Not Me! Monday

I'm borrowing this idea from my friend Mindi who borrowed from the blog mycharmingkids.net. Every Monday, they reveal something that she would never do, but has somehow done. It is hilarious and I eagerly look forward to every Monday to see how Mindi will spin it for yet another week. I don't think I'm ready for a weekly commitment, but I did have one for this week. Let's see if I can get it right.

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Wash Day. Every Monday begins the same: sorting, sorting, and even more sorting. Since I am not the type of mother who believes in Child Labor Laws (not me), I would never dream of reducing my children to the menial task of sorting not only their own dirty laundry, but the infamous laundry basket that resides in the Master Bedroom Walk-In Closet. And I would never, ever accidentally leave any unmentionables inside that mysterious den of cotton iniquity. (I swear the laundry multiplies on its own!)

I would never leave my darling little Macy in the bedroom to perform such a mundane task while I hobnobbed with the neighborhood's favorite grandma - Sister Reynolds. (This amazing woman DID raise eight children in a house with one bathroom and zero...count them...zero automatic dishwashers. She is sweet as sugar and dons her own halo.) I was not standing approximately a foot away from this lovely lady when my daughter did not march out of the bedroom carrying a pair of large pink undies from Victoria's Secret. (Okay, not that large, jeez! But much, much too large, with much too much lace, for her dainty five-year-old hieny.) She did not proceed to stretch them out to full size, hold them over her head, and demand: "Mom, what are these?"

I did not stumble in my answer. I did not stand there in a dazed stupor. And I certainly did not say a silent prayer begging the God of all things Satin and Lace to magically turn them into bloomers, pajama pants, or anything made of plaid flannel. In the end, I did not state the obvious: "They are panties honey."

She did not add to my humiliation by asking the even more obvious: "Well...Who's are they?"

I definitely did not cave or bury my head in the sand. I did stand up for myself and be proud that this home not only houses a pair of sassy, pink panties, but they do...on occasion...make it out of the back of the Delicate's Drawer. No! I did not put my tail between my legs and swiftly shoo my daughter out of the room.

"Just put them in the pile with the rest of the colors. Thanks sweetie."

To top it all off, I did not turn to Sister Reynolds and pretend like none of that had just happened.