The lesson assigned for the end of January in Relief Society was "Converted unto the Lord" by Elder Bednar. Our teacher also used the talk in her lesson the following week. The second week in February was our Ward Conference. Both our Bishop and Stake President addressed the topic in Sacrament Meeting, and the Stake Relief Society Presidency used the talk again to teach Relief Society. Finally, we went to hear my adorable niece Amanda give her mission farewell yesterday. The entire premise of her talk was based on (you guessed it) this very talk.
I think the Lord is trying to tell me something.
A few years ago, I came home from a Relief Society meeting where Elder Uchtdorf spoke to the sisters. I told Greg that the Lord had sent him for me. His response was, "Nah! A lot of people like him." While I adore Elder Uchtdorf, and his talks always seem to speak straight to my heart, the honest truth is that Elder Bednar's talks usually speak to the "time to make some changes, Emily" portion of my soul.
I had honestly never thought about testimony in this manner before. I never thought about my testimony as being a "point of departure." I know that there are people out there that believe that testimony and even conversion are one time events; a particular experience or moment when they just know. I believe that this is the experience for some people. For me, however, it is a constant evolution. Hopefully, most of the time, I am heading toward that goal of true conversion. I think about my testimony, and it is always changing. It is not even the same from day to day. I experience new things, have new thoughts, seek for new answers. I woke up Sunday morning with a testimony, but it was different even after I heard my niece speak. She sparked thoughts and ideas in me that affect the way I think and feel about the gospel. I just have to make sure that I am constantly trying to improve and learn how to become truly converted.
Another part of Elder Bednar's talk that haunts me, is when he discusses the people of Ammon. These righteous, faithful Lamanites in the Book of Mormon that repented and buried their weapons and covenanted never to kill again, even in self defense. They eventually moved to the land of the Nephites and suffered greatly because of their beliefs. The scriptures tell us that these people were "converted unto the Lord" and they "never did fall away." As Elder Bednar states: "They never did fall away and surrendered 'the weapons of their rebellion, that they did not fight against God any more.' To set aside cherished 'weapons of rebellion' such as selfishness, pride, and disobedience requires more than merely believing and knowing. Conviction, humility, repentance, and submissiveness precede the abandonment of our weapons of rebellion. Do you and I still possess weapons of rebellion that keep us from becoming converted unto the Lord? If so, then we need to repent now."
What are my "weapons of war"? What are those earthly pleasures that I am not willing to give up? What do I need to sacrifice in order to grow as a person, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend? What is holding me back from being truly converted?
A lot of answers have been running through my mind. I find that my answers always come back to some element of fear and/or doubt. Fear of my abilities, fear of the future, doubt in my testimony, etc.
I have some work to do.
Amanda told this story at the close of her talk. I have a feeling that if I were just to apply the lessons taught in her analogy, that fear that I'm talking about would dissipate.
The Parable of the Stream
A woman was in an airplane when she looked out the window and down on the landscape. From her bird's eye view, she was able to see a variety of streams and rivers flowing down the hills. She noticed how they twisted and turned, how they followed the path of the natural terrain, and occasionally even ran together. She was struck by how beautiful and interesting the flow of the rivers and streams made the land. Then, she noticed the man-made canals. They were as straight as possible and forced their way down the hills and through the valley. She thought about how we, as the "natural man", try to find the shortest, quickest, most pain-free distance between Point A and Point B. We will do anything, even if we have to force it, to get there as quickly as possible. The problem is that we miss everything that makes life interesting and beautiful. When we submit to the Lord's will, and trust Him to take us on His path, we will still reach Point B (although it may take longer). When we submit to the Lord's will, we allow the beauty of life (our triumphs and trials) to shape us and mold us and refine us and just make life more amazing!
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