A Promise To My Daughter's Generation

I vow to remember what it was like to have young children.  When I see you with your little ones, I will not judge you.  I will remember how I felt and empathize with you.

• I will enjoy hearing the constant sea of little voices (and occasional screams and cries) in Sacrament Meeting because it means that these children are in a place where the Spirit dwells.  You are where you are supposed to be, even though it may not be easy every week, but you are giving your children the opportunity to feel of the Holy Spirit.  
• I will remember what it is like to have a baby skip a nap in order for the family to attend church together.  I will remember that to a mother with a tired and hungry baby, 3 hours can easily feel like a hundred.  
• I will smile to myself as I hear you remind your little ones, maybe 50 times over the course of a Sacrament Meeting, to whisper in the chapel or to fold their arms during a prayer.  I will know that you are trying your best to teach them how to act in a sacred place, and that one day, they will get it.
• I will remember that we ALL have bad days - including children.  We all "wake up on the wrong side of the bed" occasionally.
• I will remember that children will most likely not remember one specific lesson from Primary or even Family Home Evening.  What they will remember is whether or not they felt loved and accepted (and maybe a few Primary songs).
• I will remember the feelings of inadequacy...constant inadequacy.  I will remember that children do not come with an instruction manual, and every child is different.  I will remember that you doubt yourself enough and you don't need other people to doubt you as well.  I will remember that you feel enough competition from other women your age and you do not need older women judging you.
• I will see your eyes tear up while singing a hymn or reading a story and remember the emotional roller coaster of your life.  I will remember that you want so badly to be the perfect mother, but your "human," imperfect side keeps getting in the way.  I will remember the overwhelming desire to be the best mother that you can be, only to realize that you will inevitably fall short.  I will be there to share in your frustration but point out your strengths.  
• I will never say "In my day, children never/always..." or "Kids these days..."  Because the truth is that my children probably did do everything your children are doing, and I probably did them when I was young, and my parents probably did them when they were young.  I have already found that Father Time is merciful.  Already, I tend to remember the good (mostly) and forget the bad (mostly).  So, even though I may not remember every specific incident, I think kids in every generation need to make mistakes so they can then learn from them.  
• I will remember that you have divine stewardship over your children.  You are the ones that can receive inspiration on their behalf.  You have strong, faithful, intelligent spirits and you will figure out what is best for each of your children.
• I will remember that there are several different ways to raise children, and just because your approach is different than mine it doesn't mean that it is wrong.
• I will remember how time plays tricks on you.  How the day-to-day doldrums of motherhood can seem exhausting and never-ending, yet at the same time you are watching your children grow up so fast that you wonder where the time has gone. 
•  I will remember that we are all Daughters of our Heavenly Father.  I will remember that women need other women.  I will remember the women of the "previous generation" that loved me, encouraged me, accepted me, supported me, helped me, and (most importantly) inspired me when I was a young mother.  I will try my very best to do that for you as well.    

For The Love of Shoes

Okay, I am generally against hosting "parties" in my home.  I don't ever want people to feel "pressured" into anything.  So, I am having a shoe party next Monday (I won't post all the details here because I don't want everyone on the Internet to know my address, but if you didn't get an invite and want to come, just email me or give me a call).  This is VERY DIFFERENT than any other party I've ever been to, so I thought I would give you some information.

• There is no "sales presentation."  These wonderful ladies come and set up a shoe display in my living room, and we sit around talking and eating yummies while picking out shoes.  The wonderful ladies then go out to their giant, mobile shoe store parked in the driveway and get us the sizes we need.  Next, we try shoes on to our hearts content, do a little catwalk modeling, and if we like them, we buy them and TAKE THEM HOME THAT NIGHT!  It's amazing!
• The prices are very reasonable.  I would say that they are comparable to Payless prices.  And they do have some kids shoes.
• They assured me that they would have their boots in stock by November.  
• Please don't feel pressure to buy anything!  Although it is Christmas, and if you want/need shoes, you can just do what my mom does: She purchases her own presents, brings the bags/boxes home, and then instructs my dad to wrap them and put them under the tree.  She is brilliant!  Occasionally, she'll wear one of her "presents" to a Christmas party and then wrap it up for Christmas morning.  

