Growing Up

So, the other day, Austin was with Greg at church and he was continually using his middle finger to point to things. Greg tried his best to ignore it and hoped that Austin would just stop. But, he finally told Austin that he really shouldn't use his middle finger to point to things because it means something bad and it could really upset people. As is typical with Austin, you could almost see the wheels turning in his head. He held up his pinkie finger and asked if he could point with it. Greg told him that would be fine. Then, he held up his ring finger and asked if that was okay. Greg said he probably shouldn't do that either because people might think it was his middle finger. After a couple of minutes, Austin looked at Greg and said, "Is this bad, Dad?" He had all of his fingers up except for his middle finger. I laughed so hard!

He just always wants to know where "the line" is and how close he can get to it without getting in trouble (or minimal trouble). A couple of years ago, he discovered "swear words." Austin asked me if I would just tell him ALL the swear words just so he would know. I laughed and explained that even I probably don't know ALL of the swear words. Without missing a beat, Austin asked if Dad knew all of them. I laughed even harder and told him that Dad probably did know all of them.

Actually, Austin has been very pleasant lately. He has been playing quite well with Macy and has eased up on "Sister Torture" lately. He also finished 1st Grade yesterday. It is hard to believe! He's been coming home with a Computer Coupon pretty consistently the last few weeks. We went to his class's Garden Party on Wednesday night (and in the rush to get a picnic dinner made, all three kids packed up, and hurry out of this house right after piano lessons - I forgot my camera). His class has been learning all about plants and the life-cycle of plants. They've even had Super Spelling Words like photosynthesis and chlorophyll. It's been a fun subject. The Garden Party was the culmination, and it was really fun. Austin did a great job on his little skit. He and three of his classmates wrote a skit on how flowers get food. He was the flower and said, "I'm hungry. I'm going to make me a sandwich." (This is a line from a Veggie Tales movie that Greg says all the time. I thought it was great that he thought to use it in his skit. He's just starting to get better at understand humor and irony.) Anyway...The other kid said, "You can't eat a sandwich. You're a plant. You make your own food." Then, the other kids told him what to do to make his own food. It was adorable! They sang a song about all the parts of plants. He stood there, sang (very animated) and didn't even bother the other kids around him. I seriously watched with tears streaming down my face. This was HUGE for him! Then, the kids (and all their brothers and sisters) made little flowers, decorated their own sunglasses, and dug in the sand for different kinds of seeds. They even had a Watermelon-Seed Spitting Contest. They had some plastic tablecloths taped to the floor with numbers on it. The kids loved seeing how far they could spit. Paige loved eating the left-over watermelon (it was dripping of her chin). It was a very successful evening.

Most of you know that we purchased Austin an alarm clock a few years ago - Not to wake him up, but to keep him in his room. We tell him that he can wake up any time (who knows how early he really gets up most of the time), but he has to stay in his room until 7:00. The "plan" all year long has been that he gets up, makes his bed, gets dressed, and then practices his piano. He has gone through periods when he does pretty good, but most of the time it completely escapes his mind that he has to get dressed (again!!!). Greg has assured me all year that this is just little-boy mentality. So, Thursday morning (second-to-last day of school), Greg and I wake up (about 7:15) to the sounds of "Scooby-Doo" on the piano. He finally got it! He was up, dressed, bed made, and doing his piano (without ANY "reminding" from me or any whining from him). It was amazing! He did the same thing Friday morning. What a success!

I really do love him, and he really does have so many amazing qualities that I greatly admire in him.  A friend of mine observed the other day that he is a very loving person. This is so true! I love you, bud! I'm grateful for all you are and all that you teach me!

