3 Months

My babies are three months old, and Spencer is already picking on Kade:

One:

Two:

Three:

Too funny!!!

Spencer actually rolled over on Saturday. I fed him first, put him down on a blanket in the middle of the room, and picked up Kade to feed him. I watched Spencer the entire time, and after much struggle, he finally did it. For several minutes, he rolled his entire body over, and if he didn't have that darn left arm, he would have accomplished this task much more quickly. He couldn't quite figure out how to free that arm from under his belly. After much kicking and squirming, he would tire and roll onto his back for a little breather. After a deep breath and new resolution, his legs would flip over again and he would kick and squirm some more so determined to get all the way over - left arm and all!

After about ten minutes, he did it! Finally, that arm popped right out and he lay there high-centered on his round belly. Now what?!? He achieved his goal, but after a couple of seconds, he started crying. I guess it wasn't all he hoped for. How typical. The fallacy of "The grass is always greener on the other side" catches all of us in its grip - even innocent little three-month-olds.

I continually feel so blessed for these babies. They are really dynamic right now, and they smile and respond when we talk to them. They are actually doing great at night. Spencer usually skips his middle-of-the-night feeding, and Kade does occasionally. So, there are a few days a week that they'll go about six hours between feedings. Heaven! They LOVE their swings, bouncers, and binkies. Like most babies, they both love to be held as well. I've started taking them out - on walks and to the store (occasionally). I put one in the stroller with Paige and one in the sling. It seems to work and I don't feel like the walls are caving in on me. It's nice.

Earlier this month, Greg blessed both of the babies. He was so nervous about making them different, but I think he did a very good job. He blessed Kade first. He said that Kade with be second his entire life, so he wanted to give him a chance to be first. He blessed both boys with the desire to achieve righteousness in this life: baptism, priesthood, mission, marriage in the temple, and eventually the blessing of being fathers themselves. He talked to Kade about his middle name, and how it is the name of his grandfather. He blessed him with traits like his grandfather - determination, industrious, and a very generous heart.

When the blessing was over, everyone stayed up in the circle, Greg walked down, handed Kade off, picked up Spencer, and started all over again. (Sometimes I don't realize that I have twins. I simply take care of them. One feeding - another feeding. One diaper change - another diaper change. One bath - a second bath. but then there are moments like this where I realize that there are two of them. It's very strange.) Spencer's blessing was just as beautiful. Greg very sweetly talked about me and everything that a mother sacrifices for a baby. He blessed Spencer that he will feel of our overwhelming love and gratitude for him. Then, he spoke about how Spencer was also named after a "great man" (my dad). He talked about my dad's traits of selflessness and dedication to our family. He blessed him to acquire those traits.

Afterward, we had everyone over to our house for some breakfast casserole and breakfast rolls. It was a beautiful day. I thought back to those first days of their lives, when we spent nearly two weeks in the hospital, eagerly arriving at the nursery every three hours on the dot, passing clearance by the nurses, washing our hands obsessively, and finally visiting our tiny babies. I remember one night when it was decided that Kade was simply not progressing and they put a feeding tube in. This made it so that I could only hold him for about 20 minutes every six hours. He needed to eat and sleep under the heat as much as possible so he could start to grow.

I had just fed Kade his measly 18 cc's of well-intended breast milk. After burping, he gagged and spit up the entire bottle. It was everywhere - all over him, all over me, and all over the floor. I was exhausted and started to cry. I knew that this was the last straw and that they would put the tube down his throat. I knew everything would eventually be okay, but it was so hard to see his little three-an-a-half pound body hooked up to all these tubes and monitors and feel so completely helpless. Our nurse was a blessing that night. She had extensive experience with preemie babies, both professionally and personally. The smallest baby she ever cared for was just under a pound, and he lived! She and her husband had adopted all four of their children. Her second child was born early and weighed in at about two-and-a-half pounds. They spent nearly three months in the hospital with him. She sweetly put her arm around me and said, "You know, the ones that struggle the most often turn out to be the strongest."

I looked around the room. This was the Level II Nursery (still considered a NICU, but not as life-threatening as the Level III Nursery). I saw all these babies that were struggling with their start in life. Most babies stayed a couple of days as they overcame jaundice or breathing issues. One little baby was born addicted to morphine, and began his life desperately struggling to overcome this inherited addiction. Every day was a fight as he screamed to the point that my milk came in. We saw two babies life flighted to Primary Children's during our stay. Overall, I was amazed at the strength and resilience of these tiny bodies. I wondered about their spirits. These bodies all around me were only a couple of pounds, but their spirits are eternal. I wondered about the strength of their souls.

Then, I thought about that statement in relation to life. As I stood there and rubbed Kade's little forehead, I thought about those people in my life that have suffered more than what seems like their fair share. I know so many good people that, through very little fault of their own, have had to struggle through health issues, money issues, emotional issues, etc. I thought about the strength of their souls as well. I thought about the Plan of Salvation and how we learn about it over and over again. I think that we skip over the part where we say "We came to earth to get a body and be tried and tested" much too quickly. This is the reason we are here. This was not meant to be easy. Trite, perhaps, but true. Like the nurse said, we need to struggle in order to become strong.

I suddenly became one of those people who is extremely grateful for my trials. I don't have too look very hard, even when times are tough, to realize that the grass is quite green on my side of the fence. It is green enough, at least.