Parenting Insight from the NBA Playoffs

As many of you know if you read my blog, I struggle immensely with being a mother to a little boy. I love him so very much that I can hardly think about it without tearing up, and yet his behavior causes me so much stress and anxiety. I am constantly debating (in my head) whether or not there is something "wrong" with him or if he is just a boy. I've never really been around boys. I have one brother, but out of the five of us, he is probably the most passive. Plus, he was quite a bit younger than me that I wasn't really aware of his behavior. I was well into my egocentric teenage years when he was growing up, so I just didn't notice.

My sweet Austin has so many incredible traits. He is such a thinker - always analyzing and observing. He genuinely cares about people and really loves being around them. He is very loving and is the first one to give hugs and kisses. He is very helpful and capable. It doesn't matter what task I give him, he masters it almost immediately. He has the most amazing energy, and he is happy. He seems to be very sensitive to the Spirit and other people's tender feelings.

For all these outstanding traits, he has some serious issues with impulse control, focus, and controlling his emotions. The other day was Field Day at school. I was torn: what a fun, fun day and yet I knew he was walking into a situation that is very difficult for him - about 400 kids outside at once. When he gets around too many people, his energy level skyrockets and he seems to lose all concept of common sense. He gets loud and just plain crazy. After a half hour, he was in the office because another boy stepped on his bare toes (he had sandals on which exposed his toes) so Austin hit the kid. It just seems (emphasis on seems) like he is always in trouble - much more than other kids. I cringe when the phone rings and the school's name appears on the caller ID. Honestly, it feels like this kids is in trouble ALL THE TIME - at home, at church, and at school. I feel bad for him, and yet it infuriates me at the same time. He knows the right thing to do, why can't he just do it already?!?

Then, I was watching the NBA playoffs and had an epiphany. We were watching Game 4 and hoping that the Orlando Magic would pull off a win to tie the series. Greg cheers for anyone who plays against the Lakers, and I just love rooting for the underdog. Going into the game, the Magic were down 2-1. For the second time in this series, Orlando could have...should have...won the game in regulation play. They made some errors - offensively and defensively - and the Lakers forced it into overtime. The Magic fought a good fight, and with just over a minute to go, they were tied. Then, the Lakers talent and skills kicked in. After a couple of stolen balls and three pointers, it was obvious that the Lakers had this game won. With only a few seconds to go, and absolutely no hope of Orlando winning, Gasol (the Laker's Center) was attempting his second straight dunk when Pietrus, on Orlando, smacked him on the back with both fists. He was charged with a flagrant foul. Gasol responded in anger which earned him a technical foul.

I thought about this exchange. Here are two professional basketball players in the playoffs - arguably a couple of the best players in the world. Out of sheer frustration, one of the players (a successful adult) loses his temper and "hits" another player. Angry from the attack, the other player (another successful adult) throws a temper tantrum and yells and threatens. Given the situation, it is understandable that these two grown men reacted in this way. Why then, can't I understand it when my seven-year-old reacts in this way? He has not had the experience of an adult, and yet why do I expect perfection out of him? Why can't I remember that I don't always act correctly when I get frustrated, overwhelmed, or hurt? Why can't I just take a deep breath and treat it as a teaching moment instead of doom him and label him? Why can't the school system adapt to help kids like this? Why can't I suspend my anger and disappointment when administering consequences? Why can't I just slap him with a hefty fine and possible suspension so that he can learn his lesson?

I believe that I should have expectations for my children, but I need to consider the circumstances and administer consequences that will help him learn. I really don't want my kids to be robots. I want them to have their own personalities and exemplify their strengths and learn from their weaknesses. I'm glad that they have so much personality. I just need to remember this when my kids are in trouble. And I need to focus more on the positive because there really is so much good in him!