One more Austin story:

So, I love little Collette Stapley. He played with her all morning at the Ward BBQ. When we got home from the BBQ, I said, "Austin...I think you should marry Collette." He sighed and said, "Mom! I haven't decided yet." (A few years ago, he was obsessed with figuring out who he was going to marry since we explained that he can't marry Macy, me, or Lisa. But, we told him not to worry because he can pick who he wants.) I know he's only 7 (almost), but I already worry about who he'll end up with. I just think Collette is such a good match for his personality, and they really do have so much fun playing together. I told him just not to rule her out in 20 years. Come to think of it, she'll probably be snatched up by then. He better make it 15 years! :)

Fanciness

The other day, Macy was drawing in her new notepads (that Lisa gave her), and she said, "Look Mom...I drew a picture of Lisa with a plume in her hair." Macy gets her "fancy" talk from "Fancy Nancy." I've advertised this book before because it is one of Macy's all time favorites! It is a darling book where the little girl finds fancy words to describe things and loves everything fancy (from feather boas to fuchsia hair mousse). She decides that her family just doesn't understand her and she "teaches" them how to be fancy. The first few pages read like this:

I love being fancy.

My favorite color is fuchsia.

That's a fancy way of saying purple.

I like to write my name with a pen that has a plume.

That's a fancy way of saying feather.

And I can't wait to learn French because everything

in French sounds fancy.

This is another sample of Macy's most recent artwork. She is getting so much better at adding more details to her drawings. Although, I'm not quite sure why Lisa doesn't have eyelashes, legs, or a nose. Hmmm....  Oh well - Can you really complain when you've got a plume in your hair!?!

On a Lighter Note

My aunt and uncle have the most gorgeous backyard. They have a pond with fish, and they have some ducks that have taken up residence. This year, they have 13 ducklings, and they invited the kids up to see them. Austin and Macy were more intrigued by the swing set and trampoline, but Paige was completely enamored with the fish and ducks. And I got to see my adorable cousins, Annie and Megan, and Annie's adorable little girl, Josie.

It was actually a very frustrating day. It was all because of my expectations. I curled Macy's hair and got them dressed cute so I could take some pictures. I just should have put the camera down and just enjoyed the company of my cousins.  I'm just so stubborn that I get angry instead of just surrendering to ornery and tired kids.  This is how the day really went:

Martian Child

Now that "Dancing with the Stars" is over, I no longer have anything to watch while I fold my eight loads of laundry every Monday night. So, I rented "Martian Child." I absolutely LOVED this movie. I am a huge John Cusack fan, and he is amazing in this movie. Greg went Home Teaching tonight (now that he's Elder's Quorum President, there are no more excuses), so I watched the movie by myself, and I actually got all the laundry folded (minus the socks). One of the metaphors used in the film is baseball. John Cusack's character loves baseball because it is a sport where you only have to get it right 30% of the time. He constantly talks about how you only have to get a hit 3 out of 10 times and you are considered great. If you get it right just a little bit more than that (like 3.2 times), you are considered a Superstar.

For those of you that don't know, I really love baseball. I don't follow it like I used to (we don't have any sports channels and I do have more responsibilities then when I was 17), but there is still nothing like being at a baseball game. I grew up watching my dad play, and we were taught that you ALWAYS root for the Giants and the Red Sox, and NEVER for the Dodgers or the Yankees. Luckily, I married into a "Giants" family. A few years ago, Greg and I went to San Francisco for the weekend with our dads. Greg's dad gets tickets to several games a year, and he graciously flew us all out there. Even though I am 30-something and have my own house, my own husband, and my own kids, there really are no words to describe how much I love sitting at a baseball game next to my dad. He watches it like a player, and it is so much fun for me to watch him watch the game.

Anyway...The metaphor really made me think. As most of you know, I am a Recovering Perfectionist, and I just wish getting it right 3 out of 10 times when it comes to parenting was considered "great." Somehow, when it comes to parenting, I can't even bat .300. I spend most of my evenings lamenting my day with my kids and vowing to do better the next day, but then the next day comes, and I just fall into my same old patterns and attitudes. Why is it so hard for me? I only have three kids, all of whom are "normal," spaced fairly evenly apart, and I can't do it! Why can't I do it? Why does a child have to get yelled at for taking more than 2 minutes to get pajamas on? Why does another child have to get sent to her room for the day for saying "no" to her mother? Why can't I just live in the moment, instead of constantly thinking about what "needs" to be done? Why can't I give them what they need? How come I can't even figure out what they need?

