R20M

My children each receive a daily planner the first day of school. They are supposed to write down their homework assignments daily and any notes from the teacher or correspondence comes home through these planners.

This is a copy of a page from Macy's planner from the 2nd week of school. Every word is carefully written out and spelled correctly (with the exception of a few backward letters). Notice her precise, cautious handwriting on Wednesday:

This is a copy of a page from Macy's planner from last week. She didn't even get the zero in on Tuesday:

I'm telling you...that girl has a talent, a true natural ability for getting out of work. She's very gifted, really. She definitely works harder at getting out of work than actually doing the work.

R20M has become our family code-word for taking the easy way out. Don't get me wrong, I believe that some things deserve a little R20M. Like my make-up for instance. If make-up takes me longer than 3 minutes, it's just not worth it. Or my car. I wish I cared about my car the way my dad does, but it is just so far down on the list. I can't keep it washed and vacuumed out, so I just R20M-it.

But, I'm afraid that I have taken the R20M approach to motherhood lately. I found a talk by Dieter F. Uchtdorf about work. He says: "When our wagon gets stuck in the mud, God is much more likely to assist the man who gets out to push than the man who merely raises his voice in prayer-no matter how eloquent the oration. President Thomas S. Monson put it this way: 'It is not enough to want to make the effort and to say we'll make the effort...It is in the doing, not just the thinking, that we accomplish our goals. If we constantly put our goals off, we will never see them fulfilled'."

Every night when my kids are asleep, I decide that it's time to step it up and put forth the effort into being more patient, more loving, more encouraging, and actually teaching them pro-actively rather than reacting to every situation. Then, the morning comes, and the kids can't seem to get out the door to school without my nagging and criticizing and yelling. I use the excuse that the twins are still so little and I'm just so exhausted, or that it's winter and being indoors all day is making us all so grouchy, or that they are just too young for certain lessons and I'll step it up when they are older, .

But the truth is that I am taking the R20M route instead of slowing down, taking the time, being cautious and careful, and doing the best I can. In the same talk, Elder Uchdorf also said: "The Lord doesn't expect us to work harder than we are able. He doesn't (nor should we) compare our efforts to those of others. Our Heavenly Father asks only that we do the best we can-that we work according to our full capacity, however great or small that may be." The problem is that sometimes I hide behind the excuse of "I'm doing the best I can" when that isn't really true at all. My best is not lingering in bed rather than getting up early enough to ensure that we aren't rushed in the morning. My best is not going straight to threats and anger instead of getting creative and exercising patience with my kids. My best is not throwing them in bed as fast as I can so I can plop down in front of the TV to watch my shows. Quite frankly, my "best" needs a swift kick in the behind.

Elder Uchtdorf makes a promise for hard work of any kind: "Work is an antidote for anxiety, and ointment for sorrow, and a doorway to possibility." I get so frustrated with my parenting and my kids and I do feel a huge amount of anxiety because of the choices that they make. But this promise gives me hope. It tells me that if I work harder, and sincerely put forth my "best effort," then some of that anxiety goes away.

Instead of R20M, I am committing to "Read 20 minutes" in my best handwriting. Starting today.