Saturday, March 28, 2009

The Reality of Motherhood

The reality of motherhood is that my world revolves around what goes in and what comes out of my children.

Today's conversation with Macy:
  • Macy is sitting on the toilet, yelling from the bathroom so I can hear her.
  • I am attempting to eat my breakfast (an omelet that is already cold) while talking to my mom on the phone and filling my little bird's mouth (Paige) as she stands next to me begging for some of my breakfast (never-mind that she's already eaten her own).
  • WARNING: You should stop reading now if you can't handle a detailed potty discussion.
Macy:  Mom!  Is Dad home?
Me:  No.
Macy:  Well you should call him and tell him that I pooped.
Me: Okay.  (Not intending at all to call him because I'm sure he couldn't stand the thrill of that announcement.  Way too much excitement for one man to handle.)
Macy: Mom, will you come wipe me?
Me: You can wipe yourself.  (I've said that sentence about 100 times.)
Macy: But I just caaaaan't!  I need you to do it.
Me: Macy, you are now five years old.  If you want to go to Kindergarten next year, you need to wipe yourself.  (Again, this is at least the 100th time I've said this.)
Macy: Well, will you at least come in here and see how much I pooped so I know how much I need to wipe?
Me: Macy, take some toilet paper, wipe your bum, then look at the toilet paper.  If there is still some poop on the toilet paper, you will need to wipe again.  Just keep wiping until there isn't any poop left on the toilet paper.  (My mom is laughing on the other end of the phone, and I can't believe that I actually just gave in-depth instructions on how to wipe a bum.)
Macy: Mom!  I wiped and there is still some poop.
Me: Then you will need to wipe again.
Macy:  (With a high-class whine) But I'll be wiping forever!
Macy: (After a minute or two) Mom!  I wiped and there isn't any poop.  
Me:  Great!  Then, I guess you are done.  
Macy: (Walking out of the bathroom and shutting the door.) Do NOT go in there!  (This is what my adorable husband says when he defiles a bathroom.) 

Honestly!   I love these kids to pieces, but did I really have this discussion?!?  Please tell me that all of you mothers out there have equally strange moments where the true glamour of motherhood is just so glaringly apparent!  

Later on in the day, we were in the car and passed a park.  She said with a sigh, "It's a lovely day to be on a swing."  There is never a dull moment with that girl around!

An Unrelated Apology:
By the way, I'm sorry if I offended any of you that love Facebook in my last post.  I wasn't trying to criticize it.  I think it is a great way to get quick info out to everyone, and I know a lot of people that love it.  I'm just no good at it.  I've actually never written on it, never commented on anything, never looked for anyone, and I rarely answer any requests.  It seems dumb for me to be afraid of Facebook, but I am totally intimidated by it.  I still visit and read; I just don't participate.  I never intended to be judgmental of people who love it.  Sorry!


Xazmin said...

I have had this identical conversation - only it was with Jeremy's little brother back when we first got married (he was 5 at the time also)

Once he used so much toilet paper that he plugged the toilet at my parents cabin! He said he was just trying to do what we told him to get all the poop off!

andrea said...

this is the funniest post i have ever read!! i thoroughly enjoyed it! oh what i have to look forward too when i have my own family...

andrea said...

this is the funniest post i have ever read!! i thoroughly enjoyed it! oh what i have to look forward too when i have my own family...

Jen-ben said...

That was CLASSIC. I love her- and I love that she told you not to go in there. Hillarious!

Kim and Brian said...

She is such a doll. I love that she is so honest in everything that comes out of her cute lips.

Jackie said...

Too funny. I love how dramatic she is. And I always hear those three words coming from the bathroom "Come wipe me!" Hate them. (the words- not the kids.)

Tera said...

I'm jealous at this point. I realize she is 5 and Enoch is 3, but I wish there was even an inkling that he was interested, at this point I wouldn't mind having that conversation. Thanks for giving me the script, I'll remember!

Cherise Davies said...

That conversation is just too fabulous. I love it. I'm still giggling to myself about it. :)

Kristy said...

I've gotta say, she sounds like an absolute riot! I'd love to meet her sometime.