I know the party is on Monday night (I booked it three months ago and this was all they had open until after Christmas), so please stop by after Family Home Evening if you want.  Even if you don't buy anything, just come and visit for a few minutes.  I would love to see you!

It's Just "Stuff" - Right!?!

It's just "stuff", right!?!...Stuff can be replaced...There's no need to take your son's life over stuff...right!?!  Money is just money...Not a big deal...right!?!

These pictures don't do it justice.  I ruined an entire load of laundry yesterday.  Technically, the black dry erase marker that Austin had in his pocket ruined an entire load of laundry yesterday.  That's right!  I tried everything I could think of to get it out, but it was already set.  After the third run-through, and none of the ink had even faded, I decided it was time to just let it go.  Nothing was spared.  The damage included, but was definitely not limited to: All of Austin's school pants (except the ones he wore that day), every outfit Paige wore the past week (I shed some tears over a cute pink skirt and a soft-pink horse outfit), a shirt and pair of pants that Macy had worn once, a Sunday dress, along with several pair of pajamas & underwear (which we kept because it doesn't matter if you have ink all over you when you are asleep or if you are wearing it under your clothes).

Greg was amazing and reminded me that we can replace everything.  He was good to laugh and not get mad at me (or Austin).  Shockingly, I didn't even yell at Austin.  I just explained that we need to be more careful about checking pockets - both he and I.  Probably the main reason I didn't get angry is because I felt like I should check his pockets when I was putting the load in.  I checked a few, and there was nothing in them, so I got lazy and rushed to just "get it done."  I've been praying that I will be more in tune with the Spirit and recognize the voice of the Holy Ghost.  Well, if I can't even listen when He tells me about laundry, how am I going to listen when someone really needs some help!  Guilt and frustration!  

It was an awfully expensive lesson as I replaced about $150 worth of clothes today (a lot of clothes that they have only been wearing for about a month).  That sounds like I went crazy on the spending, but everything I bought was on sale.  There were several pair of pants in that load (which generally cost more than shirts), and since it was mainly kids clothes (Greg and I both lost only one shirt each), the clothing was smaller and there were a TON of pieces of clothing in that load.  Seriously, it was almost all of the clothes that all three kids wore the entire week.  That is expensive!  Arghhh!

Deep breath...Moving on...

All on a Sunday Ride to Grandma's House

Austin:

"Mom, I've been thinking about building some jet packs so we don't even have to use cars anymore."

Excellent Idea!

Macy:

"Mom, somebody at school told me about a Booger Guy."

Me: A Booger Guy?  What on earth is she talking about?

Greg (laughing):  "You mean the 'Boogie Man'?"

Macy: "Yeah, that's what I said - the Boogie Man.  But I don't believe them.  I think that guy is just betend." 

Austin

Austin is struggling...again.  This is the story of my life: Austin does well for while and then he has a hard time functioning in every aspect of his life: school, home, sleep, friends, eating, etc.  It is a roller coaster ride with him.  I guess we are now in the middle of one of the slow, tedious, uphill battles again.  I find myself more exhausted than usual, questioning every aspect of our parenting and past decisions with him, and extremely frustrated with limited patience.

So, I thought I would share one of his strengths today: The ability to look past outer appearances.  He simply doesn't see people based on size, shape, color, age, etc.  He has always been like this, and I assumed that he would grow out of it.  But, so far, he continues to have the amazing ability to see people simply as people.  It really is incredible, and I wish I had this ability.  