Another main theme of this movie was trying to be "like everybody else" - That is isn't necessarily the ideal. This is something I struggle with on a daily basis. In my "clear-thinking mode" (after the kids have gone to bed or when we are away from them, like on a date or something), I desperately want to help them become the people that they were sent to earth to be. For all I know, they are the more righteous, courageous, creative, and/or vigilant spirits. But, they also have to learn certain things to succeed in this life. I can't seem to find a balance between teaching them to be responsible adults and letting them be their own, individual people who learn and develop at their own pace. I think I'm a pretty good mom for all the "business" things: I do make dinner almost every night, homework gets done, kids get driven to lessons, the floors get vacuumed (occasionally); I feel like I am completely failing at the mom stuff that really matters: Truly connecting with my children, listening to them, just being with them (even if they are bouncing through the house like a Velociraptor), naturally teaching them what I believe through example instead of threatening, bribing, or scaring them into "learning." I feel so much pressure for them to act certain ways and be able to do certain things.

I am at my wits end with Macy. Her behavior is downright embarrassing. I feel like I have to constantly apologize to her church teachers and her friend's parents. She constantly says snotty things, she throws a fit whenever she is asked to do ANYTHING - even the simplest request is met with whines and excuses, she doesn't speak nicely to her friends, and she completely ignores anything that comes out of my mouth. She has turned into such a brat. And I created it! I don't know how, but I did. And Austin just completely dumbfounds me. He has this look when he's pushed and pushed and pushed and it finally goes too far (this happens several times a day). He looks like a little puppy dog who is pouting - and it isn't adorable! We are reading the most darling book together, and there is naturally "evil" versus "good." You should see the way his eyes perk up when the evil rat is speaking. It's like he's taking it in and learning from this evil rat in this adorable children's novel. Why? Why does he spend most of his energy trying to figure out how much he can get away with, and how he can hide all the naughty things that he's done? Paige is still adorable, but I know that one day she'll be just like this, and I am so sad that I don't know how to teach her differently - that I don't know how not to make the same mistakes I made with the other two.

The thing that frustrates me the most is that these aren't even "real" problems, and I still can't handle it. A lot of you are probably thinking, "Yeah...We have kids, too. We know what you're talking about." But, most evenings I just feel complete despair. I feel like I'm completely failing. It is almost impossible for me to look back on my day and recognize something that I did to positively impact my children (except for clean toilet seats). Why can't I laugh more? Why can't I just let things go!?! Why can't I let my children see who I really am, instead of "mom"? Greg has been editing videos and we've been watching snippets from when Austin and Macy were babies. I wish you could have seen me! I was such a good, fun, loving mom when Austin was a baby and toddler. I was excited for the day, and I was completely smitten with this little guy. I woke up with great anticipation to see what he would do or say that day. I had energy, and I wasn't afraid of what the day would bring. What happened to that person?

Sorry for the sob story. You are all probably sick of reading posts like this. I know that I am certainly sick of writing them. I'm just really struggling with this parenting thing, and it is just going to get more difficult. I'm just so frustrated and embarrassed. Even though they don't mean it, I can see the look of utter disappointment on my parent's faces when I "lose it" and I see that look on Greg's face, too. It breaks my heart. I'm not the kind of person that I want to be (and I might be a little premenstrual - don't you think!?!).

Austin and ALPS

Beware of the following ramblings. I've already talked this out with a lot of you, but I just wanted to get it down "on paper" and out of my head.

This has been so hard, but we've decided to put Austin in ALPS next year and take him out of Entheos. I've struggled with this decision on so many levels. At first, I thought that I couldn't take him out of the Charter School just because I've worked SO hard on it, and my pride was getting in the way. Then, I had all the people that told me that he shouldn't go to the Charter School in the first place that got stuck in my head. Again...A pride issue. I couldn't let them be right, and have me be wrong. But, luckily, those superficial and selfish thoughts only lasted a short time. What it boiled down to was what was right for Austin - not me.

