WARNING: This is a bit of a gripe fest. But, it's my blog, so I guess I'm entitled from time to time.
First of all, I have a three-year-old. Argggg is all I have to say (not like a pirate, more like a very frustrated mother who may suffer permanent damage due to eye rolling). Three is so unbelievably tough for me. I'm mourning the loss of my sweet angel. She used to be polite, loving, dang sweet, and so very happy. Now, I feel like she gets out of bed every morning and puts on her hypothetical boxing gloves and sets out for the fight of her life. EVERY DAY!!! Unfortunately, I am her opponent. I told Greg that I don't know if I'll live through this year. He said, "You say that every time." It's true. Austin survived; Macy survived; somehow I survived. I supposed Paige will survive too. If I can just figure out a way to do it without so much negotiation and tears.
As much as I love the girl, she is the most clumsy person I have ever met. So, since church is right during lunch time, I bring snacks. Inevitably, the cheddar bunnies end up on the floor, in the pew, down her dress, etc. If I'm lucky, I rummage around on my knees (in a dress) to pick them all up before she squashes them (which she does for funsies). She falls down at least a half a dozen times and inevitably smacks a head or elbow on the wooden corners. Every bump is a greek tragedy - at least she act like it's one. Not to mention the inability of three-year-olds when it comes to whispering. I'm pretty sure it is physically impossible. She is just a nightmare during Sacrament Meeting. I want to shout "Hallelujah" when she can finally go to nursery and play to her little heart's content.
Secondly, I have two mobile 12-month-olds. Church is absolute torture for them. These two boys are very happy babes. They roam the house all day long. As long as they are moving, they are happy. This doesn't fly at church. It's like Greg and I play Keep Away all through Sacrament Meeting. We are constantly swapping babies. I try not to look around and see the faces of all the people around us that shake their heads and thank the Lord that they do not have our life.
Right now, both boys are both getting their four top teeth. That would be a total of eight teeth. They are pretty grumpy. I am this close to going in and cutting them out myself. Then, maybe the noses will stop running, the fevers will go away, and my clingy, miserable boys will start eating again (Eating = Happy). I generally juggle both of them in Relief Society and do just fine. Not today. They were soooooo tired, and they both wanted me. But, they didn't really want me, they really wanted their beds. They climbed all over me trying to get comfortable enough to sleep and they never achieved their goal. Even though they were grumpy, I have to admit that it is somewhat flattering that I don't resemble a large mattress. But, that just meant uncomfortable, exhausted, teething babies. I was well aware of all the people that we were disturbing. Several wonderful people tried to help, but they were just too tired and in too much discomfort to want anybody but me. I felt like I had run a marathon when it was finally over.
Before I had children, and I was an expert in raising children, I envisioned myself always sitting next to my husband at church. I could see us on one end of the pew, holding hands, with our brood of six children sitting beside us - all listening intently and looking like models in their perfectly pressed dress shirts and poofy dresses with matching bows. I thought, "This way, my children will see their parents showing affection and know how much we love each other and love them and love the gospel." Instead, we each take an end and block our kids and the disaster that accompanies them in one aisle. We generally walk away with snot on our shoulders, pen on our clothes, crackers smeared on our chest, and all my jewelry pulled off. Sometimes, my clothes are so skiwompus that my bra straps show.
"This too shall pass" swims through my head at times like this. I just feel like we are a giant disaster every week at church. Greg and I come home exhausted - not uplifted. It's frustrating. I feel like our Spiritual Lever is running on empty most Sunday's. I've heard that all frustration comes from unmet expectations. I sure created one doozy of an expectation. No wonder I'm frustrated. In all honesty, I just feel so guilty for being so distracting. I don't really know what to do to improve the situation and that just adds to the frustration.
A few weeks ago, the Primary President was asking the kids what they knew about the Sacrament. Macy's hand shot into the air and she said, "You only take one piece of bread; not two."
We've just got to do better!
