A Baby's Eyes

I wish that babies eyes weren't so difficult to photograph...

Part I:

When Spencer and Kade were in the hospital after they were born, the hospital graciously let me "room in." Although I had to move a few times, I was able to stay overnight at the hospital to be with them and participate in the feedings (which were the only times that I was able to hold them). It was a blessing not to have to be separated from them. Another beautiful blessing is that I became close to several of the nurses. It got to the point that the same nurses would take care of them, and I came to adore these sweet women.

Some evenings, the nursery was busy and buzzing, but some nights, all was quiet. One night, around midnight, one of the nurses and I were sitting in the rockers, both with a baby in our arms, giving them their little bottles, and we got into a conversation about her children. She and her husband adopted four (3 boys and 1 girl). Earlier, I learned that their 2nd baby was born 2 months early, weighing just over two and a half pounds. She told me that she has a soft spot in her heart for preemies which was why she fought to take care of our boys.

Their first two babies came through an adoption agency, and the last two came through a program similar to foster parenting. She and her husband signed up to take newborn through 4 months. She told me that when they got their 3rd little boy, he was a little bit older (I think she said just over 5 months), but they agreed to take him anyway. He had been so neglected that he would not look into their eyes. They would talk to him, coo at him, sing to him, make funny noises, etc. but he would just look past them. Nobody had ever paid attention to him. He didn't know what it was like to have another human being look at him and portray love. He didn't know how to respond.

She told me that it took months until he looked her in the eye (I believe he was 10 months old), and even longer to actually smile. Even now (he is four), he stays close to her and her husband, but won't let many other people into his life. Whenever he meets someone new, he hides behind his mom and dad because he simply doesn't trust.

Part II:

I wish that babies eyes weren't so difficult to photograph because they display complete, raw, unconditional love. How sad for this little boy that he didn't have any attention in those first few months of life. How happy for this little boy that he found two people who refused to give up on him and dedicate their lives to proving to him how much he is loved. How tragic for the birth parents of this little boy who didn't realize the gift that their baby could have given them.

One of the most frequent comments I get with my twin boys is: "Oh, I just can't imagine how much work that would be!" Which, I suppose, is true. If I really stop to think about it (and honestly, who has time to stop and think), there is some extra work involved with two babies. Sometimes a simple outing such as going to a doctor's appointment or grocery shopping takes as much prep time as a short vacation. The time spent nursing adds up (if you have time for math), and the amount of diapers is just astronomical. But, in all honesty, I rarely focus on the work. One of the reasons is that this is my 4th and 5th time with a baby in the house. I now know how fleeting this stage really is. But mostly, it is because each and every time I see these boys, they greet me with overwhelming adoration.

Whenever I walk into the room, their eyes light up. Sometimes, I don't even have to be in the room. If they hear my voice, I hear little coos indicating that they are searching for me. And I can't even think about walking past them without picking them up for a squeeze and some sugar. They reach their little arms out and start frantically searching for my face. Once they find it, they grab on tightly and devour my nose, chin, or cheekbone. It's as if they are saying, "I love you so much, I think I'll eat you right up." I love it when they catch my gaze and their eyes twinkle and they try to make their lips roll the way I do. Today, I was rocking Spencer to sleep. He had his binkie in his mouth and his hand on my face (always), and every once in a while, I would see this little head pop up in the crib and peer at me through the bars. I would smile at Kade, maybe give him a little shout-out (in whispers of course), and his face would light up for a minute, then he would put his head back down and try to go to sleep. I am their entire world.

This isn't a post on how wonderful I am or how much I need to be loved, but more on how babies do come to us with an innate ability to permeate love. Their eyes are so deep and penetrating. It's as if they can see to our core, and they love us anyway. Sometimes, I so desperately wish they could speak because it seems like they have so much to say. Their eyes are full of truth.

I am watching the outside world creep into the lives of my older children. I am no longer their entire world. Austin's world revolves around pokemon, Harry Potter, bakugan, four square - anything that is "in" with his friends. Macy's whole world is her dad. He is the center of her universe. (It will be very interesting to watch what happens when another man tries to infiltrate that relationship.) Paige's whole world...well, it is partly me, but mostly just anything that has to do with discovery. She is into and out of EVERYTHING! So busy figuring out all that life has to offer.

I feel so grateful to have two sets of eyes in my home that are teaching me, yet again, about what it means to love and adore. I get so wrapped up in what my children are "supposed" to be doing and how they are "supposed" to be acting, that I forget my main responsibility: To be that safe haven where they can always find love. These four little eyes are so busy, on a daily basis, reminding me of the true purpose of life.