear about his behavior on a daily basis (because of our "notebook")
Loves to you - because I've been there and I understand!
So, I know that by the time you met our family, our little twins seemed very well behaved, but that's because you never saw them anywhere but home or church. I finally stopped taking them ANYWHERE else because they were impossible! Especially before they hit the magic age of four. (You probably don't believe me, but it's true.) In fact, before I got to the heart of your story, I was thinking to myself, "Man, other moms (like Emily) are so brave to go places like that with their kids. I couldn't handle even one in a candy factory, let alone two!"
I used to feel so guilty for not taking my kids fun places, then I felt humiliated and abused when I actually DID go somewhere with them.
So, I'm with Lindsay. Nobody has perfect kids. Even if they pretend they are (I like that one, Lindsay). And for real; to me it's huge that you even TRY to do things like that with your kids. Going out with kids that age is a big deal to me because it's HARD. I know it's not just a parenting issue b/c I also have a daughter who would have been the most perfect example of all in a preschool fieldtrip. I love taking her places. The twins were HORRORS. My newest little boy would have to be tied up and fed continuously in order to behave in a place like that. Same parents!
Anyway, I didn't mean to get on a soapbox about this or anything, but this topic has always been a big one for me because I have felt it so personally, and I see it all around me. You're not alone, Em. And I already know you're an awesome mom. Think of that next time you're in public where strangers don't know how wonderful your kids are or how lucky they are to have the parents they do.
Seriously WHO expects children, let a lone preschoolers, to be on their best behavior on a field trip? And in a candy factory!?! My hats off to you! Give yourself more credit, you are a GREAT Mom!!! I proabably would have said something rude and offended someone, I hate being singled out!
Em,
Your post reminds me of a trip to the Sweets Factory in which Enoch wouldn't stay in the stroller they have to provide or keep on the lovely white cap. What a nightmare! I know from experience that when it is happening to you, you feel like it has never happened to anyone else, but not true! Just keep being brave and taking them places. They will remeber only the good stuff and that you spent time with them. You are awesome!
I KNOW I would have cried. I am a crier, pregnant or not if I get my feelings hurt. Such a baby! I definitely think that you were doing just fine, how much trouble can one little girl get into, even if she does have her toes over the yellow line - if she is the only one & you are making sure she doesn't cause any trouble. What a pain!
I was at Wal.Mart today (which I never go there because it's so far now & they don't have the "car carts" which make Polly behave at the store - she is a TERROR at Wal.mart in a regular cart.) Anyway, I saw a mom with 2 boys, one was throwing a fit & one was running away from her. I just felt so bad for her because I knew that she was doing her best, & even if I offered to help, what would I have done? Chased the other boy down & looked like a kidnapper? So I just said a little prayer that things would go better for her while she was trying to do her shopping. I had to bribe Polly with a Happy Meal to get her to sit down while I raced through Wal.MArt knowing that my time was ticking with every bite she took. Ugh. Kids are a pain, but look back on the days that you LOVE your kids & post a blog about how GOOD they were that day! I seriously think you are the best mom ever, 100% good & righteous intentions & that nobody else could parent them the way you & Greg do, that's why you got them! So good job & I realize this is so long, but I had to share my Wal.mart experience because it's the first time I have tried to put into heart not judging someones parenting in public because I have no idea what else is going on in their life or how their day has gone previous to me seeing them.
Oh, & who cares if a 1 year old doesn't wear the cap? You are holding her, she isn't shedding hair all over the place! You stayed behind the yellow lines! Let it go people!
I am so sorry, atleast you got to go in, Calvin wouldn't even put the cap on. We left before it even began.:S
Don't worry- you are a GREAT mom, no matter what other people think! You're not the only one to have your parenting skills judged. Earlier this week, Jake and I were watching the videos we took while we were in the hospital when Abbie was born. Dallin visited every day, and was really good most of the time. But there were a few times caught on tape that he had to be told not to do something. And any time he would do something wrong, EVERYONE in the room would reprimand him- Jake, his mom, his sister, me if I was conscious. Poor kid! He was probably thinking: shut up! I heard my dad the first time! So now I'm going to make an effort to avoid telling someone else's kids what to do, unless they're physically hurting my own kids!
I second (or third) Lindsay's comment. I can't count the number of times I've just left a place because I'm just overwhelmed with my kids. I left a grocery cart full of groceries once. We had to get out and fast! I've always said to myself "If you want/need to be humbled, go out in public with your kids." I've never met a mother who didn't have a problem with this.
P.S. I love your "Today I'm grateful for..." sidebar. It makes ME more grateful.
Thank you to all of you. I love you all! You are all right. I know you've all been there. When I see a screaming child in a store, I'm just so grateful that it isn't me because it definitely has been (and will be in the future). I really need to work on not letting it bug me. I'm extremely impressed with you (Lindsay and others) who don't let it get to you. I start feeling so worthless when I fixate on those words and evil looks from strangers.
Kim - Thank you for your response. For some reason, I found it so funny and just started laughing. So thanks!
Amber - This is something I really struggle with in my family. Poor Austin! He really has an interesting lot in life. The first grandchild - loved so much! But, it also seems like he has 15 parents when my family gets together. I start to feel so bad for him after everyone in the room has reprimanded him. I've gotten better at asking my family members to lay off a little.
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