Most of the time it is a good thing.  He can walk into a retirement center and pass out hugs - not noticing goiters, wheelchairs, lack of teeth, etc.  He can make friends with anyone.  He can talk to anyone - the checkout lady at the grocery store, a new kid at the playground, a stranger at the movie theater.  Sometimes, it is not such a good thing.  For instance, I think he would trust anyone and go with anyone - even people with not so good intentions.  He also came home from Kindergarten one day and pronounced that he no longer had to ride in a booster seat (this was before the recent Utah seat belt laws).  I asked him why, and he explained that Jayden, in his class, doesn't have to ride in one and they are both five years old.  This is all true information.  Except that Jayden is easily a head taller than him, and has at least a solid 30 pounds on him.  Austin doesn't see it!

Last Friday, I was substituting at his school.  My class had recess the same time that his class had recess.  So, I walk outside in 36 degree weather, and the first thing I see is Austin in his short-sleeved shirt playing Four Square with 6th graders (have I mentioned that Four Square is his latest passion).  Here is my thought process:

1. I'm sure he's learning some very colorful words from those kids.  (How embarrassing that this was my first thought.  And I always assumed I was an optimist.  Jeez!)
2. (I continued watching from a distance and quickly repented of my first thought.)  Wow!  How incredible are those 6th Graders to let two 2nd Graders into their game.  Seriously, they must be really nice kids.
3. Austin is doing really well.  He is getting out a lot (6th Graders have the obvious advantage) and he is being a really good sport about it.  He gets out, goes to the back of the line, and avidly watches the game.
4. He must be really brave to ask 6th Graders to join their game.  I don't think I would have done that at his age.  I remember being on the playground and being terrified of the older kids.  He simply doesn't see age.  

Isn't that a great story!

Happy Birthday Mom

Today, my mom is 53, and as my dad would say, "Smokin' Hot." 

Favorite Foods: Salmon Fish & Chips, Eggplant Parmesan, Cafe Rio Pork Salad 

Favorite Desserts: Cream Cheese Pumpkin Pie, Chocolate Cake with Raspberry Filling from Schmidts Bakery, Chocolate Lasagna from Olive Garden (discontinued, but if you order a birthday cake, you get a smaller version that tastes almost as fabulous)

Favorite Movies: Hook, O Brother Where Art Thou, Young Frankenstein, The Great Race

Favorite Vacation Spot: Hawaii

Favorite Childhood Memories: 

• One year, they saved their money in quart jars all Winter long (they cut a hole in the lid and taped the lid down so they couldn't open it) and went to Disneyland with that money.
• When she was 12 her Dad rented a boat and they went to Flaming Gorge.  This was the first time that she skied, and it has been a life-long passion ever since.
• She loved camping at Lake Powell.
• When she was really young, Aunt Helen always had breakfast on Christmas morning and it seemed like there were tons of people.
• They went to Escalante every Thanksgiving.  They would make their beds in the station wagon (Ah, the days before seatbelt laws), and they would leave around 3 in the morning.  She remembers waking up watching the sunrise from their station wagon beds.  One year, they ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere.  She remembers her dad walking around the corner and walking back about 20 minutes later.  I guess someone saw them on the side of the road, stopped, and they just happened to have a gas can full of gas in their car.  They gave it to her dad and it was enough to make it to the next gas station.  
• She remembers picnics at Aunt Vivian's house in the summer.
  

Favorite Places to Shop: Gardner Village (especially the quilt shop), bookstores

Favorite Thing in the World: Having her family over for Sunday Dinner.  Having her grandchildren run around the house and hear their happy screams and laughter.  (She assures me that one day I will cherish the chaos as well.)

Least Favorite Thing To Do:  Dishes and clean the baseboards

One Item on Her List of "Things To Do Before I Die": Sky Dive

Big Birthday Wish: A new bedroom set

If She Had a Million Dollars (with inflation, it's probably more like 5 Million): She would go to Lake Powell (on a decked-out houseboat) every summer and Hawaii every winter.  She said she would take us with her.  Thanks, Mom.  One day, I hope you win the lottery!  I can think of nothing I would like better than to spend the summer on a Utah beach and the winter on a Kauai beach - with you!

I sure do love you!  And my kids would erect a statue to you in the front yard if we would let them.  It would probably be pink (Macy's favorite color) with every child packed tightly on your lap.  You would most likely be reading them a story and sneaking them chocolate milk in baby bottles.  Happy Birthday!