It all started last Fall when we were really struggling with school. His teacher was calling home nearly every day and he was getting sent home A LOT. I was like a crazy lady, sobbing in the Principal's office. I was desperate for anything!!! So, I signed him up to take the test to get into the ALPS program, and I paid the fee - knowing virtually nothing about the program and even less about the test.

Things did improve at school, but I took him to take the test in February because we'd paid for it already. I about died when we got to the test. First of all, there were two slots available for all of the 2nd Grade in the "West-side Jordan District" (don't get me started on that subject - it makes me downright crazy). Anyway...They stuck him in one of two rooms that were full of 2nd Grade testers. I would guess that there were easily 45 kids testing in 2nd Grade alone. For three hours, he sat with the SAT test normally given to current 2nd graders. When I asked him about it, he said that you were just supposed to read some stuff and then answer some questions about it. He said that he had to fill in little circles. I also asked if the ladies in the room helped him, but he said, "No. You just have to do it by yourself." We did this for two Saturday's, and I was convinced that he would fail miserably. Not that I didn't believe in his aptitude, but he had NEVER taken a test like that in his life, and he honestly wasn't doing that great at tests in his current class.

Apparently...He passed the test with flying colors. They combined the SAT test scores, with a teacher evaluation (which he didn't do that great on), and a personal evaluation (he actually scored himself lower than average which surprised me greatly) to come up with an overall score. I'm not exactly sure how they come up with the score, but the kids needed a score of 50 to get into the program, and Austin came out with a 63. Nobody was more shocked than me.

Then the prayers and fasting began. I'm really sad that he's leaving Entheos because I truly believe in that school and Expeditionary Learning. It is just amazing! And they are making some changes in the Administration and programs that are just so impressive and exciting. But...What it really boiled down to was that it wasn't working for Austin. I really felt like it was the answer several years ago, but I guess now we have a different path for a while. I just want him to live up to his potential and get the most out of school.

He's really sad that he's leaving Entheos, too. He sobbed when he found out, and we still haven't told him our final decision. He has always loved going to school. It's such a dichotomy: He is extremely social and thrives on social experiences, but he really loses control of his impulses when he's around other kids his age. It's a big problem.

Austin really drains me. I love him to pieces, but he is extremely exhausting for me. It makes me so sad that I feel this way. I just could not endure another school year like this one. It was just too hard on me (and him). He would say his prayers at night and ask Heavenly Father to help him not be such a "bad boy." That just breaks my heart. I don't know if I believe that any 6-year-old is "bad." I feel at peace with our decision, and I hope he thrives in this situation. It is so easy for me to forget all the amazing aspects of Austin's character, but he really is such a unique child and has been since birth. He is definitely his own spirit who marches to the beat of his own drum. He is NOT a people pleaser. I actually admire this in him seeing as I've spent most of my adult life trying to come to grips with the fact that it is impossible for me to please EVERYONE. If Austin is going to do something, he has to do it for his own, intrinsic reason. Greg was editing videos and there was a video from Easter when Austin was four. The Easter Bunny left a note explaining that if Austin and Macy wanted to find their Easter baskets and learn more about Jesus, they had to follow the clues. He read the entire note by himself! He read words like "learn" at four - with relative ease!?! This really is a gift of his, and I am hoping and praying that this new teacher and program can help him.

Blogger Question

How do I make it so when I view my comments it doesn't take me to a new window?  Some of you have it so the comment box pops up in addition to the web window.  How do I set that up?  Does this even make sense?

What Are Little Girls Made Of?

What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice,

And everything nice,

That's what little girls are made of.

...Yeah right!?!

In the beginning: Dirt

Hmmm...I think the dirt would look better all over the porch instead of packed nicely inside of these pots. Come to think of it, I am a little hungry, I'll just have one bite.

Okay, Okay...I'll spit it out!Hmmm...Someone left a cup of water sitting on this step. I am a bit thirsty.Wait a minute...I don't know how to drink out of a cup yet.  Oops!  In the end: Mud

Playlist.com

Last night, Greg said, "Please don't put music on your blog. I'll just turn it off." Sorry, honey. But, I've been wanting to add music for a long time. Anyway...I started one today (in my attempt to avoid ALL the housework and weeding that needs to get done), and I realized how strange it is. I put songs on that mean something to me, and it turned out to be a very bizarre compilation.

