He's Not Heavy, He's My Brother

Life has been too heavy lately. I have felt heavy. Getting out of bed every morning has been a challenge. I find myself dreading the day, and it feels so strange to even smile. It's been a rough go. Time to change. Time to smile. Time to laugh. Time to let my children exist in a happy home.

So...

I turn to my good friend, the blog. I've decided that I am going to start look for opportunities throughout the day to blog about. Like this morning, I vacuumed and mopped as soon as the kids left for school. I started with the kitchen, and while I was working on another part of the house, Paige decided that she wanted some milk. True to form, Paige didn't ask for help but decided to do it herself. This would be a disastrous situation in and of itself (given that Paige is possibly the most adorable, most clumsy child I've yet to encounter), but we opened a new gallon of milk this morning. Yep. That's right. Milk, all over the kitchen floor. Ironically, there was not one drop in the small cup that she chose. Obviously the person who coined the phrase, "Don't cry over spilled milk" never had a Paige.

Now, to my credit (I mean, I deserve a TON of credit), I didn't yell. But, how much funnier would it have been if I would have stopped, snapped a picture of the clean floor, milk pool, the empty carton, and the bright, shiny, spotless cup in the middle of the disaster?!?

I started this blog with the idea that it would be cheaper than therapy. In the past several months, I've started a dozen or so posts, but I felt that I couldn't publish them because they weren't honest. I certainly don't pretend that our family is perfect-far from it actually. But because I was/am feeling so bad about myself, anything that showed happiness, I felt that it was a lie. How backward is that??? The fact is that we have 9 people living in this house; 9 personalities...9 bodies with hormones and tummy aches and headaches and bodies that get tired and rarely get enough sleep...9 social networks...9 schedules...and at least 18 loads of laundry. There is so much good that happens during the day, so many funny situations, and so many hilarious conversations. And there are some really difficult, exhausting, downright messy moments every.single.day.

So, here is my public admission that I will look for those little moments during the day to blog about. I will start my "Grateful" section again, and update the funny things that my kids say.

I will search for the joy again.

I will find it.

I really need new carpet, so I can't be blowing that money on a therapist.