Serious Business

Macy got the privilege of "shopping" at Gardner Village with the girls last Saturday (myself, my sister, and my mom).  We mainly window-shopped, but she seemed to have fun.  We went into one store and they had a bunch of sayings on cute, decorated plaques.  One of the plaques said something to the effect: "This year, let's be naughty and save Santa the trip."  I laughed and read it to Macy.  She didn't get it.  I said, "If we're naughty then Santa won't come to our house."  She still didn't get it.  So I added, "It's supposed to be funny."  Macy said, "That is not funny."  Discussion over.  

Christmas Ideas - I Need Your Help!!!

Let's start with a story, shall we:

Back in the late 80s, I was a HUGE Lakers fan.  Back in the days of Magic Johnson, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, AC Green, James Worthy, Byron Scott, and Pat Riley - of course.  I was young enough not to know about all the "moral corruption" surrounding that team, and I just loved watching them.  Christmas 1988 - I was eleven years old.  Christmas that year was on a Sunday, and I remember that my parents let us open one present before church.  I opened a box containing two tickets to the Jazz-Lakers game.  Actually, I opened the huge box and it didn't look like there was anything in it.  You should have seen my dad rip that package apart looking for the pricey tickets (they were hiding in the fold of the box).  

That was also the year that Gavin (one brother surrounded by four sisters) opened Alexie's Christmas dress and he started sobbing, "Santa doesn't even know I'm a boy."  I guess Santa's workshop ran into some labeling snags that year.  But I digress...

I remember going to that game (in the Salt Palace - remember when) with my dad and how much fun I had.  I wore a Lakers t-shirt I got for Christmas, and I sat by a woman who was also a big Lakers fan.  The more beers she had, the more of Laker's fan she became, but it was still fun.  I don't remember many of the "things" I got for Christmas over the years, but I will always remember being with my dad, at that game, in that "intimate" arena.

So, this year, I got Austin tickets to "Walking With Dinosaurs" hoping that he will also cherish the memory just like I did when I was younger.  The show is coming in January, and I actually got the tickets for my birthday so we can have a fun "Birthday Date." 

Here's where I need your help:

When I bought the tickets, I looked at the website under "Merchandise" to find something fun to get him and put the tickets inside.  I found a "Paleontologist Bag" complete with the logo, pencils, paper, etc.  It was $20, so I thought it would be fun to put the tickets inside one of the pockets.  I went to buy the bag a couple of weeks ago, and guess how much shipping costs?  

Just guess.

Do you have your guess?

That's right - $15!!!  Hello!  Suddenly a 20 dollar bag turned into a 35 dollar bag!  I did not buy it.  So, does anyone have any creative, relatively inexpensive ideas on how I can "wrap" these tickets on Christmas morning?!?  Please dig deep into your creative registry because I can't think of anything.  Thanks!

Love Notes Come In Every Shape and Size

Growing up, Saturday was always "Wash Your Linens Day" at our house.  We would rip our sheets off our bed, take them to the laundry room, and my parents would wash them throughout the day, then give them back to us to put them back on the bed.  Before you think I was "too spoiled," I did my own laundry starting when I was about 10 (my mom taught us after Lisa and I flooded the laundry room attempting to wash our softball uniforms for picture day - but that's another story) but I think it was just easier for them to do all the sheets at the same time.  

I was a very busy teenager - which was good.  I was gone most weekend nights - out with friends, work (yes, I did work all through High School), choir performances, football games, basketball games, doing plays, homework, etc.  Sometimes I would leave before my sheets were done.  Usually, I came home to find them in a pile on top of my bed.  I have to admit that there were nights that I threw them on the floor and just slept on the mattress with a blanket.  Most of the time I sleepily made my bed and then fell into it.  