"Me and You" was sung at our wedding, and "To Make You Feel My Love" and "The Promise" were on our wedding video. Neither of us listen to that much country music, so I'm not really sure how we ended up with a country wedding. Erasure reminds me of my best friend from high school, Angie - she loved Erasure. I remember the day that her brother left for his mission because she was assigned to take care of his music collection while he was gone. We listened to Erasure in her bedroom for hours! I had to include ABBA (I could have included the entire album because I love ABBA). My first apartment in college was a basement apartment. We had a pretty big kitchen that didn't have any windows. We would turn up ABBA and dance and sing while we cooked or cleaned. That kitchen had the best acoustics. I danced with my dad to "In My Life" by the Beatles at our wedding. I am in love with Josh Groban (Greg is okay with this), and after I had Macy, Greg got me the album and set up a bubble bath for some "me-time." He put the CD on with candles and shut the door. He took care of the kids while I enjoyed my bath with Josh. :) Barenaked Ladies takes me back to the Bar-T-Five office with Marianne. We had some great times! Remember Brooke's first kiss that lasted a "really long time" - like 10 seconds! "You Are My Sunshine" is for Macy. I've sung "Over the Rainbow" to all my babies to get them to sleep. My dad has sung "Sweet Baby James" and "Brown Eyed Girl" to us for as long as I can remember. When I lived in New York, I lived in a beach house during the summer. There were TONS of beach parties that summer, and Van Morrison was the favorite. That song always puts me back on the beach. Whenever I hear Linda Eder, I remember the time I saw her on Broadway - incredible! It makes me think of all those wonderfully cheesy Broadway shows that I LOVE! When I heard "Your Song" shortly after Austin was born, I sobbed (even though I'd heard that song a thousand times before). When I heard "Ordinary Miracle" shortly after Paige was born, I sobbed. I've also stolen some of my favorite new songs off of all of your blogs. Whenever I hear certain songs, I think of all of you.

Writing all of this reminds me of several songs that I'll have to add. So...I apologize if you have turn the sound off when you visit my blog, but these songs are great memories for me!

Family Bonding

On Monday night, we all went over to my Grandma Shaffer's house to help her with her yard. She has really struggled with her health the last few years, and has lost a TON of weight. She can't seem to keep any food inside her. She lives in South Salt Lake, and she is still living in the house that my dad grew up in. She just isn't able to take care of her yard anymore. So, my dad organized "a crew" (that is what he told her), and we all met at her house for Family Night.

Grandma with Austin (a few years ago):I'd be lying if I said that we all enthusiastically showed up (there was minor griping), but it really turned out to be a lot of fun. The kids played with Grandma and ate dirt (okay, that was only Paige), and my brother-in-law brought some music. So, we weeded, trimmed, and mowed to the tunes of Elvis and Johnny Cash. The kids loved it! They all danced in the driveway for hours. We finished up in the front yard and ended up playing games. We started by teaching Macy and Austin Red Rover. After a few minutes, a crowd accumulated. So, we invited them to play with us. That game ended when Macy got hurt (I think it was more her feelings than her wrist), so we started playing Colored Eggs. I had forgotten that Red Rover always ends in tears (and usually a broken limb).
It: Knock, Knock...
Kids (sitting on the porch): Who's there?
It: Big Bad Wolf
Kids: What do you want? (Unless you're Macy, she said, "Big Bad Wolf, who?")
It: Colored eggs
Kids: What color?
Then, the "It" calls out a color. If it is the color that the kid is thinking of, they start running to the bucket on the other side of the yard. If "It" tags the child before they get to the bucket, the child becomes "It." Everyone had a blast! We ended with my mom handing out ice cream sandwiches and Strawberry Creamies.

