Thankful 4: 1-20

Every year, I write letters to Greg and each of my children and put it in their stockings on Christmas morning. It's priceless to watch my little ones bypass the candy, the presents, the excitement and run to their stockings to retrieve the most precious gift of the season: words from their mother. Hahaha. I know they will appreciate it one day, and I honestly don't do it for them. I do it for me. I feel like nurturing is not my strong suit and this is the best way I know to express my feelings. Plus, I really like words.

Anyway...My letters to Greg are undoubtedly the most difficult to write. The emotion is so strong as I try to express my gratitude to him. I feel so blessed that he has promised to walk by my side in this life. I'm grateful that I don't have to do it alone. Nearly every year, I start his letter with something like: "What a year it has been!" or "I can't believe what we've been through this year!" It looks like this year's letter will start similarly. It's been a roller-coaster of a ride, and my emotions have been a roller-coaster in and of themselves. In contemplating the last year, here is my much-too-honest list of things I am grateful for this Thanksgiving season:

#1 Greg: He is so good for me. He is generous, loving, affectionate, strong, laughs easily, and seems to make me laugh easily. I love him.

#2 Austin: He has overcome a lot this past year, and I'm grateful for his efforts. He has the most tender heart in our family and is sensitive to the feelings of others. He is coming into his sense of humor, and it's surprising and fun to hear some of the quips he comes up with. I love him.

#3 Macy: The best way to describe her is Indian Cuisine - she is spicy! She is personality times a million, and she keeps life fun and challenging. She adores her daddy and friends. I love her.

#4 Paige: This child talks nonstop and is hilarious! She is meticulous, overly observant, and fiercely independent. She thinks deeply and likes to problem solve. She reminds me of Buddy the Elf: "We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup." I love her.

#5 Spencer: He is my cuddliest child. He loves to climb in bed with me in the mornings, put his arms around me, and hold on...for minutes on end. He loves to give hugs and kisses. He throws tantrums with his entire body but not much sound. He is talking up a storm. I love him.

#6 Kade: He takes the responsibility of youngest child very seriously (even though he only made it by a few minutes). Pretty much, if someone else will do it for him (get him something, feed him, talk), he'll let them. He is unbelievably stubborn, excuse me "determined," but funny. He likes being the clown. I love him.

#7 My dad: It has become obvious to me, as I've started "growing up," that my dad knows a lot about true bravery and sacrifice. I love him.

#8 My mom: She is my greatest mentor, not only in motherhood but in life. She is the glue (as my dad would say). She has had a difficult year, but has come out of it stronger and more faithful. I'm grateful that she can love my children so unconditionally. I love her.

#9 My in-laws: While no family is perfect, I am truly grateful for Greg's parents. I'm grateful for their examples, the choices they've made, their faithful legacy, and their overwhelming generosity. I love them.

#10 Lisa: I am so blessed to have had someone with me my entire life. She is beautiful, talented, and an incredible Mom. I'm grateful for all of the ups and downs of the past year, and I'm grateful that we have been there for each other. I love her (and Cash, who is like my 6th child).

#11 Alexie: She is so strong! She teaches me constantly about the true meaning of love. I am grateful for the trials of the past year because we have grown closer. She has always been my best partner in dissecting a problem or an issue or even just a topic. Her opinions are thought-provoking and passionate. I love her (and her cute kiddos who make me smile all the time).

#12 Gavin: He has overcome so much the past few years, and I'm grateful for his example of perseverance. He is always willing to lend a hand, and goes about doing so much good. I'm grateful that he married Amber. It was a beautiful day and a highlight of the year. I love him.

#13 Madeline: She has my favorite name. I am grateful that she is living closer again, and that we get to spend more time together. I love her vibrant personality, and the ability to say anything at any moment. It's so refreshing! And she is so funny. Really. Hilarious. I love her.

#14 My Grandpa and the chance we had to celebrate his life. I'm grateful that his funeral was such a perfect celebration of his life. I'm grateful that I got to say goodbye to him and express my love one last time. I'm grateful that he occasionally visits me in my dreams. Last night, in my dream, he was in the corner of the room, and I wondered why we hadn't heard him play is guitar lately. I went to get his guitar and tried to give it to him, but he handed it back to me and gestured that he was just there to watch. So, I handed the guitar off to my aunt, and my grandpa just sat there in the corner, smiling. I am grateful to have been so close to him, and I'm grateful that my older children will remember him. I love him.

#15 My grandmothers: They are both struggling with Alzeimers, and my mom has been in charge of both of them (well, my mom and my aunt). It is difficult to be grateful for this disease as it is so exhausting and frustrating for all involved. I can be grateful for the fact that this trial has reiterated to our entire family that a loving Father in Heaven knows us, knows our needs, and does answer our prayers (even if we have to struggle figuring out the answers). I do love them.

#16 My aunts, uncles, cousins, cousins-in-law, and their kids: We are a small group, but the past year has brought several struggles that have brought us closer. I am grateful to have grown up around family and truly enjoy each other's company after all these years. I am grateful for the good people that surround me, for their faith, brave choices, and good examples. I love them.

#17 Jen and her family: I hope I don't embarrass her by putting this on my blog, but I am so grateful to have made such a close friend. She knows me better than anyone, has witnessed by best side (and plenty of opportunities to witness my "not-so-best-side" and often my "downright-evil-side") and she loves me anyway. She is honest with me, builds me up, is a deep and intriguing philosopher, and would do anything for me or my kids. She is a fabulous example of a loving mother, a true humanitarian, a talented photographer, and an amazing wife. I'm so grateful the Lord brought her and Jasper and all of their kids to West Jordan to bless my life. I love her.

#18 Our Ward and Neighborhood: I am truly grateful to be surrounded by so many good-to-the-core people. We have lived in our home for nearly 11 years, and some amazing friends have moved away, but I'm grateful to keep in touch with them. I love all the friends I've made, and I love going out with them occasionally. They really make me laugh. We have some fabulous memories. My neighbors are incredible - the food, the lawn-mowing, the treats for my kids (more importantly, the love and acceptance shown to my kids), and the amazing examples of service and love. I am grateful that my kids have so many good friends that come from amazing families. I'm grateful to all those parents that welcome my kids and their chaos into their homes. My mom told me once that she always loves coming to our ward because everyone is so kind and a true spirit of love exists. It's so true. I love being around so many incredible people.

#19 My home: It keeps us warm in the winter and cool in the summer. We have everything we need and a whole lot more. It's nothing extravagant, but I like it and we seem to make a lot of good memories.

#20 Home videos: Greg has been so diligent in taking home videos over the years. Last Saturday, the kids got them out and before we knew it, it was an hour and a half past bedtime. It was so fun to see the kids over the years and remember why we love each other.

# 20 1/2 Pictures: I am so grateful for photography and pictures. I'm grateful to have images and moments caught in time. They bring back so many emotions and memories. We had our family pictures taken in October, and I love the way they turned out. Thanks again, Jen (Fauset Photography).

Okay, so these items haven't exactly been "honest." This list actually evolved more on the sappy side. But just you wait until tomorrow...