Occasionally, on magical nights, I would come home late, walk downstairs and realize to my horror that it was linen day, contemplating if I should take the time to make the bed or just sleep on top and make it tomorrow.  Then, I would walk into my room and see that my dad had taken pity on my busy, spoiled, teenage life and made my bed for me.  And always...ALWAYS...He left his signature - The bed was turned down.  It was like his own personal love note to me.  

Tonight, I took pity on my own children and let them play instead of help me.  I made the beds for them and left my own love note, thinking of my dad and how he still finds little things to do for me to show me how much he loves me. 

 

Halloween - Finally!

Halloween started on Thursday with Macy's preschool party, and continued well into Friday.  I actually substituted at Austin's school all day on Halloween, so Greg took the girls to visit his Grandma.  They recently moved her into a retirement center, and she isn't loving it (who can blame her).  They had trick-or-treating for the grandchildren/great-grandchildren that afternoon.  Hopefully, it brightened her day a little. 

I felt like Halloween was just crazy!  Working all day sure does shorten the day (I don't know how you "Working Moms" do it every day).  We got home from school, made some soup, carved some pumpkins, and it was time for trick-or-treating.  Since I didn't take any pictures that day, we dressed up for my grandparents on Sunday.  My mom made a festive "Dinner in a Pumpkin" and the kids got to show off their costumes.  Austin as Harry Potter, Macy as Dorothy, Paige as mouse, Abby as Belle, and Max as Tiger.  

Macy was hilarious!  She gets so excited over everything, and Halloween was no exception.  It took a very long time to decide on a costume.  I finally told her that she can be something different next year, and I think she has the next four years planned.  My wonderful mother made her little costume, and kudos to Target for Ruby Slippers.  When I got her ready, I put her up on the counter in the bathroom so she could see her entire outfit.  She said, "Oh, I really do look like Dorothy.  I wish I had black hair, then I would look just like her."  So dramatic!  She also thought this was her own, personal photo shoot.  (She came up with the poses, and my sisters were egging her on.)  Austin, on the other hand, was not amused with her "affection" for herself.  I love these guys!  Oh, and everyone fights over Max.  She insisted on one with just the two of them.  

Greg has been Father-of-the-Year the past couple of months.  After Macy and Paige are in bed, Greg has been reading the first Harry Potter with Austin.  Just the two of them.  Austin has been captivated, and turned into a Harry Potter fanatic.  Austin's costume was somewhat of a headache.  First of all, my mom found the cape at Walmart, and got a fabulous deal on it because it was missing the glasses and wand.  Thinking I was saving all sorts of money, I ordered all of his "props" online.  They guaranteed delivery by October 30th.  That is, until the train derailed and we didn't get the shipment until AFTER the school parade and party.  Thursday night, at 3:00 a.m., Greg was scouring local Walmart's for something to resemble Harry Potter glasses.  He finally found googly-eye glasses that were round and we popped out the googly eyes.  Then, he went out and cut a branch off our tree for the wand.  Austin was such a good sport.  I was glad we got the shipment, though, because I think he makes an absolutely perfect Harry Potter.

Abby was NOT all about her own photo shoot.  We finally decided that if we wanted a non-crying shot, she would have to be Belle with the Mentos.  Alexie made this beautiful dress (all by herself), and you should hear Abby sing "Little Town" from "Beauty and the Beast."  It is hilarious!  My favorite part is, "Marie...The baguettes."  When I asked Abby to dance for me, she turned around.  At least you get a 360-degree view of the dress and hair, right Lex?

Last, but certainly not least, my own little Flava Flav!  This rag-a-muffin absolutely insisted on having her picture taken just like the rest of them, but was having nothing to do with the mouse costume at this point.  

Lots of fun to dress up and lots of candy to rot our teeth.  Happy Halloween!

The Bible and Giving Birth

So, I've been reading the Bible and considering the fact that I really do want to have another baby.  I remember when we decided that we were ready to have our first baby.  We had been married for a little over a year, and Greg went to Texas to visit Steve for a week.  While he was gone, I remember having this feeling that it was time.  When I picked him up from the airport, I mentioned it, and he told me that he was just waiting for me.  I remember driving on I-2 15 to our little condo in Bountiful being practically giddy about this prospect.  Three months later, we had a positive pregnancy test.  I don't think I appreciated how "easy" it all was.  I was so excited to have Austin, and even though he was a fussy baby, I didn't know any different and I LOVED the first few years of his life.