This is a picture of Lisa, Alexie, and myself when we were little at Grandma Shaffer's house. We loved putting clothespins on our skirts and dancing around the backyard. We also loved hanging from the clothesline posts because it turned our hands silver. We would beg, and beg, and beg my dad to lift us up to hold onto the clothesline post and then try to see who could hold on the longest. While the kids were playing, I was holding Paige, who thinks it is hilarious to make a B-Line for the street as soon as she walks outside. Anyway, my dad was telling us some great stories from his childhood. He said that when he was a kid, they would get all the kids together and play baseball in the street. His neighbor's father threw some paint in the street, so that became home plate. A sprinkler head in the neighbor's yard across the street became first base. The manhole was second base. The utility box in my dad's yard was third base. If you hit the ball over the light post, it was an automatic home run. He also pointed out the bedroom window in the house across the street that was replaced several times due to baseball practice. He told us stories of tons of kids playing tag, and the occasional disagreement. It was fun to hear all of his stories.

Some pictures of my dad when he was young:

P.S. I Love You

My sister, Madeline, rented this movie last week and she and my mom watched it together. My mom said she sobbed all the way through it (not unusual for her). My sister, Lisa, borrowed it and watched it, and she sobbed all the way through it (very unusual for her). So, last night, I watched it while Greg played on the computer. I sobbed all the way through it. I thought it was a pretty good, chick-flick rental. Consider yourself warned: You'll need tissue.

Mother's Day

I'm reading this new parenting book called, "The Parenting Breakthrough" by Merrilee Boyack. It is all about training our kids to be responsible adults. In the first chapter, the author asks the reader to think back to the first time when they left home and consider all of the things that you didn't know how to do. You know what - I couldn't think of very many. My mom (and dad) did a great job at "training" me. Although I wasn't a great cook, I knew that I wouldn't starve. I could confidently do my laundry, pay bills, find a job, clean the bathroom, go grocery shopping, make my own doctor's appointments, drive a stick-shift, etc. And anything they didn't teach me, I felt confident that I could figure it out. Near the end of high school, my dad showed me how to apply for a credit card and explained how it was important to build good credit. He showed me how to research all of the different ones to find one that would serve me the best. He explained how credit cards worked: You put stuff on the credit card all month and then when the bill comes, you pay it. He explained how you never charge more than you know you can pay. It was years before I even realized that you didn't HAVE to pay it off entirely. Very funny! I do remember living in New York as a Nanny, and my employers gave me a car to use. I didn't know that you had to check the oil. They were a little irritated with me, but I just didn't know. That is really the one incident that I can remember.

Seriously...My parents did a great job at teaching me everything I needed to know, and were very patient with me as they watched me experiment and make mistakes. I remember one time (I was probably about 10 or 11) when my sister, Lisa, and I had to go to our softball game but our uniforms weren't clean and my mom wasn't home. We decided we would do it ourselves. I distinctly remember the soap oozing out of the washing machine. We ran and got our neighbor to help us. It was a complete disaster, but a mistake that you only make once. That day, we not only learned how much detergent to put in the washing machine, but also how to clean up a flooded laundry room.

My mom is an incredible woman! As I look back on my childhood, I remember her as very busy, but always there for us. I remember holding Austin for the first time, with my mom right next to me, and I was just completely overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed with how much I instantly loved him. I had never felt love like that. But, I was also overwhelmed because I realized that someone else loved me that perfectly. I always felt like my parents loved me, but I never understood how completely and how unselfishly they loved and served me. As a mom, I am even more acutely aware of everything that my mom did (and continues to do) for me. She is my best example of how to love and serve. She definitely deserves a day (or several of them) when we all gush over her and tell her that she is amazing, wonderful, loving, kind, giving, and patient.

