Facebook Funnies

Macy: "So Mom, is Dad allergic to ALL kinds of horses? Like...ponies and unicorns?"

Paige: "Mom, how do birds cry?" When I couldn't answer, she said, "I think I know." Then she started tweeting in a really quiet, high-pitched voice.

Paige: "Dad, you know everything. Well, you know almost everything. Jesus really knows everything."

Austin: "Mom, I noticed some of the pajama bottoms you got me say 'flame resistant,' and I wanna test it out."

Paige (to the twins who are yelling in their highchairs): "If you are quiet, you'll get a treat. If you are loud, you'll get stolen by the monsters."

Me: "Paige! Please don't wipe your blueberry fingers on your dress."

Paige: "I didn't. I wiped them on the chair."

Paige: "Santa knows everything. Well...he knows almost everything. Jesus really knows everything. Santa just knows when your good and bad and when you're sleeping."

Austin (to his friend): "I love Katy Perry. In fact, I love the whole Perry family."

Macy: "Mom, how are girls and boys different? You know...besides the hair?"

Macy to Papa: "When I get married, I want a boy with muscles."

Macy: "Mom, do you know the definition of 'eardropping'?" Me: "I think you mean 'eavesdropping'." Macy: "No, I mean 'eardropping.' It means if I listen to your phone call without you knowing."

At Grandpa's funeral, Macy stepped in a huge puddle. Her entire foot got wet. I said, "Oh no! You're all wet!" Macy's response: "Oh well. At least it's not my favorite foot."

Macy (on a snowy day in April): "I just wish there was a button we could push that would move the Earth and it could be Summer. Then it wouldn't snow anymore."

I was doing Macy's hair in our bathroom. We heard Greg whistling in the kitchen. Macy looked up at me and said (in reference to the whistling): "Do you know what that means in bird language...It means 'I love you, Macy'." Later on, when I was telling Greg about it, he laughed and said to Macy: "How did you know." Without missing a beat, and as matter-of-factly as possible, she said, "I speak 'Bird'."

Macy wanted to wear shorts after school. She put some on that were WAY too short. I told her she needed to change. She said, "Okay. I'll put on some Capri Suns."

Paige (right before Easter): "Mom, can you tell Santa to tell the Easter Bunny to bring me this many (holding up her fingers and toes) chocolates for Easter?"

I overheard this conversation:

Macy to Paige: "Oh no! Don't hold up THAT finger. It's your 'Swear Finger'." Turning to Greg and myself, Macy said: "Paige held up her 'Swear Finger' but it was just an accident. Don't worry, she won't do it again. It was just an accident."

Greg took Macy out on a Daddy/Daughter Date for her birthday. They went to Disney on Ice and planned to get something to eat before. Macy said, "Can we go somewhere and get steak?"

Macy (at church): "Brother Valentine must have been borned on Valentine's Day."

Macy: "Mom, what is the name of our president?" Me: "President Obama." Macy: "I think I should pray for him."

Macy: "Being in jail is worser than having a mom."

Macy to Greg: "When we die, the vampires are going to live with Satan and the good people are going to live with Jesus." Greg told Macy that vampires aren't real. Her response: "Well, bats are real."

Greg to Paige: "You better watch it!" Paige to Greg: "What are going to do...blind me with pepper spray?"

Macy walked into the bathroom after a warm shower and said: "The mirror is sweating."

Paige was singing her own version of "The Grinch" song: "She's a mean one...Mr. Mom."

I was cleaning out the kids backpacks and found a math assignment. At the top, it read: Name: Macy, Grade: 1st, Date: Oct 32nd

For the 150th time today, I asked Paige to do something and she did the complete opposite. I said, "Paige! I really need to you listen and obey." Her response: "Okay Mom. I will listen on Saturday."

Paige (while watching a storm): "Mom! The clouds are all dirty!"

Austin took inventory of the kitchen today. After his assessment, he took a post-it note and wrote a shopping list: apples, cream, grapefrute, cheese, eggs, yogurt, 3 pieces of candy, red milk, and chireeos.

Macy (this morning over breakfast): "Mom, it's kind of like you're a maid, but you're really a mom. It's like we are the kids that own a maid. But, we're really kids who own parents."

Macy is reading "The Grinch" to Paige. I just heard her say that they climbed to the top of Mount Everest.

Grandma sent chocolate advent calendars. Macy just said: "Mom, I have to wait until Day 11 for another chocolate because I ate 10 of them."