Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Mystery Package (no pun intended)

Admit it.

You get excited when you go to the mailbox and there is a package addressed to you. How about that thrill that goes up your spine when you open the door to see the UPS guy waving politely as he runs back to his truck only to look down and see happiness wrapped up in brown goodness on your doormat?!?

Well, today, my husband walked in the door after some meetings carrying the weekly grocery store ads, ads for the bazillion President's Day sales, a few bills, a baby shower invitation, a second birthday card from my Grandma (she forgot that she already gave me one three weeks ago), and a brown package.

My eyes passed by all the "regular" stuff, and I said, "What's in the package?"

Greg said, "I don't know. It's addressed to you."

He mused while he found a knife to open it up: "What did you order that you forgot about?"

My mind was racing. This is so exciting! I don't remember ordering anything. Maybe somebody sent me a late birthday present, or maybe I did order something and put it out of my mind. This was nearly as thrilling as finding a $20 bill in your winter coat the first time you wear it in November only to realize that you left it there the past March.

With wild anticipation, Greg turned back the flaps of the box for the big reveal:


Right now, you are probably asking yourself, "Is that what I think it is?"

Allow me: Why yes, that is exactly what you think it is. 72 to be exact (12 packages of 6), along with a lifetime supply of lubricant. The invoice simply stated, "Undercover Condoms."

I have no idea where they came from. (I immediately suspected several mom's from my son's school class trying to send Greg and I a not-so-subtle hint.)

This intensely funny situation turned somber when we realized that they were ordered from my credit card number and will be classified as a "Fraud charge." At least we don't have to pay the $103 for the year's supply of birth control. Too bad my Identity Thief didn't make a purchase on "Incognito Diamonds" or "Confidential Corvettes."

Now I have no credit card.

But I do have a size-able donation to make to Planned Parenthood that should be tax deductible.

What did you receive in the mail today???

15 comments:

JK said...

Besides the credit card fraud...this is the funniest thing I have read all day!

I AM JOE PESCI said...

That is pretty funny, yeah except the fraud part and you not having a credit card.

Shauna said...

Just in time for Valentines! :-)

Liz said...

GET---OUT!!!!

Someone stole your number to buy that? So weird.

Jordan Ormond said...

Hilarious! I wish I would have received a box full of condoms when I went through the whole credit card fraud thing. All I got was $12,000 charged to two cards I never applied for.

Christine said...

HHHA! I'm so happy that your hubby was there with you for the hilariousness. How dumb could that identity thief be, having it shipped to your house??

Jackie said...

LOL! That is so dang funny. At least you will be protected from any further "accidents." But, with your track record as far as protection is concerned- better have Greg put an entire box on at once. :-)

Jen-ben said...

Seriously, that is WAY TOO FUNNY!!!

Jana said...

WHAT the heck!! That's the weirdest thing ever!!

Emily said...

Shauna - That is very "Glass Half Full" of you. :-)

Christine - I thought the same thing. Why would someone steal my credit card number and then send the package to me. That's why I thought it was a joke at first. But, I don't have too many friends who can afford to play a $100 joke. Fortunately, the thief wasn't that intelligent because this was the only charge.

Everyone else - I know: WEIRD!!! Possible the strangest thing that has ever happened to me. But we did good a really good laugh. And we have wedding presents for a few years.

Alexie said...

What an awesome joke you have now! I'm sure people will be using this for years as they consider future presents. I know I will. Speaking of future presents... Schow Family White Elephant??

cami said...

Hey, we'd be happy to take the lube off your hands.(So to speak!) As for the condoms-we'll pass. Too Funny!!!

Amber said...

That. is. awesome! Except for the stolen credit card part. I can just imagine your face opening that box!

Allyson said...

I thought Greg probably did send you those! :) Well, sorry about the card fraud! That really stinks!!!

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