Yesterday was my first guilt-free Mother's Day. I decided that I wasn't going to focus on the myriad of things that I'm doing wrong or not doing, and just let myself enjoy the day. It was very pleasant. My wonderful sister, Lisa, cooked breakfast for all of us. She was very daring and tried three new recipes, but it was incredible and so yummy! I'll have to have her post the recipes on her blog. Then, we visited Grandma Shaffer and Grandma Schow. As a result, we were a little late to church. The kids sang in Sacrament Meeting. We sat on the very last row, and when it was time for the kids to sing, Macy looked at me and asked, "Is it time to go?" I said, "Yes, but be very reverent." So, with arms folded she walked up and right out the door. I ran after her and apparently she thought it was time for church to be over (wishful thinking), but I explained that it was time for her to go up to the stand and sing. Honestly...that girl is hilarious! After church, Greg helped plan a BBQ and I went over to Melva's for some waxing. Overall, it was a great day! Greg completely spoiled me with a new computer! We generally aren't this extravagant with gifts, but I won't complain. When I said, "Thank you," Greg said that I should thank George W. Bush. :)

It seems like we go through cycles at our house, and we are currently in a very whiny cycle. I feel like I'm not doing anything right as a mother, and that my kids are just spoiled rotten little stinkers who constantly argue with me over every little thing. That's why I'm reading a new parenting book - because I feel like I'm at a loss (again!). I just hope and pray (a lot) that we aren't messing up these kids too badly. My instinct is to have more rules and be more strict, but I know that isn't the answer. I am trying to let little things go that irritate me but don't do any real damage, and love and laugh and SLOW DOWN and focus on the positive aspects of their behavior. I'm trying to cherish these moments, and enjoy the stage that we are in at the moment. Austin and Macy were so excited to give me the little gifts they made at school, and they all climbed on the bed with me Saturday morning to help me eat my breakfast. Macy kept telling me that she had a surprise for me for Thanksgiving Day. Then, Austin climbed under the covers with me and we read a few chapters of our book. It was so pleasant.

Although I still feel like a fish out of water, I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with these children. I'm grateful to Greg for being such an amazing husband and truly walking beside me as we take on parenthood. I'm grateful for Austin, Macy, and Paige for being so patient with me as I learn and grow. I'm grateful to all the women in my life who I lean on more than they will ever know. I have been so blessed to be surrounded by so many incredible examples. Thank you to all of you!

There's Just Something About Date Night

I guess Greg and I don't get out enough - just the two of us - because there's just something about date night that makes me feel goofy and a little frisky. Maybe it's just the fact that I don't have to be the "parent." We had a real wild night last night! We put our kids to bed (exciting already) and had Josh come over while we went to the 8:20 showing of Iron Man. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I didn't know that it was a superhero movie. All I knew was that it was getting really good reviews. I really liked it. It was very well done. Although I don't understand why people take small children to adult movies. I'm not talking infants, I'm talking toddlers and preschoolers. It was quite violent, and there was some brief sex. I just don't get it.

Anyway...on the way out of the theater, we were acting a little silly. I told Greg that I thought he should give me a piggyback ride to the car. Surprisingly, he lifted me up on his back. Feeling like I was 21 again, I was kissing his neck and we were laughing. Greg said, "If somebody saw us right now, they would have no idea that we were married." Then, we reached the car and he said, "Until we got into that damn minivan." I thought it was so funny, and I had a really good laugh at his expense! He's such a good sport to put aside his real wishes ("Every real man has a truck." - How many times have I heard that!) for the sake of what is best for our family. He does it A LOT (we both do). It makes me love him even more!

I'm Not Proud of It, but...

Sometimes I just have to completely lose it in order to snap my kids out of awful behavior. Macy has been making me crazy the past few days. She breaks down and whines or cries at the drop of a hat, and she seems to have forgotten all of her manners. Yesterday, she actually threw herself on the floor and sobbed when Greg left for work. Hello! He's left every morning for the past four years. Why throw the fit now? The only thing that got her out of it was when I asked if she wanted to go to Tanner's house. And she demands me around the house. I want this...I need that right now. I've tried to be so patient and calmly let her know that I will be happy to help when she remembers her manners. The other day, she could not remember what word to use when asking for something. When I said, "How do you ask?" She actually tried three or four different ways - none of which included "the magic word."