Eight years later, I feel like I have to "mentally prepare" to decide to have a baby.  I know every doctor on the planet will tell me that having an epidural is not the result of my back pain/spasms after I give birth, but when my back really starts to ache or when I'm doing a really big yoga stretch, I can feel the exact point that the epidural was inserted.  So, shortly after Paige was born, I came to the conclusion that if I was to do it again, I would do it without the epidural.  I think I'm finally to the point where I can do it.  I dilated to 9 and three quarters with Austin (not knowingly) and to about eight with Macy, so I know a large majority of what I'm going up against.  I talked to my friend Sarah, who is a labor and delivery nurse.  She told me that she would be my doula, and she firmly believes in me.  I'm not so "firm" in my belief, but I think I can do it if I have to.  Then, I think of all the shots, miscarriage, the back pain, telling my dad, potty training, tantrums, increase noise level, teenage years, etc. and lets just say that I'm talking myself into pregnancy again.  It takes a big, multi-month pep talk to get me ready.  Once I'm ready, I have to begin the big, multi-month task of talking Greg into it.  Some days I miss the innocence/ignorance of that 24-year-old, giddy, young wife.

I've been reading the Bible, and I think of Eve a lot.  Here I am, gearing up for the possibility of four children and she had the task of populating the Earth.  She is, after all, "the mother of all living."  It blows my mind.  Reading the Bible is very difficult for me, and I don't understand a lot of what I read.  I should mention that I firmly believe that Eve knew what she was doing when she ate of the forbidden fruit.  I believe that she knew it was time for them to move on, to suffer joy and sorrow, and to bear children.  Even though we don't know how many children Eve had, I wonder what her births were like, being the first woman to experience it.  

My grandmother told my mother that giving birth was like "having a large bowel movement."  Her labors were incredibly short, not that painful, and she walked out of the hospital in her size 2 pants after every one of her five children.  After 30+ hours of labor with me, my own mother doesn't remember the last few hours and was apparently cursing the nurses and screaming so loudly that they were telling her to quiet down.  I love my mom so much, and I love that she can laugh about this all these years later.  But, she was mad - downright angry - at her own mother for insinuating that having a baby was at the same pain level as big poop.  After all, have any of you ever had an 8-pound bowel movement?  (You don't have to answer that if you don't want to.)  

Even though I was once told by a gynecologist that I have "excellent birthing hips" (I'm pretty sure he meant it as a compliment, but it was hard to take it as one), I know that some women have an easier time than me when it comes to birthing children, and some people have it so much worse.  I like to think, in the Gospel According to Emily, that the Lord had compassion on Eve.  I hope and pray that Eve's births were similar to my own grandmothers.  I hope and pray that angels surrounded her and helped her as she ventured into this unknown abyss of childbearing.  I guess, when I really think about Eve in the "dark and dreary world," having a baby without the luxuries of a hospital, doctor, modern medicine, stitches, indoor plumbing, AGPAR tests, and other women surrounding her, it's easier for me to "suck it up" and finish my own pep talk.  Now...I just have to convince my husband!  I wonder what Eve said to Adam?

I'd love to hear about your birthing experiences!

Oh, and I made the HUGE mistake of actually trying on my wedding dress last week.  Over dinner, Greg started telling the story of how we met and all about our wedding day.  The kids were quite fascinated and loved hearing all about it.  I decided to get my wedding dress out and model it.  What was I thinking?!?  I really, really thought I could fit into it.  I know I weigh less now than when I got married, but apparently I've added some overall mass.  I could only get the zipper half way up (apparently the majority of the mass has accumulated in the mid-section: Talk about love handles).  DANG!  I told Greg that I've traded in my waist for my children.  He laughed and said it was a good trade.