Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Right of Passage: A Christmas Story

*Photos from a recent photoshoot by Fauset Photography


Last night, I took Austin to the store to make a Christmas list. It was so nice for us to spend an hour or so together. Sometimes I forget that this boy was my entire life for so many years. He is the only child that I had completely to myself for three years. Those three years are some of the happiest of my life. Even though Austin was my fussiest baby, I didn’t know it. I was young and naive and inexperienced. Ignorance really is bliss. I just pushed through those first few colicky months. Then, at five months, Austin learned to sit up and his world changed. He became this happy, creative, curious ball of darling energy. He was my little buddy. We did everything together and I truly loved feeding his endless curiosity.

Life got incredibly busy, and babies kept being born, and we started having struggles with Austin’s behavior, and I felt like a constant failure, and Austin changed from toddler to preschooler to little kid to big kid. We desperately needed some time together just to have some fun. I felt complete having my Little Buddy back for a few minutes.

On the way to the store, Austin explained to me (in depth) the ins and outs of Four Square. He is passionate about this game and plays “every recess.” I listened intently and didn’t have the heart to tell him that I easily remember 4th Grade and Four Square.It was fascinating to listen to him explain the game and his strategy.

I was pleasantly surprised to see how picky he was when it came to his Christmas List.I thought that he would just write everything down that he found, but he didn’t. He was very selective. Even when he found something that he liked, he read the box and really took the time to decide if it was “List Worthy.” When we were walking out of the store, I explained to him that he doesn’t get everything on his list, just a few. He made the point that there weren’t very many items, but I pointed out that some of them are quite expensive (Harry Potter Lego sets come with a pretty hefty price tag). He said, “Yeah, but he doesn’t pay for them?” I said, “He?” Austin responded by saying, “Well…whoever gets the toys.” I asked him who he thought that was, and he hesitatingly said, “You?” (He even looked out the window instead of looking at me when he said it, as if he was guilty or something.) So, I smiled and shook my head.

He was pretty surprised as we talked about how Dad and I are really “Santa.” When one idea would sink in, he would ask more questions. “You are the one who wraps all the presents?” “You are the one who writes the notes?” “You eat the cookies, too? Or do you just break them up?” “How do you disguise your handwriting?” Then, he told me “I guess it is pretty impossible for one person to visit every house in one night.”

I sat there and got a little choked up thinking of all the Christmases that we have spent together. Austin is an absolute joy to buy for. He always gets so excited about his presents and everybody elses. And he has never been shy with his excitement. Every Christmas Eve I find it difficult to sleep because I can’t wait to see the surprise and exhilliration on his face. If I could bottle up Christmas morning, I could market a new antidepressant. It was so sad to see my little boy growing up and losing that part of his childhood.

Then, I started explaining that now that he’s in on this secret, he gets to play Santa with us. I told him how, on Christmas Eve, we’ll put everyone to bed. Then, when the girls are asleep, we’ll get him up and he can help us stuff their stockings. Right away, he started planning how he can find out about Macy’s favorite treats and how she’ll never suspect because she still believes in Santa. Then, he can tell us so we can get her exactly what she loves. The wheels in his brain kept turning and had all these plans for his sisters.

I started getting choked up again, and I told him how much I love being Santa and believing in Santa. I told him the legend of the real Saint Nicholas and how the legend began. I said, “Think about how much you enjoy getting presents on Christmas. Giving them is about a thousand times better.” I told himhow I think the world is a better place by having the “idea” of a Santa Claus. How amazing to have a person whose entire purpose is to give all the children in the entire world gifts. It’s just a happy thought.

Every year I struggle with the commercialism of Christmas. I want my kids to experience the magic of Christmas, and yet have the birth of the Savior and the “reason for the season” be at the forefront of the Christmas season. Over the years, Greg and I have tried several different tactics to help our kids feel the real meaning of Christmas and try to help them find the joy in giving. In that car, I realized that this is the first year that Austin will really “get” it, and I was full of gratitude. He’s not my little boy anymore, but at moments like this, I realize what a strong, giving, loving, and adoring spirit I have in my midst. And I am excited to show him, firsthand this year, how giving can truly be better than receiving.

Let the real magic begin.

6 comments:

Meredith said...

Such a sweet story! I totally got choked up imagining it happening to me with my oldest in a few years.

I'm sure Austin is going to LOVE this Christmas! He's in on the secret! How fun for a boy!

You're such an awesome mommy. :)

Jen-ben said...

I love...

I second Mer.

And Austin IS so sweet, introspective, kind and giving. Just like his mama....and dad too.

Shauna said...

I love the idea of letting him help be Santa....that keeps the "idea" of Santa still fun even after he no longer believes. Keep writing down all these great parenting tips so that I know what to do when my boys hit these stages :-)

Alexie said...

He really is the best, Em!

Marianne said...

Austin is so cute. And you handled the Santa thing so well. I'm just about ready to give up and tell Clara there is no Santa. I'm tired of her asking for really expensive things and when I tell her they're a little too expensive, she retorts that Santa will bring it too her. I wish I could capture the magic of Christmas like you have. Tracy Chapman playing on your playlist. Love it. Love you. We need to do lunch.

Amber said...

What a great story, and a great idea to include him as Santa! Austin reminds me so much of Dallin- so frustrating and so amazing at the same time. I need to focus more on the amazing!