Last night was the breaking point. After a very emotional day, I took her to get her a haircut. We stopped at Sam's Club on the way home. We met Jen, who let me use her card to get some knives that my mom wants for Mother's Day. She cried because she didn't want to get out of the car. So, I carried her in. She cried when we left because she wanted to go with Jen. She cried when we got in the car because her balloon was buckled in the seat belt. I had enough! I pulled over, grabbed a pen, and popped her balloon. I told her I was sick and tired of her behavior, and I wasn't going to put up with it anymore. Greg asked if I apologized, and I said, "no" because I'm not sorry.

*At this point you're probably thinking, "Well...I definitely know where she gets her emotional outbursts." It's true! But...you know what...she's been remarkably better ever since! She even suddenly remembered to say "please" when she wanted a drink this morning. And I did apologize for popping her balloon. I still love you to pieces!

So Dumb

Okay...so my doctor called last week and told me I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which is in the same viral strain as Mono...and I feel so dumb. The nurse actually called, and I took the call during a piano lesson, so I was just really quick about it. My first reaction was to just ignore it (which is generally my first reaction to most medical issues). I didn't even tell Greg for a few days. I really wanted to ignore it because the parents of a friend of mine in High School got this, and they were practically debilitated. They really couldn't function. The father couldn't even work, and they couldn't take care of their home or cook dinner or take care of their kids or anything. It was really strange, and my first reaction was that absolutely can't happen to me (so I'll just ignore it)!

I've been feeling so tired and irritable lately. I kind of feel like I still have a two-month-old - exhausted and emotional. Paige started really sleeping through the night last August, but I still haven't recovered. Anyway...I was at the doctor last week and told him about this, so he did some blood work. I really didn't think they would find anything, but these are the results. It's just very weird. Since it's viral, there really isn't anything they can do about it. The nurse sent me some paperwork, and I'm supposed to stop smoking, stop drinking, eat healthy, and exercise. That isn't extremely helpful. Although I'm not a health freak, and I know I could be healthier, I think I do a pretty good job (except for my sweet tooth). When I told Greg, he just groaned. He thinks we already eat too healthy; the prospect of me cooking even more healthy worries him.

So, I guess I'll just go back to my first reaction - ignore it! I've actually caught myself being more patient with my kids, and a little less irritable, simply because I can't let this be my excuse. (Did I mention my extreme stubbornness!).

Paige - 14 Months Already!!!

Are you kidding me?!? Where has the time gone?!? This little girl is the light of my life every day. (I really do love ALL my kids, but there is just something magical about this age that I just LOVE. When Austin and Macy were this age, I loved every second of it as well.)

She is a little monkey, though. We officially do not own a pencil that still has an eraser. She is obsessed with gnawing off erasers. She also has this little obsession with sitting. She loves to sit...on our laps (she backs up into us), on her little booster chair (we just keep it on the floor) or step stools, and inside cupboards. All of my kitchen and bathroom cupboards are open and cleaned out so she can sit inside. It is hilarious! She also loves to "read." Her favorite is to get a book, sit on a stool, and thumb through the pages. Sometimes, she even babbles. Paige gets so excited to see anybody. You should see the production when Daddy gets home from work. She squeals, "Da, Da" and runs to him with her arms up giggling the whole way. She has the same reaction to Austin and Macy in the morning. She LOVES dogs and is always carrying a stuffed animal around the house, barking. It doesn't matter if it is tiger, bear, or dog - she barks.

Paige is officially off the bottle, but still calls her sippy cup a "ba ba." She is my best eater! She is always hungry and every time she sees food, she holds out her hand and says, "Mo" (she thinks "more" is the way to ask for anything). She has a sixth sense for recognizing when chocolate is in the vicinity. Yesterday, she snuck into the treats for my piano students and gnawed her way through two Rolo packages. Greg found her with chocolate around her mouth and a package in each hand.

She loves to gives "loves" (cuddles) and kisses. Whenever we walk into her room, and she knows its time to go to sleep, she immediately puts her head on my shoulder and starts "singing" in order to put off getting in her crib. She's a smart one - and it works! Did I mention that she loves to sing and dance. I just love her eyes. I love how big they get when she's figured something out, or hears some music or a dog barking. What a privilege it is for me to get to watch her grow and learn. I love it!