9 comments:
Things that make my sacrament easier:
1. No snacks. Turns out they're more harmful than helpful. I used to bring them all the time because it just seemed like the thing to do, but life got SO much easier when I stopped! I give them something non-messy to eat right before church and call it good.
2. Sit in the back. Waaaaay in the back. There have only been short periods when I've found this necessary (I don't have twins!), but it's SO much easier when I don't feel like everyone's WATCHING.
Sometimes I feel the same way Emily- and my kids are older. I am breaking up fights between Nathan and Logan. (Yes- I did say nathan...) The minute we walk in- the snacks are taken out along with the crayons and coloring books. They act like they haven't eaten in days- when in reality they just ate before coming to church. So I may have to take Christine's advice and stop bringing them. (Although I may sneak a few for myself in my own bag...) I get so frustrated that my kids can't sit still without any entertainment at least until after the sacrament. (Which I rolled with laughter on Macy's comment...) They are always fighting over who sits where and next to who and crawling all over my lap, pulling up my dress, snagging my nylons, etc.
Bottom line: I wouldn't worry about you thinking you are causing a scene because we are all focusing on keeping our own kids under control to notice everyone elses. The only thing that I do hate is when parents bring the noisy toys for small kids. There is one in particular that I seem to hear every Sunday in our ward that I just want to reach out and grab it because it's so dang annoying...grrr... Ok- I vented about it. (And it's not even my blog- sorry!)
You are doing great! And I assure you that everyone isn't looking at you thinking, DANG - they are SO distracting! They are probably empathizing with you - I know I am!
I think everyone feels that way (except the Olsens, maybe). I say you do what keeps you sane. Love you!
I agree with what Jackie said, everyone is pretty much focusing on their own kids and craziness. And I feel way bad if you felt awkward cuz I looked at you a couple times in relief society BUT I was watching your super cute boys and watching you interact with them and quietly sing them something when they were getting restless and watching you make them laugh. I loved it! I love babies! and you are cute with yours. :)
Emily... I feel the same!! I can't even tell you how many Sundays I have told Curtis "I hate Sunday!!". I know what you mean about unrealistic expectations for the day.
A couple of weeks ago, several people were talking about what a great talk this man gave during sacrament, how it was so great and about hope and faith, and all I could think was, "really, I didn't hear it at all, how could I not hear any of it?"
i think it's another of those we can't compare our own reality with what we perceive someone else's to be, my older kid are way more distracting than Enoch!! I did start the no treats thing a few years ago. I don't bring anything for them to do either. I don't think that is realistic for the babies, and I usually have a small bag of legos fr Enoch if he gets terrible, but te others need to attempt to be quiet:).
Thanks for saying what A LOT of us are felling about sacrament meeting. I hope it gets better for you... Sending hugs your way friend!!!
I am laughing. . . =) I love your blog! I say you can't cut out ALL snacks because you need a major energy boost for MOM just to get her all the way thru three hours of church!!
I feel your pain, Emily, and I only have 2 kids! A family moved out of our ward last year, but before they moved the dad was in the bishopric and the mom played the organ. The entire family, including all 4 kids ages 7-0 sat on the stand for all of sacrament meeting. They were PERFECTLY behaved, and I always felt like it was rubbed in my face that this was how children were "supposed" to behave in church. I wasn't sad at all when they moved!!
No Emily! You DON'T have to do better! You are surviving. I'm sorry if that doesn't make you feel better. But truly, I've come to feel that at this stage, sacrament meeting is about surviving. Our bishop just gave a talk in sacrament about reverence during sacrament meeting, and he took reverence to a whole new level. I was feeling pretty crappy, because honestly, if we're all alive at the end of sacrament it's been a success in my book. But anyway, at the end of his talk he said, "and to you parents of young children, don't sweat it. Kids are kids and they just do what kids do. That's just part of life. We're glad you and your kids are here." It made me feel so much better. Emily, I really believe that God is just glad you guys show up!
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